Thursday, November 20, 2008

I'm still thankful...


With Thanksgiving approaching, I cannot help but think of the things I am still thankful for. Moving forward, to live just another day is worth being thankful for as any one of us could be gone tomorrow. It's scary to think that way but it's actually so, so true. I know for a fact Mom and Dad did not have the slightest clue that April 7th would be their last day on Earth. However, if they did know I think they would have spent it just as they did.
Of course as I think of what I am thankful for, I get incredibly sad and angry for the things that have happened this year and you struggle to sit back and say yes, but I still have so much. ...

Because what was lost was big, so tremendous, so sad, incredibly tragic- while everyone gathers around the Turkey this year with their families- I will be sitting down and realizing that my immediate family is no longer together. It's just my Sister and I now, trying to make our way-take our spots, in other families as we celebrate the Holidays without our parents and brother.

I am most thankful for the Parents I had for 28 years. Wow- was I lucky. They were one of a kind.
I am most thankful for my Sister and my nephew Aydan, their safety and happiness is one of my highest priorities.
I am most thankful for my husband and dog Gracie, who remain the rock in my life.
I am most thankful for the Friends I have in my life, they are the best. There is no doubt in my mind that every girl needs her girlfriends.
I am most thankful for my husband's parents, they treat me like a daughter of their own.
I am most thankful for my health (mentally and physically) during this pregnancy after such an emotionally tragic event. (for this I am positive my Mom and Dad are watching down on me)
I am most thankful that I will soon have a little girl to love, although the fear of sadness I will face to not be able to introduce her to Mom and Dad is scary. But I will remain thankful that they gave me this gift two months after they died on June 7th, 2008 when two pink lines appeared.
I am most thankful for my two still living Grandfathers, for they are the closest thing to my Mom and Dad; they raised my parents and I am thankful to still be able to be with them and have our daughter meet them.
I am most thankful for all of my extended family members; their love, support, friendship and strength they have shown is admirable and I know moving forward, we will continue to be a very close knit family.
I am most thankful for my job, my beautiful house and my financial stability I have given the state of the economy. We are lucky and proud of our hard work.

So yes, even after one suffers one of the greatest tragedies imaginable they can still find something to be thankful for. But often times the weight of what has happened and the fact that during the Holidays my brother will be locked up in a jail cell with the uncertainty of where he will be come January and with tremendous guilt, sadness and loneliness he feels--carries on your shoulders so heavily, you find it difficult to be thankful for anything.

This year I may not be able to speak out loud as we go around the table as we did last year, which was my idea, and say what we are most thankful for... so I thought I would tell everyone in my life right now. I am thankful for each and every one of you and although I am dreading the Holidays without Mom and Dad around, I feel lucky to have all that I have still after losing so much.

I am thankful Mom and Dad that last year at the Close's house we sat around the table, enjoying the Turkey that Dad helped carve and had a great time among two special families. It was so important to Ted and I for us to both be with our parents and we are both forever thankful for your involvement in our lives.

Thank you for letting me feel thankful during such a difficult time.

Love always,
Your daughter

1 comment:

Unknown said...

This was a great post Mel. Wish you, Ted, and Gracie a belated Happy Thanksgiving.