That darn song. It's #2 on my CD that I religiously listen to on the way to work and I always skip over it, on purpose of course. Today while I was driving home, I said fine I will listen to it. I will be fine...deep breathe. The second it said "sweet Melissa", I started balling. And then I scream and yell and say did this really happen, are you really gone, and anything else that I can think of........when I listen to that song, I literally can picture my Dad and I dancing and it instantly brings me back to the few times where he would leave the song on my voicemail, even years after the wedding.......
That songs makes me say, "this simply just sucks".
We put out my Mom's Christmas decorations Sunday night and put up her tree. Pat & Jerome stockings are also hung that my Aunt Lisa knitted 20+ years ago. I always thought Mom's house was over decorated for Christmas but now I so appreciate her spirit and love for the Holidays. All of these things really make my house more of a home. It was interesting, the very first ornament I pulled out of her very neat organized box, was one that said Plymouth, MA. Their most favorite place out of the three States we have lived in. Then of course I came across, baby's first Christmas for all three of us kids and things with our names on it. All very sad, because like with anything I have received, I was not ready to get these this early and it saddens me thinking how many more years, decades that had to live! It's really frustrating.
It's the little things that make me happy these days like coming home to another homemade meal after work to my co-worker surprising me today with pumpkin chocolate cake for winning my award, to talking to my Sister and her telling me Aydan got "green" today at school. Green is good, Red is bad..... :-)
Tomorrow, Ted and I officially start to learn how to be parents (watch out people-I cannot even boil an egg, I'm serious-ask Mom and Dad). We first are meeting with the Pediatrician, which I actually have a ton of questions for which is rare for me.....I never have anything to ask at my Doctor appointments...I probably should...
Then we are off to the hospital that I will deliver at for breastfeeding class. Ted is still wondering why he is going to this but apparently he has a role.
I miss calling you Mom, I never realized how bored I was at night until I did not have you to call any longer. I could just call you for absolutely no reason. You'd sit on the phone and say how you'd really like to get back to your movie or favorite TV show and finally after 20 minutes, I would say...fine......I'll let you go. Some people my age get caught up in life-which is easy to do and their busy careers or children and honestly, I would always find the time to call. almost everyday if not twice and I am so thankful I did. No matter how busy work or my life may have been, I never put my family or friends on hold and I hope I never, ever do.....
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