Friday will be a tough day~

Actually, these days, everyday feels a little tough. One month ago today, you both left the world. I am still having difficulty realizing you both are gone and that I cannot just pick up the phone and call.

I had a temper tantrum today at the dealership, I would have called you. My new company car was ready and I couldn't wait to pick it up. Metallic blue was the color (think pale blue-yes, Dad's favorite color, and more importantly the color of his casket that we chose). So even though, I placed the car order prior to your death, the color of the car had significance. I arrive at Chevrolet (not a Ford, but still an American made car....and it's paid for DAD), sign papers and follow the salesman to the lot. He approaches this dark blue-purple, sort of blueberry-ish car and starts opening the passenger door. He says with a smile, "this is a great car ma'am, rated top North American Car for 2008." I reply, "yes but this is not the color I ordered. I ordered metallic blue which was a PALE BLUE as shown on your website." He replies, "oh, you never trust those color schemes on the website-I always recommend actually seeing the car and color in person." My heart SANK....

So... I drove away in my new, blueberry-ish car, that actually does look Navy the more I drive it, with tears rolling down my cheeks. The problem was that I tied the color of the car to you Dad. So I was so disappointed and emotional. I will get over it and I feel very FORTUNATE that I get a company car, but it was just another one of the moments that I could have used you to call. Instead, Ted and Julie got an earful.

Friday we are burying your ashes Mom, in a beautiful urn above Dad. Christina and I are getting photographed for the News Herald memorial article that is being worked on and then we are going to dinner with Mom and Dad Close. We have many things to celebrate; your life, our 5 year anniversary, Matt's 30th birthday and Mother's Day! We have many things to be grateful for and a million reasons to toast.

Today may be tough and tomorrow could be tougher, but every day is a gift and we must live our life to the fullest. Even if it means a temper tantrum every once in a while.