A New Year

A fresh start. A new beginning. A new year. But they're still gone.... 

All I can hope and wish for this year is a year of less tears and more joy, a year of no loss and only gain, a year of less pain and only happiness and a year of peace, closure and acceptance. 

This year will still have it's challenges, but nothing will ever compare to last year. But I got through it and I still couldn't tell you how. I know it must be my parents giving us some of this strength we have found. 

I never really make resolutions and I don't really intend to this year however there are some things I would like to accomplish: 

*Take a family vacation to Hilton Head over Easter to visit my Dad's Sister and bring the little one, get pictures of Aydan and E.P.C. on the beach

*On the one year anniversary of my parents death, do something good-volunteer, charity work, awareness, something to honor their life

*See my grandpa's more although for living out of State, I see them quite often 

*Go on a Summer vacation with a few couples and our kids

*Spend time at my parent's lake place

*Run, run and run...maybe even get a half marathon in....

*Be more organized..especially with expanding our family 

*Continue a relationship with my brother, I cannot commit to a visit at this point but making sure he is safe, has what he needs, and communication through letters is a definite 

*Help a friend or family memberr through a tough time, I think I can handle anything

*Be a great Mom like my Mom and my parent's Moms, unconditional love is the most important thing 

*Learn to cook something, not cook "a lot" or start to cook, just learn how to cook something. My Father was the cook in the family, even though Mom stayed at home. It was the coolest thing. He was so good at it. But I read what my Mom wrote in several of the cookbooks she bought for Ted, she wrote, "maybe you can teach my daughter a thing or two".  So I'll learn a thing or two....

*Move away from feeling angry, this will take time but I still struggle with this. I end up getting so mad this happened to my family, my parents, my brother, my nephew, my life and I tend to think a lot, "are you seriously complaining to ME about YOUR day?" But I cannot think that way. Everyone has their own daily tragedies and I still need to listen, offer support and be a good co-worker, friend or stranger...even if their situation doesn't come close to losing both of your parents the way that I did.  Other family members, friend's family members, co-workers family members are going to pass away this year and over the years, and no matter how anyone passes away, it is sad and difficult for that person. I'd like to learn how to not feel jealous of that person for being able to say good-bye....for them living a much longer life then my Mom and Dad did....

Well, Mom and Dad....you officially passed away last year and yet, it still seems like last weekend you were here in Cincinnati visiting. playing cards. making dinner. drinking wine.  It is so hard to believe that this month we will bring new life to the world and I cannot thank you enough for this gift. 

Happy New Year to everyone, I hope everyone in my life is blessed with happiness. 

Love always, 

Melissa