Well, hello!
I haven't written in so long! It has been such a busy month since Elle's birthday.
Work has been crazy for both Ted and I and have traveled much of February for work. Though I missed the kids, I had an amazing week in FL. First I got to experience the Daytona 500 event VIP style with Kroger. We stayed at a beautiful place right on the Ocean..I got to share a suite with two super fun co-workers that I respect very much and had fun events throughout the weekend. Our team even was recognized for having the best display of the year for the Kroger Daytona program in-store so that was exciting. We had one day where there was nothing on the agenda until dinner so we laid in the sun for several hours, walked on the beach, ordered lunch by the pool and met up with our mgmt for manicures and pedicures and a round of margaritas. It was awesome....Elle and Harrison were doing great so I felt I could really enjoy myself. They were back at Gramma and Grampa's house for the week so Ted wouldn't be overwhelmed on his own with being so busy at work. They had a new theme each day..from trains to princesses and enjoyed building their first ever snow man! Grampa even made it blue with a pink scarf. I cannot tell how you hard it is not have my Mom and Dad as grandparents but I am beyond thankful we have Cindy and Steve. They are always there for us despite the heartache we still feel.
After Daytona we headed to Orlando for our annual National meeting where the sales force gathered for four days to review accomplishments, business results, training and where we are headed as an organization. I have always felt this way, but SCJ is a really special company to work with. Our CEO brought his Mother who everyone loves, they shared stories about the Johnson family and played this incredible video of her driving around in her old beat up car giving us a tour of Racine, WI where our World HQ is located. And then after giving us an amazing speech straight from the heart, my named was pulled out of hundreds to come up and meet her, she gave me a gift (long story, you wouldn't understand but I received dinosaur poop! from her World travels) and I got to give her a big hug. I couldn't believe my name was chosen out of so many....thank gosh I had a great dress on that day, ha!
And the week could not have gone any better...that same day I was recognized as the best in class and got to go back on stage to accept the award. Last year was a good year for me from a business perspective so it felt good to be recognized for the hard work. Despite what my family has faced, I sure have been blessed from a career perspective and have never let my performance or dedication slide. I truly adore my coworkers on the team and love the company so right now I feel I am in a good place. I look forward to this next year as Ted talks with his company and we brainstorm with mine on what is next for the Close Family. The thought of leaving Cinci makes me cry...we love it here and have plans to send Elle off to St Mary's next fall that is walking distance to our house, we adore our friends and love everything about our neighborhood. But, god may have other plans for us...we shall see.
I worry as I approach April...I wish we could skip it. I have been stressed trying to determine what we could possibly due to mark the five years they have been gone. five years...wow. But I am coming to grips that it will never be good enough and it may cause more pain than happiness to do something big.Honestly what I want to do this year is raise awareness of mental illness. So, I am working on partnering with NAMI...the largest mental health association. I don't have any of the details yet but there will be a walk in September in MI that I went to build a team for, set goals to raise money in their honor and get as many friends and family to join us. More to come...for now...I want to focus on Hawaii. Ted and will have been married for 10 years this May so we are headed there a little early to celebrate. I feel badly this it is so close to my FL trip and I just left the kids....but I know they will have another great week in MI their Grandparents. One of our nest friends lives in Waikiki beach so we are beyond thrilled to experience the Island with him and all he knows about it. It is sure to be another trip of a lifetime. I feel really blessed how much Ted and I have traveled since we were married nearly 10 years ago.
Though I can feel the rain cloud approaching....we have so much to be grateful for, so many exciting things this Spring coming up (Hawaii, visits from my best girlfriends, and Christina's much anticipated graduation and party). May my Mother and Father watch from above and be on this journey with us. I hope they continue to send down strength as Christina and I push forward the best way we know how.
Miss you so much, Mom and Dad.....sure wish you were here for this exciting year. Miss your smiling faces every single day.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Elle's birthday
Elle had a great birthday last weekend. SO hard to believe she's 4. Sometimes I feel sad I was so preoccupied her first year of life that I missed out a little. I know I remained strong and happy with her in our life but it was a very challenging few years adjusting to our new life - the life without my parents. We were at a different place when Harry came...
Our house was filled with family and our friends. Fun gifts were opened, a sweet little party at the bookstore took place, a beautiful cake was eaten and her collection of tutus began!!
Elle had her 4 year checkup yesterday and we were thrilled with her growth.
She's still petite but grew several inches putting her in the 70% for height so above average. This was good news since we always thought she was so tiny. Her iron was a little behind where they want it to be so we have to ramp up her iron intake. Lots of spinach and beef and fortified cereal.
Harry is still our husky boy above average in weight and height with a massive head.
It's all brain :) they picked up a little heart murmur but said its nothing to worry about and they're very common so something we'll check every visit.
Shots were not fun at all especially by myself. But we made it through and dad brought home ice cream that evening! I remember very vividly my mom taking us three to the doc. Poor mom...we have you a run for your money. We were always running and giggling. Sorry we didn't behave better. but at times I know you laughed, too.
Feel blessed we have two beautiful healthy children. Wish you were here to see them.
All my love,
Melissa
Our house was filled with family and our friends. Fun gifts were opened, a sweet little party at the bookstore took place, a beautiful cake was eaten and her collection of tutus began!!
Elle had her 4 year checkup yesterday and we were thrilled with her growth.
She's still petite but grew several inches putting her in the 70% for height so above average. This was good news since we always thought she was so tiny. Her iron was a little behind where they want it to be so we have to ramp up her iron intake. Lots of spinach and beef and fortified cereal.
Harry is still our husky boy above average in weight and height with a massive head.
It's all brain :) they picked up a little heart murmur but said its nothing to worry about and they're very common so something we'll check every visit.
Shots were not fun at all especially by myself. But we made it through and dad brought home ice cream that evening! I remember very vividly my mom taking us three to the doc. Poor mom...we have you a run for your money. We were always running and giggling. Sorry we didn't behave better. but at times I know you laughed, too.
Feel blessed we have two beautiful healthy children. Wish you were here to see them.
All my love,
Melissa
Friday, January 11, 2013
holiday continued...
I apologize...my post was around 3am so I left out a lot of the details and like to have things well documented. The fun details about our break...
Despite the sadness and heavy heart around the Holidays and thinking of our Gracie girl too, we had some fun memories to take with us as always
-watching elle and harry open their gifts (harry in particular LOVED his truck from Aunt Mary and elle's most favorite gift was her sleeping bag from Aunt Debbie)
-watching the cousins "play" - elle is so proud to be the oldest Close cousin and harry and elle adore their big cousin aydan who is just getting cuter by the day (and more athletic)
-hanging with our friends Mel and Nick whom have been sharing the Christmas eve tradition with us and the close's for over 10 years
-making Christmas cookies with aunt chrissy, aydan and harry - she is my mother when it comes to baking...you would be so proud, mom
-wine & beer drinking with the siblings once the kiddos were asleep...we debated, laughed and covered just about every topic (most of which I cannot mention on this blog!)
-cousin pic on Santa's lap...though the line was long and miserable, we captured that moment of the kiddos together
-having a visit with aunt diann and uncle randy at the close's while they were briefly in MI...wonderful to see my family
-Christmas eve service is always beautiful but it's tough...that is where I think of my family, and all of the people hurting out there in particular the victims of sandy hook, ct this year...it sure hit home and my heart aches for those children and all impacted
-Christmas morning - drinking coffee, eating monkey break, giving and getting gifts
-watching my sister put on such a nice dinner for my mom's side of the family - it was so nice to see everyone and wish i saw them more often. great to see my grandfather healthy and happy (he turns 80 this year!!!)
-NYE with our friends kelly and jason - had a great (early) dinner night out at a fabulous restaurant...great to get out after a long break with good people
Of course there are people I wish I caught up with (on the phone and in person) who I miss so much...but know you all were in my heart and I cherish your friendships no matter where you are.
ONE more week until the big day - Elle's birthday! A lot of planning is undergoing...should be a special weekend with our family and friends!
All my love,
Melissa
Despite the sadness and heavy heart around the Holidays and thinking of our Gracie girl too, we had some fun memories to take with us as always
-watching elle and harry open their gifts (harry in particular LOVED his truck from Aunt Mary and elle's most favorite gift was her sleeping bag from Aunt Debbie)
-watching the cousins "play" - elle is so proud to be the oldest Close cousin and harry and elle adore their big cousin aydan who is just getting cuter by the day (and more athletic)
-hanging with our friends Mel and Nick whom have been sharing the Christmas eve tradition with us and the close's for over 10 years
-making Christmas cookies with aunt chrissy, aydan and harry - she is my mother when it comes to baking...you would be so proud, mom
-wine & beer drinking with the siblings once the kiddos were asleep...we debated, laughed and covered just about every topic (most of which I cannot mention on this blog!)
-cousin pic on Santa's lap...though the line was long and miserable, we captured that moment of the kiddos together
-having a visit with aunt diann and uncle randy at the close's while they were briefly in MI...wonderful to see my family
-Christmas eve service is always beautiful but it's tough...that is where I think of my family, and all of the people hurting out there in particular the victims of sandy hook, ct this year...it sure hit home and my heart aches for those children and all impacted
-Christmas morning - drinking coffee, eating monkey break, giving and getting gifts
-watching my sister put on such a nice dinner for my mom's side of the family - it was so nice to see everyone and wish i saw them more often. great to see my grandfather healthy and happy (he turns 80 this year!!!)
-NYE with our friends kelly and jason - had a great (early) dinner night out at a fabulous restaurant...great to get out after a long break with good people
Of course there are people I wish I caught up with (on the phone and in person) who I miss so much...but know you all were in my heart and I cherish your friendships no matter where you are.
ONE more week until the big day - Elle's birthday! A lot of planning is undergoing...should be a special weekend with our family and friends!
All my love,
Melissa
Happy new year
Mom, Dad, family, friends...
The new year is here...I apologize for the drop off in posts but candidly I didn't want to be redundant. I think by now everyone knows that the holidays are painful, the loss is magnified and all I want is to go "home" for the holidays. You were so missed every day. Grandpa looked great, your sister and brothers were happy and Christina did such a nice job hosting Christmas dinner at her apartment. I have come to realize its not about the space you have it's about simply being together. It will never be the same but I'll tell ya, we're doing an impressive job of pushing through and doing our best to be there for our own children and to not miss those precious moments - while also recognizing the reality. It's tough with Justin...my heart aches and he's lonely too. That is the part I really need continued guidance from up above. I need you to tell me what to do here.
Like the past five Christmases, they've been different. I search for new traditions and memories. This year the Close's had a packed house which was good and bad. I grew up in a house that was all about the more the merrier but when you add several kids and being off their schedule and several different personalities, it can get interesting but all in all a great holiday and awesome to see all of our siblings, nephew and nieces. The toughest part this year was thinking we were saying goodbye to our beloved bulldog Gracie. She was vomitting prior to break so I took her in, they ran tests, x-rays and recommended exploratory surgery. They biopsied major organs and tried to find answers. Unfortunately, the surgery did more harm than good as she didn't recover well...reacted to the meds, continued to not eat, vomitt then ultimately caught pneumonia. Her body was shutting down. We were back in MI getting constant updates from our vet but christmas morning was awful - they didn't think she'd survive.
Well, I'll leave the rest in history because January 4th we brought her home for good. She made a miraculous recovery and while i feel we're left with some mystery and a big dent in our savings, I realized how grace is so much more than a dog. She's family. She's been here for us through the worst and best times in our lives. We weren't ready to say goodbye yet. Our prayers were answered.
2013 will be a big year for us...mom and dad, I cannot even comprehend that you've been gone for almost five years. How is that possible? I hope we've made you proud. Chris will graduate - do you believe it? And ted and I will celebrate TEN years. Right before you passed we were finalizing details on our five year trip. I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed...and now I'm a mother of two. I've so missed having you in my life. It sure has been a journey of digging really deep and accepting that this is the new chapter. This life experience has changed my entire life - good and bad.
Our sweet girl will turn four this month. She was a gift from heaven then and she remains that way today. She's so smart and sweet and I'll leave out how I'm excited to say goodbye to the terrible threes...as I know one day I'll miss them.
Harry is my baby. Though he's 18 months, I still can't put him down. He's so kissable. But I can see my time is almost up with this stage, makes me sad.
Happy new year everyone...praying for continued peace for our family, health for friends and family, success in our careers and lives...and a year that's full of memories (a painful one but a really special one like our wedding) and new ones like Chris graduating. Here's to a new year...
The new year is here...I apologize for the drop off in posts but candidly I didn't want to be redundant. I think by now everyone knows that the holidays are painful, the loss is magnified and all I want is to go "home" for the holidays. You were so missed every day. Grandpa looked great, your sister and brothers were happy and Christina did such a nice job hosting Christmas dinner at her apartment. I have come to realize its not about the space you have it's about simply being together. It will never be the same but I'll tell ya, we're doing an impressive job of pushing through and doing our best to be there for our own children and to not miss those precious moments - while also recognizing the reality. It's tough with Justin...my heart aches and he's lonely too. That is the part I really need continued guidance from up above. I need you to tell me what to do here.
Like the past five Christmases, they've been different. I search for new traditions and memories. This year the Close's had a packed house which was good and bad. I grew up in a house that was all about the more the merrier but when you add several kids and being off their schedule and several different personalities, it can get interesting but all in all a great holiday and awesome to see all of our siblings, nephew and nieces. The toughest part this year was thinking we were saying goodbye to our beloved bulldog Gracie. She was vomitting prior to break so I took her in, they ran tests, x-rays and recommended exploratory surgery. They biopsied major organs and tried to find answers. Unfortunately, the surgery did more harm than good as she didn't recover well...reacted to the meds, continued to not eat, vomitt then ultimately caught pneumonia. Her body was shutting down. We were back in MI getting constant updates from our vet but christmas morning was awful - they didn't think she'd survive.
Well, I'll leave the rest in history because January 4th we brought her home for good. She made a miraculous recovery and while i feel we're left with some mystery and a big dent in our savings, I realized how grace is so much more than a dog. She's family. She's been here for us through the worst and best times in our lives. We weren't ready to say goodbye yet. Our prayers were answered.
2013 will be a big year for us...mom and dad, I cannot even comprehend that you've been gone for almost five years. How is that possible? I hope we've made you proud. Chris will graduate - do you believe it? And ted and I will celebrate TEN years. Right before you passed we were finalizing details on our five year trip. I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed...and now I'm a mother of two. I've so missed having you in my life. It sure has been a journey of digging really deep and accepting that this is the new chapter. This life experience has changed my entire life - good and bad.
Our sweet girl will turn four this month. She was a gift from heaven then and she remains that way today. She's so smart and sweet and I'll leave out how I'm excited to say goodbye to the terrible threes...as I know one day I'll miss them.
Harry is my baby. Though he's 18 months, I still can't put him down. He's so kissable. But I can see my time is almost up with this stage, makes me sad.
Happy new year everyone...praying for continued peace for our family, health for friends and family, success in our careers and lives...and a year that's full of memories (a painful one but a really special one like our wedding) and new ones like Chris graduating. Here's to a new year...
Thursday, December 6, 2012
December
Harry and I had a fabulous time in Philly together visiting my dear friend Nicky and her newly expanded family. It was so nice to visit with such a great friend, and to watch our kids running around together to be able to stay up watching a movie, eating popcorn, and drinking wine. Harry was a great traveler and I hope he'll continue to be this flexible. He'll nap anywhere, sleep anywhere and totally be OK being on the GO. I love being on the go especially around the Holidays. I like to switch things up a bit and have new memories as everything I once knew that was normal to has changed. Holidays are so different. So, it was really wonderful to spend time with a good friend...
We've had a busy week with Daddy traveling...boy, I am exhausted....literally 5 minutes after I get Elle down, I am in bed myself. I just feel like I am all business when Dad's away and get frustrated and lose patience with a meltdown or anything that causes us to get off track and keep on schedule! But, I have to remember Elle is not even 4 yet so she's going to have tantrums. Harry even was up at 4am this morning screaming so I ran in there and sure enough he just wanted Elle...he literally was screaming "Elle Bell" at 4am in the morning. He got himself SO upset he finally fell back asleep at 5am....so I was able to get a quick shower in and finish up their lunches before they were both up for good. Always tricky getting that shower in when you're on your own!
We have a fun weekend ahead...Ted's work Christmas party, Elle has a birthday party to attend, and I put together a little girls night out at our new wine bar which I am so excited to try. I love the fact that we can walk there too. Very cool.
Christmas is less than 3 weeks away. We'll be headed back to MI on the 21st so I am already in planning mode to keep busy...mani/pedicure with all of the girls, getting everyone together to go see Santa. I feel every time we're back there we don't go anywhere and it's our vacation to so we want to keep the kids busy doing fun things and be out and about. So I am hoping we can make fun but also relax as well...I feel I have made good progress with gifts, just a few more to buy. The problem is the wrapping. Not only do I not like it, I am not very good at it.
Missing my Family this Season more than ever, thinking of my brother and pray he doesn't feel too lonely and thinking of my friend who is fighting cancer and is undergoing surgery literally as I type....
All my love and hope for a Christmas season that is less painful than the last, a season I am able to remember only the good memories together as a family and able to watch in pure joy my kids and the excitement in their eyes as they experience Christmas.
Melissa
We've had a busy week with Daddy traveling...boy, I am exhausted....literally 5 minutes after I get Elle down, I am in bed myself. I just feel like I am all business when Dad's away and get frustrated and lose patience with a meltdown or anything that causes us to get off track and keep on schedule! But, I have to remember Elle is not even 4 yet so she's going to have tantrums. Harry even was up at 4am this morning screaming so I ran in there and sure enough he just wanted Elle...he literally was screaming "Elle Bell" at 4am in the morning. He got himself SO upset he finally fell back asleep at 5am....so I was able to get a quick shower in and finish up their lunches before they were both up for good. Always tricky getting that shower in when you're on your own!
We have a fun weekend ahead...Ted's work Christmas party, Elle has a birthday party to attend, and I put together a little girls night out at our new wine bar which I am so excited to try. I love the fact that we can walk there too. Very cool.
Christmas is less than 3 weeks away. We'll be headed back to MI on the 21st so I am already in planning mode to keep busy...mani/pedicure with all of the girls, getting everyone together to go see Santa. I feel every time we're back there we don't go anywhere and it's our vacation to so we want to keep the kids busy doing fun things and be out and about. So I am hoping we can make fun but also relax as well...I feel I have made good progress with gifts, just a few more to buy. The problem is the wrapping. Not only do I not like it, I am not very good at it.
Missing my Family this Season more than ever, thinking of my brother and pray he doesn't feel too lonely and thinking of my friend who is fighting cancer and is undergoing surgery literally as I type....
All my love and hope for a Christmas season that is less painful than the last, a season I am able to remember only the good memories together as a family and able to watch in pure joy my kids and the excitement in their eyes as they experience Christmas.
Melissa
Monday, November 19, 2012
the holiday spirit
And, here we are again. The Holidays. I am once again saddened that I feel this way...
I remember the excitement deep in my heart when the Holidays were near...calling my Mom even more frequently about the family gift exchange, the weekend plans, discussing her cheesecake making, talking to the Close's about Christmas eve excited to get all the siblings together, making plans to have them visit my parent's Christmas dinner...I can only imagine how the Holidays would be now with having all the grand-babies in the picture beyond Aydan. It just makes it so hard to go back to MI, to let go, and to have fun in a way that is so outside of what you were used to, what you had envisioned all your life what your Holidays would be like with your own family. I feel stuck, disappointed and angry. You're expectations are heightened...and you are let down so much easier. Ted's brother and sister-in-law are not coming over Thanksgiving. Some would say this is no big deal. This hurt. Surely it's their choice....but I guess we were taken back. To us, we're bothered....we live out of state, we make the hike back with our kids to be around our family and we want to see them.... we crave togetherness and having the small family we do have together. I was taken back. It all goes back to the loss. I think, if my parents were alive, I wouldn't notice as much. I am positive if Mom and Dad were alive they'd be joining us at the Close's for Thanksgiving and it wouldn't be as noticeable if someone couldn't make it. We started doing some of our Holidays together a few years before my parents passed as it was so important to Ted and I (long before kids and my parents dying) that we are all together and that we didn't have to choose. I know that would have continued long into the future...I guess my heart aches when I focus on what could have been and the unfairness of it all. But I know that negative energy is not good...I do have my beautiful kids and my Sister and nephew that will be together at Ted's parents. Ted and I have just had a lot of baggage lately, my brother is not doing well, it's hard to not worry about my Sister as she is studying her butt off to get through RN school as a single Mom with no health insurance...I worry constantly and it wears on my relationship with Ted. I know my parents would be sad about this...they would be so bummed I have this burden. But to me, it's my responsibility or who else will worry about them?
I just want to go back to MI to see our family and watch the cousins play, shop, go for a run out in the cold, eat a great meal and feel thankful for what I do have. But it's so hard...there is still so much anger, sadness and disappointment that I try to fight every day. I will see Justin on Friday. I mean, I am thankful he is in a safe place but he is struggling right now in there. His mind is playing tricks on him again and I am very worried about him and feel so sad that he will be alone on Thanksgiving and we're unable to even bring him a nice meal this time. He will be eating prison food. This kills me. There is so just so much to think about....
I just pray there are moments of joy, thankfulness and spirit throughout the Holiday Season...I am so grateful for many things between the kids, our careers, my sister and her tenacity, my rockstar aydan....our friends....and so much more.....we are blessed in ways others couldn't even imagine...but the sad stuff is really sad....and hard for many to even understand or relate to. And, I have to remember that. They just don't know...
I've been doing some shopping...took my Harry out both Saturday and Sunday in my attempt to "get into the spirit"...buying gifts for others is so much fun, and I need to be thinking of what homemade gift we'll make for our family in honor of my Mom again. Elle and I put cookie jars together for everyone with a picture of Mom and one of her recipes last year. It meant a lot to us to give those out to keep her love for baking and her beautiful Holiday spirit that she shared with so many..alive....
I look forward to seeing friends, baking with the kids, seeing Santa, attending work Holiday parties....I just miss that deep down joy. That joy I once had.
I miss my family. It's just that simple. And I just want to go home for the holidays to share these beautiful babies I now have.......Elle and Harry are the loves of my life.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
I remember the excitement deep in my heart when the Holidays were near...calling my Mom even more frequently about the family gift exchange, the weekend plans, discussing her cheesecake making, talking to the Close's about Christmas eve excited to get all the siblings together, making plans to have them visit my parent's Christmas dinner...I can only imagine how the Holidays would be now with having all the grand-babies in the picture beyond Aydan. It just makes it so hard to go back to MI, to let go, and to have fun in a way that is so outside of what you were used to, what you had envisioned all your life what your Holidays would be like with your own family. I feel stuck, disappointed and angry. You're expectations are heightened...and you are let down so much easier. Ted's brother and sister-in-law are not coming over Thanksgiving. Some would say this is no big deal. This hurt. Surely it's their choice....but I guess we were taken back. To us, we're bothered....we live out of state, we make the hike back with our kids to be around our family and we want to see them.... we crave togetherness and having the small family we do have together. I was taken back. It all goes back to the loss. I think, if my parents were alive, I wouldn't notice as much. I am positive if Mom and Dad were alive they'd be joining us at the Close's for Thanksgiving and it wouldn't be as noticeable if someone couldn't make it. We started doing some of our Holidays together a few years before my parents passed as it was so important to Ted and I (long before kids and my parents dying) that we are all together and that we didn't have to choose. I know that would have continued long into the future...I guess my heart aches when I focus on what could have been and the unfairness of it all. But I know that negative energy is not good...I do have my beautiful kids and my Sister and nephew that will be together at Ted's parents. Ted and I have just had a lot of baggage lately, my brother is not doing well, it's hard to not worry about my Sister as she is studying her butt off to get through RN school as a single Mom with no health insurance...I worry constantly and it wears on my relationship with Ted. I know my parents would be sad about this...they would be so bummed I have this burden. But to me, it's my responsibility or who else will worry about them?
I just want to go back to MI to see our family and watch the cousins play, shop, go for a run out in the cold, eat a great meal and feel thankful for what I do have. But it's so hard...there is still so much anger, sadness and disappointment that I try to fight every day. I will see Justin on Friday. I mean, I am thankful he is in a safe place but he is struggling right now in there. His mind is playing tricks on him again and I am very worried about him and feel so sad that he will be alone on Thanksgiving and we're unable to even bring him a nice meal this time. He will be eating prison food. This kills me. There is so just so much to think about....
I just pray there are moments of joy, thankfulness and spirit throughout the Holiday Season...I am so grateful for many things between the kids, our careers, my sister and her tenacity, my rockstar aydan....our friends....and so much more.....we are blessed in ways others couldn't even imagine...but the sad stuff is really sad....and hard for many to even understand or relate to. And, I have to remember that. They just don't know...
I've been doing some shopping...took my Harry out both Saturday and Sunday in my attempt to "get into the spirit"...buying gifts for others is so much fun, and I need to be thinking of what homemade gift we'll make for our family in honor of my Mom again. Elle and I put cookie jars together for everyone with a picture of Mom and one of her recipes last year. It meant a lot to us to give those out to keep her love for baking and her beautiful Holiday spirit that she shared with so many..alive....
I look forward to seeing friends, baking with the kids, seeing Santa, attending work Holiday parties....I just miss that deep down joy. That joy I once had.
I miss my family. It's just that simple. And I just want to go home for the holidays to share these beautiful babies I now have.......Elle and Harry are the loves of my life.
All my love and hope,
Melissa
Monday, November 5, 2012
wow, November...
I haven't written in weeks...we've been so busy but finally will be home in Cincinnati until we leave for Thanksgiving. We had a busy few weeks - travel for both Ted and I, the kids were sick for a week so there was added stress in the household with me staying home for most of the week. But, I did get out to Dallas prior to my conference to see Aunt Lisa and my cousins. It was so wonderful to be with my family, Mom's side..... My Aunt made the kids the most adorable monogrammed hoodies...and I loved the chance to see her home and her sewing room and see the pics of my Mom around her house. It's hard all of us living out of State but as my cousin and I talked about....we are so happy that we've stayed so connected the last 4 1/2 years. It was therapeutic to be around them knowing it would make my Mom so happy. My cousin and her husband built the most beautiful home and it was so nice to get to know them even more.
I cannot believe November is already here....holidays will be here so quickly. Just going to focus on the kids and them having fun and doing as much stuff as possible with them to keep my mind off my family. But, it's so hard when Justin is calling constantly and is missing family, all that we used to have.....it's hard to put aside. I don't think that it's ever possible. I think I will always have to put that smile on and deep down be bummed around this time of year. It's just hard, this time of year is all about Family and surely I have a great one of my own....but I miss my family unit that I came from and sharing these beautiful kids.
But, we have great friends, more cousins in our family to share Christmas with that will make it so much FUN and a lot to look forward to as the year of 2012 ends and 2013 begins.....some big milestones approaching good and sad in the new year. We are all rooting for my Sister as she fights through Nursing school as a single Mom and I think the highlight of next year will be watching Chris accept her diploma. She's not there yet but I get chills thinking about it. I actually tear up even thinking of graduation....not having Mom and Dad here to be so proud that she finally did it. But, we take one day at a time and only hope for the best. I am trying to do a better job enjoying the moment and not think too hardly about the future and what it would be like "if"...
All my love and hope as we enter this Holiday Season that you are watching us closely and that you are truly here in spirit..............miss you so much every day.
Melissa
I cannot believe November is already here....holidays will be here so quickly. Just going to focus on the kids and them having fun and doing as much stuff as possible with them to keep my mind off my family. But, it's so hard when Justin is calling constantly and is missing family, all that we used to have.....it's hard to put aside. I don't think that it's ever possible. I think I will always have to put that smile on and deep down be bummed around this time of year. It's just hard, this time of year is all about Family and surely I have a great one of my own....but I miss my family unit that I came from and sharing these beautiful kids.
But, we have great friends, more cousins in our family to share Christmas with that will make it so much FUN and a lot to look forward to as the year of 2012 ends and 2013 begins.....some big milestones approaching good and sad in the new year. We are all rooting for my Sister as she fights through Nursing school as a single Mom and I think the highlight of next year will be watching Chris accept her diploma. She's not there yet but I get chills thinking about it. I actually tear up even thinking of graduation....not having Mom and Dad here to be so proud that she finally did it. But, we take one day at a time and only hope for the best. I am trying to do a better job enjoying the moment and not think too hardly about the future and what it would be like "if"...
All my love and hope as we enter this Holiday Season that you are watching us closely and that you are truly here in spirit..............miss you so much every day.
Melissa
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