my weekend

I wish I could write that we are now free of my parents house, but we are not. I rushed back on Friday morning after a long travel back from Seattle only to find that the title company couldn't get everything pulled together. So I will now do power of attorney so I do not have to be at the closing, which is probably better anyway. No offense, I really was not looking forward to meeting the new owners. A retired couple moving into my childhood home of 28 years. They will never have the memories like my brother, sister and I had there with our parents.

Friday, Matt and Christina brought Aydan over to the Close's all dressed up as a transformer. He always went to Mom and Dad's house and went around their neighborhood for the past 5 years so we wanted to make sure he still had fun. It definitely wasn't the same but any 5 year old that comes home with a bag filled with candy is ultimately a happy person for that given moment.

Saturday I found myself at the mall wandering around in search for maternity clothes. The Christmas decorations are going up and many families were out and about shopping. I was miserable. I would look at a Mom and Daughter as they were shopping and just feel tremendous sadness. Mom should be here too, she loved to shop. She would always make time to shop around with me. As a matter of fact, right around this time every year she was almost done with her Christmas Shopping. Talk about a woman prepared for the Holidays.
From Thanksgiving through New Years has always been my most favorite time of the year. The biggest stress would be what I was going to buy for my Mom, Dad and brother. My Sister is always the easiest. Now, the three of them are gone and I cannot even begin to think of preparing myself for the Holidays or listening to my favorite Christmas songs, or sitting down to write all of my Christmas cards out...these are all things I love to do. All I keep thinking is, Mom, Dad and Justin should be here too. And yes, I understand my parents would want me to be happy but I think the hardest part is, if they could be sad in heaven, I know they would be sad for my Sister and I. My Mother would never want us to go through this and would want to share the Holidays with her family. They were not ready to leave at the age of 50 and it pulls at my heart every single day.

But I will do my best to incorporate new traditions into my Holidays. Last Thanksgiving my parents came to the Close's, this year we will be with Ted's family but I am also going to spend some of the evening at my cousin Jessica's house. My Dad's Sister Aunt Diann and Uncle Randy from Atlanta will be there as well as my Dad's brother Uncle Stan and Aunt Linda.
Last Thanksgiving we were all getting ready to eat at the Close's and I had suggested we all go around the table and say what we are most thankful for. I don't quite remember what my Dad said, but I can hear my Mother's words so clearly, "I am thankful that our two families were together". I don't know what I would say this year. Sure I am thankful for so many things in life but I am also hurting because of so many things in life. But I have a feeling I would be thankful for the gift my parents gave me and that is the little girl that continues to grow as she prepares to enter this World.

Saturday we ended the day by taking Mom and Dad Close to a nice dinner at a pretty special place. The place where we got engaged and where we sent my Mom and Dad for dinner on their 25th anniversary, Cafe Cortina. We wanted to show our appreciation for putting on such an amazing shower and for the continued support they provide to us as we take on parenthood. The food was delicious and the sip of red Pinot Noir that I tried was really yummy.

Before I head back to Cincinnati this morning, I will stop at the cemetery. My parents grave marker has been put into the ground. It was much easier to go when it was just grass. Seeing their names and the dates they were born and died will be difficult. I never thought this young I would be doing this....visiting both of their grave sites together.

I will get through it....