Did I ever mention how much fun my Mother would have? Or how frequently my Mother laughed? Particularly at things of which I would do. My most famous thing would be the messages on the answering machine. Like I said, my parents had social lives of a 21 year old so they were often not home. I would call leaving several voice mails on their answering machine. Not just any message, messages that consisted of singing, voice impersonations, etc. She often saved them so she could replay when I came home. She'd also get a kick out of my singing or honestly, anything even relatively funny...my Mother would laugh very hard.
My Mother was such a wonderful caring person who always put the care of others first (Grandpa, Aydan, her kids, and a friend in need) before herself. But one thing she would do is allow herself to have fun. I am so thankful for that. At 50 years old my Mother still danced (a lot), purchased clothing at craft fairs that said things like "Martini" (more on that in a minute) and just looked extremely good for her age. (please tell me I was passed on that gene)
But while she had so much fun, her life wasn't total peaches. She cared for my Dad's Father from everything to his shopping, banking and doctors appointments to caring for my brother and doing everything imaginable for him (who have would have thought the one she cared for the hardest would end her life). She also watched her grandchild Aydan a minimum of three times per week and had two daughters who would call her constantly for advice, direction or just to simply talk. While she was mainly a homemaker, she had a ton of responsibility.
So more on the Martini clothing. This one really hurts. I am certain I have made my Mother cry more then this, thankfully I don't remember them. Most of us kids do this at some point even when not intentional. So I called her and we were chatting one Sunday afternoon and she was telling me with such excitement about this adorable shirt she bought that said "Martini" with matching earrings and a necklace. I acted like a complete snob and said, "are you kidding me? Who would spend money on such choch". (one of my favorite words for something tacky). She started to cry and actually hung up on me. I called her back and Dad answered the phone. He says to me, "Good job, you made your Mother upset." I felt terrible. I was only joking.....I asked him if I could please talk to her. She got on the phone with her sad voice and I distinctly remember saying, "Mommy, I am sorry, I love you but I just thought it sounded kind of tacky." Sniffles were still in her voice and she said whatever and we were fine. I found out later she shared her hurt with her Sister Kim and my Sister. I feel so bad now and I did then too. Why didn't I say, "oh that's so cute. How fun! You'll look cute in that on the weekends at the Lake or something". You can never take words back but I am certain I showed her how much I loved her after that. For Christmas, I got my Mommy the most comfy white Robe that she wore every morning until the day she died. I now have it in my laundry closet. I still haven't washed it yet. But I mine as well as it's among my other dirty clothes so any scent left of my Mother is probably now gone. I should wash it and start using it myself.
Mommy, if you can hear me, I love you and there was nothing tacky about your Martini shirt. You were beautiful and had such a fun spirit about you that many women lose in their 30's. Not you though........you kept on having fun.
So a reminder to all of those daughters out there, try and not ever make your Mother cry. You'll regret it one day. I certainly do. I am just thankful I said I was sorry and that I loved her. Some never say their sorry. If you have made your Mother cry before, I have to admit, I would like to hear your story. (someone make me feel like I am not alone!)
Sorry Mommy, you were the greatest and I hope I made you laugh much more then I made you cry. And as I look back at the fun we used to have, I am confident this is true.
4 comments:
I have been reading your blog since day 1 and can tell you I have learned so much from your strength. My sister sent me the link, she is a "Beaver" and worked at Fords. I wanted to say that I am a 50 year old mom and I can tell you that your mom forgave you for anytime you made her cry, as soon as the incident happened. Believe me, hurt feelings are a lot harder on the kids than the moms. We can take it and you have shared of your mom's strength and warm heart and believe me, the incident with the martini shirt bothered you a lot more than her.
It has been a privilege to pray for you and your family in the last few months, even though we are strangers. May God bless you.
Melissa,
We got very few of my mothers things after she died. She died young also. I missed her long before her actual death occurred. I too struggled with hurtful things that I had said to her, unknowingly, and hoped that she had forgiven my youthful arrogance. I know that she had.
But my most precious heirloom- so to speak, was her bathrobe. It wasn't special, but I took it home with me after she died. I wore it until I wore it out. I wore it for years! I looked like her whenever I wore it. Funny isn't it what becomes important? Love you.
Melissa,
I guess robes are special, I still have Don’s robe hanging where he always left it, behind the door. When I feel especially sad I wear it. It’s funny how much his robe can feel like a hug. I only have one thing that still smells like Don, and that’s his easy chair, where his head rested. His pillow and other things like that, smelled like Don after he was sick, so I washed away the smell I didn’t want to remember; and now I don’t remember that smell.
I too think of things said, or actions taken by me that hurt Don; it feels as if someone is squeezing my heart. But when I think of things he did or said to hurt me, it doesn’t wound me because I knew he loved me; and that is what I hold onto when I am remembering my mistakes. He knew I loved him, that is really the best we can give our loved ones; unconditional love. I know your mom felt that from you.
Love you,
Karyn Hamilton-Feigel
Melissa,
Your Mom was a great woman and I miss her too! She loved all of you so much! I have never met a more devoted Mother and Wife than Pat. Your Mom was my roommate on all our Beaver trips. She was loads of fun and I will miss her so much this September when I have to make that drive without her (I used to come and pick her up, and your Dad would come out and give her a kiss goodbye, and we would yell "BEAVERS"!) My room will seem so empty without her in it. Don't ever worry that she would have stayed upset at you for one second. Parents love their children no matter what they do or say. Like I said, you guys were her life, and she was (and is) so proud of you! I enjoy reading your blogs, 'cause it makes me smile and go.."yes, that is Pat and Jerome". Can I let you in on a little secret? I haven't been able to take your Mom's phone number out of my phone yet. I know our pain isn't anything compared to yours, but your parents were truly loved by all who met them, and are deeply missed!
Post a Comment