You'll be there...

As I get closer and closer to labor time, I cannot help but think how sad it will be to experience the birth of our first child without you there. The thought had never crossed my mind since starting to think about children after Ted and I got married. Of course you would both be there. Of course you'd drive to wherever we happened to be living at the time for the birth of your second grandchild. Of course both of you would stay for a week or so and come back often and frequently to spend time with us and the baby. Of course you would make it to all of her birthdays and probably her wedding one day.

I'm most sad to not have you to call on the way to the hospital to announce to you and Dad that my water has broke. I'm most sad I won't get to see your smiling faces as you enter the hospital room to meet our new daughter...seeing the expression on your face when you meet your first granddaughter. It's devastating.

It's not the help you would have provided that I will miss, it's simply you being here to be a part of all of this.



But I pray, that you'll be there guiding me through the struggles and pain of labor and will get a glimpse of the little princess as she enters the world. I'm just so sad for you both to not be able to hold her. It's really not fair.



One of my most favorite pictures is this photo of Dad -most of you have seen. Dad came to the hospital to meet his first grandchild, baseball and glove in hand. I thank God you and Dad got to experience this with Christina.



I've felt lonely at times throughout this pregnancy even though I have a wonderful/experienced Sister, Mother-in-law and the best supportive girlfriends and a great Husband, but I guess I always imagined having my Mom while I was pregnant and running everything by her. But to be honest, I haven't had anything wrong during this pregnancy and I am so thankful for that or Mom would have been missed even more-if that is even possible. In fact, I would do this over and over if labor wasn't a part of the process oh and College wasn't getting so terribly expensive.

I am confident it has been the two of you watching over me and helping me to have a flawless pregnancy.

I am not sure when it will be time for her to come but I have a feeling it will be within a week.

You will be missed every step of the way and I'm so sorry you have to miss this....but you'll be there...right?


I was doing okay today until the News Herald reporter emailed me the article that will be published Sunday on my Brother. It was heart wrenching. I deleted before I saw anymore. I saw sentences like, shot in the head once from the window and died instantly. Then I saw words about my Mother, alive, lying in a pool of blood. I couldn't read anymore. I immediately hit delete, delete, delete. How dare she send that to me. I don't know all of the details. Yes, my Mother was alive but she wasn't conscious, I hope to God. And I also saw that she was sitting next to my Dad, I thought she was sitting on the stairs with Brandy. I'm angry now. My quote also looks as if I'm "satisfied" with the outcome of my brother's sentence. How can we be satisfied? I feel blessed that the Judge agreed what we already knew in our hearts, that this was not Justin but satisfied? That is not the word I would use. I am scared for the future, we are still devastated, we are worried about him and what will happen if they do believe they can cure his medical condition which is unlikely.

If anyone reads the Downriver News Herald this Sunday, please understand some of this information may be false. I would recommend not reading it as it almost made me go into labor.........it just takes you back to the sadness and pain and nightmare my wonderful parents suffered that day. I''m so sorry Mommy.....