Headed to the beach house

When Ted and I lived in Boston for three years, we got the happiness of getting to know Ted's Aunt, Uncle and cousins who lived in New England. They took us in immediately...inviting us down to their beloved beach house in Waterford, CT that sits on the Long Island Sound. It's a really beautiful place and like Mom and Dad's lake house, the stress goes away upon arrival and you find yourself in complete relaxation mode. Our days are spent lounging on the Dock reading a good book, tubing or attempting Wind Surfing, eating Lobster at a cool little shack type restaurant and ending the day with some Wine, Ice Cream, maybe a fire or a Movie.
It's super casual and comfortable and Ted and I always got the room with the "twin beds".

I am headed there this weekend before the Summer is over. It couldn't be better timing. My parents were here this time last year to celebrate my Birthday so it will be nice to be with Family. However, it's also very difficult knowing they would have been in Cincinnati with me this year. They would come down and we would got out to dinner. Dad would help around the house, probably power wash our much needed deck and patio. Mom would bake us a cheesecake and we would stay up late sipping Wine and playing cards. We would go out for my Birthday and Dad and Ted would sit at the bar while Mom and I danced. I always thought I was so lucky to have young parents. I loved saying my Mom just turned 50 years old last April. They were so full of life. Never went to bed early and they were always up for anything as long as it involved fun shared with Family and Friends.

With suffering from such a huge loss, it's hard to call myself lucky by any stretch these days but I know I am because I still have wonderful relationships with my Family. I find it very cool that I can spend the weekend with Ted's Aunt, Uncle and cousins without Ted going with me. We are that close and I am lucky to have them in my life.

I received the very first letter from Justin today. It was 3 pages long. Incredibly heart wrenching, sad, scary and real. I cannot imagine what goes through his mind each and every day knowing that he took away the lives of the two most important people in his life.
For this moment I need to something to blame and I am blaming the medications. It's not for debate but I am certain by weaning off one of his meds after so many years made him incredibly paranoid, anxious and he believed things that were absolutely not true. The particular medication he was still on was used by one of the Columbine Shooters. I am not saying there was a connection but this story, that has changed my life forever, is opening my eyes to the world of medications and frankly, I am scared to death of them.

For three days, I can put some of this aside and enjoy my life with the Special people who are still here on Earth.

I am so sorry Mom and Dad that you will not get to spend another Birthday with me. I know in my heart you would have been here and you still will be....in spirit.