back to work...

As of tomorrow, my maternity leave is officially over and I will become a "working mother". 

I've enjoyed my 12 weeks at home and can honestly say after the first 2 weeks, it was pretty easy and I adjusted well. Elle has been such a good baby, we've really been blessed! But I will never forget the first two weeks and not really knowing what to do...but we survived as a family and she is a beautiful, happy and most importantly, healthy baby! We did it. 

I could not think of a more appropriate way to spend my last few days before going back to work then spending it with family. Especially during such a difficult week. It was tough. I am trying very hard to be positive this evening but we are so sad and so very angry. The pain will not go away and they are missed sooooo badly. 

My wonderful Aunt (Dad's Sister) and Uncle came to visit from Atlanta. The weekend started off with a nice dinner at one of our favorite local Italian restaurants. We ate good food and drank yummy wine, while Elle slept the entire time. Saturday, I took my Aunt for a nice long hour walk where we talked about everything and anything. "What are we suppose to do?" was the outcome of talking about my parents and Justin.  How does one overcome such a thing and move on? We will live our lives, we understand we must do this. But it's difficult and painful. 

Early afternoon my Sister and nephew arrived and my cousin Jess and her husband Bob. We did traditional things like colored Eggs, ate Ham, got Easter baskets, hid eggs for Aydan  but also did funny things like listen to my Aunt sing to Elle her favorite Polish songs. Jess and I both agreed that we really messed up by not playing polka music at our weddings. 

Sunday morning Aunt Diann and I walked over to St. Mary's church to attend Easter service. I haven't been back to a Catholic church since my parents funeral a year ago, Ted and I belong to a more contemporary church. My Aunt and I lit candles for our loved ones we have lost, shed tears and then really enjoyed the service. I am glad I went. It's peaceful for that one hour to have faith that they are in a wonderful place. I need to get there for every hour in the day. Maybe one day. 

I'm actually really excited to be back to work and take on the challenges of work/life balance. I've had a rough few weeks with really missing my parents and I'm exited to see what the next three months have in store for my Family and I. We continue to become a stronger family and learning how to cope with our new life without Pat & Jerome. I always thought parenthood would be the biggest challenge I would ever face and I am sure it will be, but coping with this loss will always be the largest. But I am confident that we will get through this as long as we all stick together. But, it will continue to take my Sister and I time. 

I end my evening tonight feeling sad that I don't have my parents, blessed for my beautiful daughter, happy I spent Easter weekend with Ted, my Sis, Aydan and the wonderful "Olszowy" family, excited for my first day back to work and nervous about Elle's first day without her Mommy and Daddy. WISH US LUCK...