I am now seeing the true fun behind Halloween. And, a greater understanding why it was one of my Mom's most favorite times of the year. It's all about the kids but even adults can have fun too. My Mom always dressed up and even more so after we got older and she no longer had to walk us around the neighborhood for hours on end to get more candy......one of her more recent creative costumes she put together herself was the bride of Frankenstein. She wore an old red formal dress of mine with a massive wig and painted her face very creepy looking. It was quite outrageous but she was full of fun and got the biggest kick out of the costume and seeing people's reaction. Dad, on the other hand, went the easy route which consisted of a Hawaiian shirt (which was included in his daily wardrobe anyway), a Tigers hat and maybe a mask, and would call himself "magnum PI". One things for sure, they always had fun. Our childhood home was the hot spot for trick or treating...we were right on the corner which meant we always had to have the biggest pumpkin in the neighborhood, a creatively built spider on our tree made by my Mom and her friend, and plenty of friends and family stopping by to visit throughout the evening. My Cousins still miss Halloween at my Moms. They have been going over their since they were little. My nephew too. It was part of the tradition....so much has changed and for us because we live out of State, we generally have smaller more quaint gatherings with a few neighbors. Ted cooked up a pot of my Dad's kielbasa and sauerkraut, cupcakes were baked and we had a fridge filled with seasonal beers to enjoy on the porch with friends. Miss Elle had the most fun walking up and down the street to collect candy. She got the hang of it after the first house and it was too cute watching her grab the candy and place it in her bucket. We let her indulge because it was Halloween....folks, we have a chocolate lover on our hands. She finally came down from the sugar high and fell fast asleep around 8pm. She was exhausted. Let's hope we can keep the sweet tooth to Holidays and celebrations....I am sure all Parents say this. I am just pleased she still eats her broccoli and spinach.
Ted's parents were also down for a quick visit this weekend. They don't get down to Cincinnati much as they work full time and we are so busy to begin with but it was nice to have some family down to see our renovations, to play with Elle, to take us out to dinner like were kids again, and to have someone to go shopping with to pick out fun shoes for my daughter. Relationships with in-laws can be complicated and I have listened to people through the years complain, gripe, and ignore their in-laws. I just didn't get it. Ted and I loved watching, after we got married, our two families become close. Close enough to share several Thanksgivings together, birthdays, visits up to the lake, Christmas day dinner, and even the last Easter dinner we all shared together before my Parents were killed. We had a unique bond. But, take your immediate family away, all you knew as a child, having a new baby without your parents, and facing a horrific loss that you still can't make sense of, and you are bound to have pressures, struggles and sadness as you try to make your way back into a family that you have loved dearly for many years yet you miss your own family, traditions and love from them--so badly. It has been very heartbreaking and difficult.
I guess I have learned that while the deep sadness of the way they died and the constant wishing they were here to see "this", you learn to take deeper breathes, you bite your tongue a little more as no one will ever truly understand what we are facing, and you continue to surround yourself by the best people that you love and that have helped you throughout these tough times. It's hard not to gravitate to those who you feel most comfortable with and that you feel have been even a part of your healing process. I have learned so much throughout these last few years and you truly find your lifelong friendships and family who will always be there through the toughest days of your life when you suffer a life-altering event. You know who will be there and sadly, some relationships may fade...no one's fault of course. Some just don't know what to do or say and saying nothing results in hurt and anger for some. I act like I have this all figured out when I really don't....I learn something new each and every day and wish more then anything I never had to discuss the topics of tragedy and grief and the impact of losing your identity before your eyes. But one thing my Sister and I have been so blessed with is inner strength. I talked about it in the interview and this is what allows us to get out of bed each day to let the joy and fun and love into our lives to give our children, family and friends, all we have to offer. We do this well but not without tears along the way.............we miss our family. And I can already feel the sense of sadness as the Holidays approach....no matter how much you have to be thankful for (mainly a healthy, beautiful daughter and a supportive husband), nothing will ever replace the void. The meaning of Holidays will be forever changed for me but I look forward to watching them through the eyes of my child and thinking of the joy I know us kids brought to my Mom and Dad....especially around the Holidays. I wish they were here.
All of my love,
Melissa
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