leading with strengths

My Aunt and I were emailing today, bummed, talking about our plans for Mother's day weekend and hoping we can all meet up at the cemetery. Things are stressful right now, she is dealing with things with her children and handling this month all over again and Justin's birthday is this week and you look around and everyone else is living life as they should be- with no major bumps in the road just everyday stress that is manageable- and you think, why us? and why my Mom and Dad? There will never be answers. Sometimes when I think of it all- it is really overwhelming....my parents, my brother, my grandfather passing away, my Sister being on her own, literally no support around her....I have to think of these things separately or else it becomes way too much to think about and handle.

I am reading a book my therapist highly recommended and she basically said it was my "homework" until our next session. "when bad things happen to good people".....I am early into the book but it talks a lot about the outcome of those who have suffered a tragedy. Many turn cynical, jealous and angry while few come out brave and at peace. I am stuck and she was amazed where I currently was in the grieving process given everything our family went through. The first year I was in shock and distracted with the pregnancy. The real pain came the second year. She thought I was doing very well considering. I went through, what she referred to as, "a life altering experience".

My Aunt said something very true though today and it made me stop and think for a few moments..."Nobody will understand our loss Mel.....nobody - and we are still not knowing how to deal but just remember one thing. The closeness you shared w/your parents and the closeness i shared w/my sister and brother-in-law... - not too many people can say they share that same love that we were fortunate to have - we just need it and want it back...but remember what we had".

You're right, Auntie. No one can ever take that away from us and maybe just maybe one day I will be at peace knowing that no one will ever fully understand and that people have to move on and be joyous within their own lives and they can't always think of my parents, our pain, our sadness, that is beyond human limitations. I intellectually understand that but it doesn't take away me seeing everyone around me living rather "normal" lives and thinking how badly it sucks how that used to be me (us). I wanted to share my joy with my parents too and now they're gone and nothing anyone can do will ever replace them. I will continue to compare everything, everyone to them and focus on everything that I do not have until one day I accept what happened and be at peace that this is what I was dealt with and that I must let happiness back into my life and let myself be happy for others, sincerely.

I'm attending a seminar later this afternoon on leading with strengths. I took a quiz prior to the session on what my top strengths were and #1 for me was-- communicator.
It read, " you like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them".

Yep, that sounds about right.

To happier days ahead....
Melissa