Happy 52nd Birthday Mommy-4/22

Tomorrow my Mother would have turned 52 years old. She was so young and it saddens me to think someone who enjoyed life so much died so young this way. She died with her husband whom she was married to for 30 years. I love and miss my Mother so very much and I'd do anything to see her again, hug her again, talk to her again and mostly, laugh with her again. I'd tell her over and over what a great Mom she was and what a wonderful person she was. 

Dear Mommy, 

Tomorrow will mark the second birthday that I have not been able to celebrate with you. Life is strange without you. It's quieter and lonelier and your laughter, humor and smile is missed so terribly. You had such a big heart and you were there for your friends and family. You listened to them, we could rely on you and we could cry on your shoulder. I'm just sorry I didn't let you cry on my shoulder much. You always listened to me. I wish I would have spent more time listening to you and telling you how much you were appreciated by so many. You were a woman of many things. But your true love was your husband, being with friends and goofing around with  your family. Nothing made you more happy then having Christmas Day at your house with all of the family or going on vacation with friends or family or having everyone up at the lake. You loved that stuff. You were one of those individuals that so many strive to be- an individual that was loved by so many. I never pictured my life without you. I guess I didn't think I had to. I miss our daily phone calls and I really miss leaving messages on the answering machine. You said I called too much. I loved bugging you and Dad. At least I don't have to say I didn't call you enough when you were alive, but there are still some regrets. I have regrets of not knowing enough about Justin's condition, giving my opinion to you as if I knew what was best. You did your very best and you loved and cared for your Son just as you did for Christina and I. You never saw this coming, no one did. I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have saw signs to stop this from happening. I have nightmares, really scary ones lately. Dad was alive and you were at the hospital dying. Dad was devastated and I think to myself as much as I wish at least ONE of you would have made it, I cannot imagine what life would be like for either of you without each other. I think we could have made it through. Christina and I would have helped you and or Dad. But I pray that dream I was told was truly what happened and that Dad was there to walk you through the doors of heaven and that you are enjoying eternal life even more then you did on Earth. 

I'll never forget you, I'll never stop loving you, I'll never stop crying for you, and I'll never stop honoring you and the life you have given me. I am here because of you and I am who I am today, because of you and the way I was raised. I am most sad you never got to see me take all that I have learned from you and becoming a Mother myself. I know you'd be proud of Ted and I. But it's hard when I look at Elle and to think, wow-you guys are missing this.  I need you. And it's really, really hard to not have you in my life. I hope I continue to live the life you would want me to have and I hope one day I will be at peace in knowing you are okay and that I must move on but always, always carrying your spirit along. 

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Mommy, on her 52nd birthday. I will bake you a cake tomorrow in your spring foam pans and I will wear your ring of your Mothers that you never took off. 

I miss and love you every day, 

Your oldest daughter Melissa