We can do this

I feel so badly for Christina. She relied so heavily on you both. She is only 24 years old. She is not married and has not graduated from Nursing School yet. So many milestones to still experience as a young adult and she is without parents to share these with, all while raising your pride and joy Aydan. My heart aches when I talk to her. She knows more then I do. She saw you after you died Mom. I cannot get that image out of my head. My heart begins to race as I picture Christina walking into the hospital room witnessing our beautiful, always smiling Mother lying there with tubes coming out her mouth......dead. I cannot fathom that moment for a second. God had me in Cincinnati for a reason and knew it would take me 4 hours to get there and it would then be too late for me to see you. I couldn't have done it. Someone else please tell me you couldn't have done it either??

My Dad was already gone, he was pronounced at the scene. Never even made it to the hospital just straight to the medical examiners office. This sounds like a movie, a nightmare but it's my life. My wonderful loving parents. Do you know my Mother wouldn't even kill a fly or a Spider? This is true. This is so not fair for my Family, my Sister, my Brother, my Aydan or for the many hundreds of people who loved them dearly.

As time goes on, it has not yet got any easier for Chris and I. All we have to do is think about it or see a picture and it brings it back instantly. And trust me, there are lots and lots of pictures. But what has happened, is we are able to now reflect so clearly the wonderful times spent.

I just pray her and I will one day learn to accept our new life and live it fully and to be able to smile genuinely again and not feel this huge hole in our hearts as we celebrate something without them there. I can smile again...I do today, every day as a matter of fact. I even laugh a lot. But it's always, always there. As I am laughing about a joke I am instantaneously thinking about Mom and Dad.

When someone says to me their parents are coming in for the weekend or my Mom is coming to stay with me for the weekend, it stabs me right in the heart. I yearn for those times when I could do that. It's no fault of any ones. I don't want people to treat me a different way or not share certain things with me as I care about the people around me and of course I want to hear every detail about their own lives, even when it includes their parents. Its just sad, that's all. Because I want to share right back with them on my weekend with my parents.

Your blonde~blue eyed girls~miss you terribly.