Fall is in the air

Now I understand fully why Fall was my Mom's favorite time of the year......I know how proud they would be of their grand kids, Ted and I......here are some of my favorite pics from the Season so far.

Mom and Dad, you're missed more then you could ever imagine....happy Fall and happy Halloween from all of us. WISHING YOU WERE HERE FOR ALL OF THIS....you would be visiting, playing with the kids, Dad would cook, Mom would bake, we would have drinks, you loved our neighborhood....I miss sharing my life with you. Harry has his first ear infection today. I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you how cute Elle was trick or treating......and brag how handsome Aydan is these days. You're missing so much. I think you are as sad as I am. You would want to be here. Right?

Love you, Melissa

Working Mother

Wow, traveling with two babies at home, while breastfeeding has been interesting. I am proud I've been able to stick it out but it's challenging when you're traveling across the US to Portland and the three hour time change and trying to keep everything on schedule. I've had to deal with cancelled flights, dinners going over with customers and missing my pumping time. But, it's worked and I am hopeful I can make it to 6 months. That is my goal before switching to formula. I am blessed to work for a great. flexible, family owned company. I am traveling this week in Portland with a fabulous co-worker and after work we've gotten pedicures, had great meals and a glass of wine, and even popped into some cool shops along the way. If I am going to be away from my Family, I am happy to have some fun.

The kids are amazing. Harry is such a beautiful, sweet baby. I cannot explain how chill he is. The child doesn't cry. It's wonderful. He just wants to be held and smiled at and fed and he is HAPPY. Miss Elle is getting smarter by the day....full sentences, full on conversations, counting in spanish, has real feelings now...she'll say that she's not in a good mood or that she's happy and she'll easily identify if someone else is feeling down and tells them "it's okay". She is very sweet and loving. I am so lucky. If only Mom and Dad could meet them and love them like I do...

Fall is here....we have our dear friend visiting this weekend that is moving to Hawaii for 6 months, we've booked our family vacation to St John for next year, Ted is pursing a new opportunity, Chris is plugging away at Nursing School, Aydan continues to be an all star in soccer and hockey, I finally get to meet our new niece over Thanksgiving, I am seeing Justin again for the second time over the Holidays....lots of things are happening. Life is happening, quickly.

a year since A healing heart

Wow, amazing weather this weekend...enjoyed some "family time"...

I realized today that it's been a year since "A Healing Heart"...it's tough when I read through those pages of my first year after the loss. It almost gets harder as the years go by....so hard to think it's getting longer and longer that I last saw my Family together. But, I know this legacy I have left behind for my children to one day read makes this project beyond special. They may not understand now, or even years from now, but one day.....they will read it and get it....to the best of their abilities. They will know how special my Parents were. But will never replace actually knowing them yet provides some peace to my heart....I would love to work with Wayne Holmes again one day....I have so much to "say" since this tragic loss, facing my brother, hating mental illness, giving birth to beautiful babies, living out of State and on our own, having amazing friendships yet difficult relationships, being let down, not able to "let go", owning a second home that was your parents and how you want to hang on to it because you feel it's all you have left of them but deep down you don't even enjoy being there anymore....there is so much to say, to be heartbroken about but also so proud and thankful for. Thank you, A healing heart......you will live on......

This is your Life

I came across this and it now sits in front of me at my desk. Very inspirational....today, I was reflecting on my Parents life...tomorrow they would have been married for 34 years. I was thinking of their last anniversary we spent with them and taking them to dinner....they were so happy and excited to be with Ted and I. It felt so nice to treat them to a nice dinner. We were all grown up, making our own money, able to take them to a nice place to celebrate. They were proud. I read this list and I'm doing a lot of this, and I am aware of so much because of the loss of my parents and watching my kids grow so quickly and being so proud (yet so afraid) of my Sister and her taking a "leap of faith" going to school full time to be a nurse as a single Mom.....LIFE is so short and of course I want to enjoy every moment and live my dream but all of that has become harder and harder to do because of the loss. It's not easy to just live on and be yourself and find happiness when your heart is still completely broken. Fall (Mom's favorite time of the year) and the upcoming Holidays all are just the most painful months of the year aside from the month of April and I am doing my best to think positively knowing it cannot be changed. I am so proud of Christina and I and our ability to handle this situation and to still be there for my brother...

Teddy is interviewing for a new job today. Really excited for a new opportunity that has come his way....wishing him all the best...and I happily accepted a new raise last week...that made it a little easier as I was leaving my Son for the first time. I know he's okay but it still bothers me that all day he is at school and not being held much and not being catered to like he has been for the past several months. I miss my days with him but know by me working and having a great career- I can provide a better future for him and Elle. I even more so thank my Mom for staying home with me and my siblings. (I don't think I could do it) I know she enjoyed every minute of it (as she told me that before)....I wish I could thank her for all she did and for all that she was to me. I didn't tell her enough what an awesome Mom she was. Time is flying by so fast.....I miss their voice.....it's like forever since I have seen them....it's a crazy feeling. I miss my Family. This is MY life....and I will continue to "travel often" and "appreciate every bite when I eat" ....