What do you do when someone complains of not having enough support when you know for a fact they have much more help and support then yourself and sister..... I struggle with this one. I hear complaints all of the time around me or through others. All while I watch my younger Sister be a single Mom with no family or grandparents around to help out. I think back to when I had first had Elle. We were so grateful for Ted's Mom who came down for a week-she made the transition so easy- but then Ted and I were on our own for a few months and Ted went back to work and here I was alone in my home. I did really well, though. I don't say this much but I was very proud of myself. I figured I would be the classic case of post partum depression with everything that had happened but I did okay on my own. Elle was really an easy baby despite the constant eating and not sleeping for more then 2 hour stretches the first month. And we had so many visitors on the weekend to keep my spirits up and to make the days with Elle alone even better knowing friends or family would be visiting on the weekend. We will also never forget that we did have Ted's mom come back a few months later and stayed in our home when I went back to work. It was a priceless gift to keep her out of daycare one more month but it was hard for me too. I know how much joy my Mom would have had being here with Cindy too. They would have had a great time together or maybe they would have split up the time. Makes me sad.
I can't snap at people at tell them, "well, you have more help then my Sister does or that I had", I just have to listen or maybe plug my ears and hope and pray that they one day are appreciative for what they have and that there are people out there with no parents or grandparents to help them throughout raising their children. I am realizing more and more how strong my Sister and I are....some days I don't feel that way but when I look around me, I know this is so true. Not many could handle this and while painful, we are different maybe better people because of it.
Next week Ted and I have two conflicts. I left frustrated this morning. We both have dinners on Wednesday and Thursday that we cannot miss. Both of our careers are important; there isn't one that is more important, they are equal but these are the tough days that we will continue to have and it worries me even more so when I think about having another child in the future. Can we really do it all on our own while both working? I got to hope that we can and one day truly believe that my parents are sending down lots of strength as they watch us from above. It all sounds great, right? Now it's just believing it. I'm amazed at how much your faith is questioned when you can't make sense of something. I'm envious of people with strong faith but yet I think if they suffered a tragic loss they too would question and have anger. I think of my Grandmother; in a wheelchair for a great part of her life; raised 3 awesome children...all so different.....she had a smile on her face everyday and such a strong faith. I wish I would have told her more what an influence she has had on my adult life now as I reflect on my childhood watching her. I didn't know it until much later in life what an important role my parents and grandparents would play.
To single mother's out there, I wish for moments of quietness and a helping hand from time to time from people who care and recognize you need it. and to dual parents that live out of state with no one around to help- surround yourself by good friends and neighbors- they will offer great support. and to anyone else that is suffering the loss of their parents and feels down that you have to rely on one set of grandparents and you feel so sad and bad doing so, take deep breaths. That's all the advice and hope I have........
All my love,
Melissa
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