The "trendy"church

Ted and I recently started going to this really cool church in our area. Have you ever heard such a thing? A really cool church. Well, for starters, you get really good coffee when you get there that you can bring into the service. Awesome. Prior to going into the auditorium (yes, it's that big), you get to network with other people in the community. You can wear whatever you want (gym clothes, dressy clothes or jeans) and the best part that I love the most is the band. This band is amazing. The drummer was even asked to leave "Crossroads" to join John Mayer's tour and he turned it down! So aside from the band, really the favorite part for me is that everyone is welcome. No matter what stage you're in with your relationship with God. Sure I went to a Catholic church all growing up, 1st communion, confirmation and all. But I went because I had to. That sounds bad but when you're young you really don't understand the whole purpose. Even at 28 years old, I still don't understand it but I am trying.

Ted is out of town this week so my friend and I went to the Wednesday evening service. I really felt this particular service was directed toward me. As if they were talking to a room of hundreds of people but only looking at me. The minister wasn't there today so the band members ran the service. One of the guys talked about how he has been weeping for the last few months and how angry he is with God right now and how he is questioning his Faith. He asked God to please pull him out of this state he is in. The other guy spoke about his Sister's death. His younger Sister died a few weeks ago and how bumpy the last few years have been for him. The New York Times called him to interview him about his Sister and how someone pretty religious is handling something so tragic. I loved his response but I cannot quote it because I do not remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of the Times saying how Christians go around saying God is always good no matter what and his response was, well...then I have a different meaning of what Good is then God. People were shocked by his response! Asking him if he would be fired since he does work at a "church". Isn't God always good in Christian's minds?! I guess they just expected someone very religious to say, oh this was God's plan, etc, etc, etc. That's just it, Crossroads accepts every type of person no matter if they're angry at God or if someone is confused and looking to have a relationship with God. I am that person! I am confused, sad, angry and really don't believe in miracles right now as I didn't get my miracle. They didn't make it. They didn't miraculously pull through and live. My parents are gone. And I feel let down by God. But, I pray this life isn't all there is and that when you're gone it's a whole new beginning.....

So, needless to say Ted and I are trying this Crossroads thing out. We have been out of town for the last several months but we'll try to go as much as we can. If anything, it's a place to reflect and to remember. At this point, I will give just about anything a try.....

Another reason why I felt I really had to go tonight was the call I received from my Brother's lawyer. Justin is through with his medical evaluation. I cannot talk about this on the Blog for legal reasons, but just as I had known in my heart all along. That wasn't Justin. That was not my Brother for that moment of time. It makes this all so much harder, confusing and sad. No matter what the outcome is, my parents will not be brought back and my Sister and I will be living with the sadness we have for our Brother, and the loss of Mom and Dad...forever.

Praying for Mom, Dad and Justin all of the time (and myself...occasionally).

Your Daughter