I have such mixed emotions about the lake now Mom and Dad. I did fine this weekend but just being there I felt like I was carrying a ton of bricks on my back the entire time. I almost felt like I was walking around like a zombie as I continue to come to the realization that you're gone. But you'd never know it if you were up there with me, I am really able to be strong just as I know you'd want me to be.
Sure I laughed and had a fantastic time with Grandpa, your siblings, Christina, Aydan, Matt and Josh but you not being there was honestly noticed each and every second. First your voices and laughter did not carry throughout the house, the fire from the night before was not picked up by 6am just like Dad would do, I didn't wake up to the smell of coffee and cinnamon french toast and we had to run the dinner on Saturday....we all pitched in and made a huge fake thanksgiving feast and it was just surreal doing it without you there. Christina even made your cheesecake Mom, my favorite-pumpkin. She of course got the baking gene and even mastered your crust!
It sure isn't fun.....just like I said in my last post, no one was ready for you to leave this quick. We weren't ready to run the lake house or shut it down or host dinners without you. And we weren't ready to learn how to make your cheesecake. Not for many more years.
But being together with our family was just what I wanted and we'll continue to do this no matter how difficult it is for each and everyone of us. We still have each other...
Thank you to my husband, Josh, Matt and yes, even my nephew for helping close down my parents place. I know Dad was looking down and saying, "way to go boys"..... "oh and good choice on the Hawaiian shirts too--you shouldn't have"
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