I'm okay

So I survived Christmas. "big deal" I say to myself. One Christmas....I still have many, many more to get through as the years go on. Each of them, I will wish they were here.

Of course I was okay being surrounded by other family and friends, of course I was okay eating wonderful food, of course I was okay watching Aydan and Christina open their presents, of course I was okay on the party bus for Ted's surprise 30th birthday party, and of course I was okay being spoiled by everyone with all of the wonderful, generous gifts I received but I was not okay when I would catch a glimpse of the photo my Sister had on her counter of Mom and Dad with her angel ornament hanging on the corner. I was not okay during Christmas eve mass when everyone was singing Christmas Carols and being thankful they were together with their loved ones, I was not okay making the drive through Allen Park Christmas morning only to pass by their street and continued on our way to Wyandotte to see Grandpa. And I was not okay when I got back to Cincinnati today after a week with family and friends...only to realize the sadness is still there. They're still gone forever and I have to continue to celebrate these Holidays without them. I write I was not okay, where I should just say, I was just really bummed. Of course I'm okay...I'm here, I'm healthy, I laugh and smile and eat lots of chocolate, but I swear you'd never know I was almost 30 years old the way I can cry for my Mother (and Dad too..of course). I was upstairs a few hours ago just crying, "I miss my Mommy". Ted and Gracie came to the rescue but it's amazing to me how I've been so independent since graduating from College-many moves-new homes-new positions-new friends- yet was still such a Mommy's girl. I'm still that person...especially now with having a child of my own on the way, I want my my Mommy.

Your own Mother never judges, will listen to anything and everything and will be there anytime day or night. My Sister and I were too young to lose this. And tonight, I'm just bummed. We'll go on of course, we have no choice. We'll succeed and continue to cherish the relationships we have with our dear family and friends, but our hearts will continue to ache for our parents. We just really, really miss them and not time or a miracle will ever make that go away.

Thank you to my Family and friends for surrounding me this Christmas with love and laughter. The cards, emails, phone calls, text messages and hugs were so appreciated.

Now for another week off of work which will be filled with preparation for the Baby's ARRIVAL! It's hard to believe it could happen any day even though my due date is 4 week away......

I pray Mom and Dad that you continue to watch over me and are proud of my strength as we all await for miss E.P.C to arrive.....I'm so sorry you are missing this but hopefully you are getting glimpses. I hope, hope, hope..........and pray, pray, pray.......

Me and Grandpa Olszowy on Christmas Day: