It's so hard to believe that I have not seen my Parents or brother in over 8 months. It seems like yesterday and I still cannot believe it. I've made it through (somehow) Mom and Justin's Birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Dad's Birthday, 4th of July, my Birthday, their anniversary, my Baby shower, Thanksgiving...and now I have to get through Christmas.
This month is exceptionally hard because all of my friends and co-workers conversations are around what we are doing for the Holidays. Normally my response would be, oh I will spend my two weeks off (SC Johnson is the best and we get two full weeks off this year that does not count against our vacation) traveling back and forth from Mom and Dad's to the Close's, we'll have a Christmas party, Mom and I will go shopping, etc, etc. I now almost have nothing to add. Of course I have plans for the Holidays with my Sister and Ted's family and all of my friends but it's just not the same when your immediate family has been torn apart, you almost feel awkward talking about your plans for the Holidays. I feel left out because I don't have my Parents house any longer to go home to. But we are certainly making plans.....I have always been polly planner from vacations to dinners to girls weekends to Holiday functions.....I like to take the lead and make plans! I think when I get back to MI on December 19th, I have something to do almost every night. We were able to work through my Sister's Christmas schedule and her, Matt and Aydan are hosting a Christmas Eve brunch. It was so much fun last year. Mom, Dad and Justin came.....Ted and I were there....Christina and Matt made yummy food, we drank Mimosas, we exchanged gifts, and we took our last full family photo with Justin included by Christina and Matt's beautifully decorated Christmas tree.
This year will be so different. My list to buy for and visit has shortened and my love for all things Christmas has decreased dramatically. But I am trying my hardest to "get in the spirit". I am trying really, really hard. Mainly for my family and friends. They don't want to be around someone that is depressed and down but when everyone is smiling, laughing and having fun (as they should), my heartaches that my Parents are not here and I can't help but feel a little angry.
Although the New Year is going to bring Ted and I much needed joy with the little one (how exciting-a little girl- still cannot believe it), but my brother's trial is right after the New Year. Thank you very much. My Sister has to take stand and I feel terrible for her. I'm thankful I have stayed out of this as best as possible, because I could not handle attending the trial. Some of my family members have been so incredibly supportive and are taking work off to be there to support her. It will be a tough day and my hope and wish for the New Year is for my brother to be placed, somewhere safe, so he can also begin healing. We all want to heal.
So in the spirit of Christmas, Ted and I will try and get some shopping done tonight and go to a nice dinner. We re-scheduled infant CPR for another day since we did just dreadfully sit through a few hours of breastfeeding 101 last night and have a full day of childbirth education on Saturday. Since I won't have my Mom to call at 2am, I'm certainly going to need this class! Although I am certain my Sister and the other women in my life would not mind the call. :-)
I want to shop with you Mom and hear about what amazing Christmas cookie you're trying new this year or how Dad froze outside putting the lights up outside... I pray I have the relationship with my daughter that we had. Although, she could leave out the snotty attitude at times, and telling me what to do.......but I'll take just about everything else. Oh, and any trouble I caused you and Dad, she doesn't have to repeat that either.
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