Surprise!

"It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years!" (Abe Lincoln)

I found this quote at your favorite market in Hyde Park, Fresh Market on a magnet. It's amazing when you find the right words to make you feel better. I keep thinking over and over how unfair it is that you only had 50 and 51 years on Earth and that I only had you for 28 of them.

Your years really counted though. One of my most favorite memories was surprising Dad on his 50th birthday and Mom's 50th birthday, which was the last birthday celebration we would have since Mom passed a few weeks before turning 51.

Watching you enter the room to be sung Happy Birthday by all of your family and friends was truly priceless. The happiness on your faces will never be forgotten.

I am so thankful, we had these parties and can now cherish the memories and the surprises!

Missing you always.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! LIVE THE LIFE you've imagined. " (thoreau)

Keep giving me that gift.

Mom and Dad,

Like you have known for many years, I was given the gift of friendship from the both of you (as I have mentioned in previous posts). My friends mean the world to me and I feel as if I have always let them know that. Perhaps not verbally, but through my actions. Whether it be calling them often, sending them emails, a simple card, planning a vacation....or just being there when they needed me the most. Hey, I even drove my friend to Arizona once, although the car we were driving was automatic which I had never driven. (Ali- I will never forget that trip).





Through this tragedy, you realize who is really in for the long hall. These individuals know I may struggle for a long time. They don't have expectations of me. They just love me for who I am and understand the importance of honoring the both of you.


I only hope I will one day be able to return the kindness, love and friendship they have given me.





I could name the hundreds of people who have reached out and are helping me through this difficult time, but these individuals don't expect that. They are here because they want to be.





I do have to mention one particular lovely lady. Dad, you met her about 2 months before you passed away. It was the night you were goofing around with Teddy and collecting trinkets. She was there.





Julie is an earth angel, if that does exist. She was always a friend through work but has became a friend I cannot live without. She over analyzes situations and gives the best advice. She really knows what's important in life.





She is here with me always, even if she is not always near by....






You would be so proud, impressed and happy about the people I have in my life. They won't let me fail. They won't let me fail.......keep reinforcing that.

We did it Mom and Dad, we did it.

We ate S'mores. Worked on the boat. Power washed the deck. Shed some tears. Cut trees down. Hosted a bon-fire. Played 31. Looked at pictures-shed some more tears. Read Mom's yearbook where Dad wrote some beautiful words their senior year and then of course, tried to have a good time. I have to admit, it was incredibly quiet at the house even with so many friends and family around. Whenever Dad was around, you'd hear his laughter outside with his buddies or as he came through the house to mix a cocktail or would be yelling, "get out of my kitchen". Mom was always hanging with the girls and your presence was missed severely.

After walking in for a few minutes, I sat and cried on Dad's chair. A chair that was the spot for his naps, a place to watch his few TV channels, and where he did his last crossword puzzle at this house, which was left on the side table. Mom had left a book she was reading, "chicken soup for the soul" which I believe I purchased for her years ago. Oddly enough, her book mark was the words to the "Amazing Grace" hymn played at the funeral and it was left on the chapter discussing loss and the first few lines discussed who would you call and what would you say to them if you knew you only had a few days to live. It was very strange to find that book and where the bookmark was placed. And all of those pictures of us on that fridge....you really loved your family so much.

It wasn't easy and I am not sure it ever will be, but what I am trying to tell myself is that this is a place we can bring our family and friends together. Everyone, including your brother and Sister-in-Law and Grandpa and Eve seemed so thrilled we are keeping the place. You have a community of friends and family in Harrison and I think they will enjoy watching your daughters live on and still welcome them into a home that you once lived in.

Mom and Dad, you would have been real proud of the boys this weekend, they worked really hard as seen in these pictures. I goofed around as usual, couldn't focus on any one project. I would start bagging up your clothes and then stop in the middle and go clean a toilet. The other Melissa would yell, "are you ever coming back, where is that garbage back you said you you were bringing?!"

Hey, I tried...

You were missed more than you will ever know by everyone who was up there. I still have mixed emotions on how I feel about enjoying this place but I am so certain this is what you would have wanted.

With love,

All of your friends and family that have shared memories with you in Harrison, MI.

Heading to the Lake...

Although Harrison, MI remains one of my most favorite places in the world, I am absolutely terrified to arrive tomorrow night without you there to greet us. You loved when everyone would get up to the Lake. I am sad to say Ted and I did not go up there as much as we would have liked with living out of State over the past few years. However, I am so happy Christina and I made it up there last Labor Day and had a blast, which would be the last time we were up there with you both. We woke up to coffee and cinnamon French Toast and played many rounds of 31 in the evening. We took boat rides and enjoyed a fun family dinner, cooked by Dad. And of course, we made S'mores as seen in the below photo.

Nick and Mel are on their way home tonight to join us up-north. Christina and Matt will also be there to help. Don't worry Dad, we'll get the place Summer ready...we'll get the boat in the Water, power wash the deck, mow the lawn, make certain your rock garden is perfect and even get the wood ready for the bon-fire and yes, we'll hang out with your Big-Bro, Uncle Stan. I look back and I don't know how you guys did it all. We always had snacks or food to enjoy, the meat would be marinating, and all of sudden a fire would be built and the house would always be clean. You multi tasked to make sure your friends and family were comfortable and having a good time. Thank you for that. You truly had the gift of entertaining.

I do not know what to expect tomorrow when we arrive. You were at the house in March so we will see exactly how you left it. It will be so hard. We will miss your laughter so terribly.

Aunt Kim and Grandpa Greiner and other family will be there. We are going to have a dinner on Saturday. The Harrison Eagles is also having a Memorial this weekend in your Memory and for other lost members this year.

Please still grace us with your presence at the Lake house and fill our hearts with good memories as we take this next step.....to Harrison, MI.

The toast

The day before Ted and I left for our vacation, Mom and Dad Close took us to dinner to celebrate. A celebration of many things; the burial of Mom's ashes to rest at Dad's grave site, our 5 year anniversary, Matt's 30th birthday, and of course...Mother's day. This day was very emotional, but we felt blessed to have each other. Christina and I are hurting tremendously for the loss of you both and we feel deep sadness for Justin as he himself copes with this unthinkable tragedy.

Toasts such as this help us get through the day.

Upon arrival at the restaurant, there was a bottle of champagne on the table and these very words printed on each of our place settings.

Nick and I wanted to start your special evening and weekend off with a toast:

To Matt, Happy 30th Birthday! We wish we could be there to celebrate with you!

To our friends, Teddy & Melissa, Happy 5th Anniversary! We can't believe it has been 5 years already. You have many more anniversaries to celebrate as you have had great guidance from both of your parents! Have a great time on your trip and we wish we could be there!

To Cindy, Happy Mother's Day! You are an amazing Mom! We are happy and so thankful that we have you as one of our Mom's. You've guided us all on how to raise such a beautiful family with all the love and support a family needs! We love you!

To Christina, Happy Mother's Day! You are following in your Mother's footsteps; you are an amazing Mom and have raised such a beautiful child at such a young age!

To Pat, Happy Mother's Day! You've raised two beautiful and strong daughters both inside and out; Melissa, my best friend and Christina my little sister I never had! We miss you!

Melissa & Christina, I know this is not easy with Mother's Day being this weekend. We are here for the two of you and will spend every minute and every day that we can with you.

To Steve and Cindy, thank you for gathering everyone for such a special night!

Please raise your glasses for the beginning of a wonderful celebration!

Cheers!

With Love,

Melissa & Nick

moments such as this

Anyone who really knows me know how much I love photos. I never leave anywhere without my camera. I get this from no one else but you, Mom. You are probably one of the few that actually still printed pictures after taking them! With digital cameras, many leave them on their computers or memory card.

Another gift you have left me that went unnoticed until now, the love for capturing special moments so we're able to look back and smile, cry and nevertheless, remember.....

Moments such as this are what cameras were made for. These make me cry and smile at the same time. I love you so much Dad and the smile on your face shows how proud of Christina and I you were. Mom is in the backroom, saying "wait for me".

Gamma and her Aydan....what life is all about.

The last family photo

While I have a ton of photos of you and Dad up until a few weeks before you passed away, Christmas Eve Day was the last photo we have as an entire family, with Justin included.

Christmas Day was always our day of celebration for what truly mattered in life (but I will admit for being excited for the presents too) and for exchanging gifts with the immediate family. However, since Christina began working at the Hospital and with Matt being a firefighter, our dates had to remain flexible. We decided to switch up the opening of presents tradition and moved it to Christina and Matt's house on Christmas Eve day.

Christina and Matt cooked a yummy brunch for us all, Ted and I brought Mimosas and Mom brought over warm cinnamon rolls. We laughed as Aydan tore through tons of presents from us all. We exchanged presents with Justin and he seemed happy and even gathered close with the family for this photo. This photo will be forever significant- the last family photo taken. Ted took this photo, that is why he is missing.

Everyone looks so happy and content. Dad, we gave you such a fun surprise! A 50 inch Flat TV! Mom Close and I found this TV at Circuit City and called Mom for her credit card # so we could get it for Dad. You were so thrilled! Mom Close and I had a grand old time loading two of these huge TV's in her vehicle (we got one for Dad Close too). You couldn't leave Christina's house fast enough to get it set up at home. Justin actually went with Mom to Ikea to buy the TV stand. He helped her get it into the car and home.

No one would ever expect this would be our last Christmas together as a family. Christmas was everything to us, even Justin. We always gathered as a family; exchanged presents, had yummy food and just enjoyed one another.

From the article, some may get the impression Justin was rather detached from the family. This is completely false Mom and Dad and we all know that. Although he didn't say much, he was always around. He spent a few days a week with Aydan since you baby-sat often, he was extremely close with you and he tagged along with you and Dad often when you went up-north on weekends. You were everything to him and did absolutely everything for him. I know he realizes this and feels tremendous shock for what he has done. You inspire me for the unconditional love you gave to him and all of the effort you put forth to care for him. I know it was hard and I am sorry I was not the greatest support system for you. I constantly tried to give you advice on what I thought was best for Justin, but only you and Dad knew what he needed. I am sorry I was not more help. I just wanted him to lead a normal fulfilled life. That's all I ever wished for. It makes me so sad and angry that medications changed who Justin was as a person as he continued taking them and eventually weaned off of them. It sure is a controversial subject, but it's so hard to imagine that minds can play tricks on us when weaned off from something you have taken for so many years. It's no one's fault, but I wish I would have been more educated on the risks.

Christmas will never be the same without our entire family. In fact, our entire life will never be the same. But what I am told is I will learn to adjust to my new life, as they call it. A new life, without the two most important people I knew. Unfortunately, that doesn't sound too enticing. A life without you in it... but I have one choice and that is to live it and one day, we will be together again as a family. It sure is easier said then done. I am not certain many people have ever gone through losing their parents at the same time in this form of tragedy (thankfully, this is rare), but unfortunately there is no no manual for the grieving process. You take one day at a time. Trying every single minute to be strong. People depend on me, and I am important, I deserve a wonderful life, but this life would have been much more wonderful with you in it. And that's the hardest part to accept.

You make me more proud each and every day to have had you as parents. A daughter could not ask for anything more. Just wish I had told that to you, everyday.

Maybe I can help others be more appreciative of what they have and to not sweat the small stuff. "C'mon, was your day or week really that bad?" Lately, I think that when I hear others complain, even though we all do it. You still have your family and love right? That's really all that matters in life. Honestly, everything else......seems so small.

While I know some pretty amazing people, there is one particular person that comes to mind that never sweats the small stuff. That is one of my greatest friends, Nicky Hinderberger. Of the 8 years I have known her, I can only recall her "sweating the small stuff" once and I think it was the time that I wouldn't take the garbage out....after living with her for a full year in Chicago. Sorry Nick, I hope you have forgiven me! :-)

Missing you more than ever Mommy and Dad.

In Memory of your life

http://www.thenewsherald.com/

Sunday, May 18th the News Herald will feature the front page article in your honor.

Above is the link where you can read the story. Everything we said came from our hearts, and we cannot say enough how deeply missed you will be.

You are in our hearts and on our minds at all times.

Thank you for leaving a legacy. A legacy of family values, friendship, love and the importance of living a full life.

We love you always and forever,
Melissa, Ted, Christina, Aydan, Matt, and all your family members and close friends.

A beatiful place, a broken heart

Lush accommodations. natural surroundings. a national park. 7 stunning beaches (we never even saw the pool). a beachfront room. Champagne toasts. Sunsets. Scuba diving with a Sting Ray. The most turquoise water your eyes have ever seen. The Caneel Bay resort in St. John was absolutely stunning, but with the thought of you no longer in my life, a sadness would come over me not allowing me to fully see how beautiful this place really was.

It would hit me out of the blue. Ted would be out snorkeling and I would be reading my book and my mind would start wandering. "how can I live my life without you in it?" I would ask myself over and over again, why did this happen to our family? How can my life still be special and wonderful without you in it? The sadness I feel is like a ton of bricks being carried on my shoulders. I find it difficult to fully explain, but my heart is completely broken. Any other way, Mom and Dad. Any other way. Not this way, not both of you. Why were you both taken away from me?

I had many nightmares while on vacation, not sure why. It could be because I slept so soundly. One was more of a dream. I was granted a wish to see you both one more time. I couldn't say anything to you about the tragedy that was going to happen. All I could do was hug you. I had two minutes. We were in my kitchen in Cincinnati. I hugged Mom first. I couldn't let go. I was squeezing her so tightly. She kept saying to me, "Melissa-why are you hugging me for so long? You silly girl". Then I hugged Dad, which he was usually a quick hugger. Not this time. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him.

I know this was a dream, but I hope you saw this dream and felt my longing to hug you once again.

Ted and I are very fortunate and blessed to take beautiful vacations. We absolutely love the beach. We are the type of people that can stay there all day long.

We reminisced over dinner on our favorite memories with the both of you. Ted still thinks his most fun he had with Dad was your last trip to Cincinnati in February. The bond that both of you shared was so special and not many people have that type of relationship with their Father-in-law. I am just so saddened it was over so soon. I wanted it to last for a lifetime. The memories will though.

Please don't get me wrong, we still had plenty of fun. I could snap out of it for a moment and we shared many wonderful bottles of wine over great meals while taking in the natural, beautiful, surroundings.

I know you wouldn't want my life to be filled with sadness and heartache, so please know that I am fighting it as hard as I can, every single day. I fight for you because I know seeing me happy would be most important to you.

Missing you terribly.

Follow us...

To St. John...

Lead us as you have for all of these years.

Give us peace that you are together in a wonderful place.

Guide us on our journey of life.

Love and protect us.

Walk by our sides Mom and Dad... forever.....

We love you always,

Melissa and Ted

Friday will be a tough day~

Actually, these days, everyday feels a little tough. One month ago today, you both left the world. I am still having difficulty realizing you both are gone and that I cannot just pick up the phone and call.

I had a temper tantrum today at the dealership, I would have called you. My new company car was ready and I couldn't wait to pick it up. Metallic blue was the color (think pale blue-yes, Dad's favorite color, and more importantly the color of his casket that we chose). So even though, I placed the car order prior to your death, the color of the car had significance. I arrive at Chevrolet (not a Ford, but still an American made car....and it's paid for DAD), sign papers and follow the salesman to the lot. He approaches this dark blue-purple, sort of blueberry-ish car and starts opening the passenger door. He says with a smile, "this is a great car ma'am, rated top North American Car for 2008." I reply, "yes but this is not the color I ordered. I ordered metallic blue which was a PALE BLUE as shown on your website." He replies, "oh, you never trust those color schemes on the website-I always recommend actually seeing the car and color in person." My heart SANK....

So... I drove away in my new, blueberry-ish car, that actually does look Navy the more I drive it, with tears rolling down my cheeks. The problem was that I tied the color of the car to you Dad. So I was so disappointed and emotional. I will get over it and I feel very FORTUNATE that I get a company car, but it was just another one of the moments that I could have used you to call. Instead, Ted and Julie got an earful.

Friday we are burying your ashes Mom, in a beautiful urn above Dad. Christina and I are getting photographed for the News Herald memorial article that is being worked on and then we are going to dinner with Mom and Dad Close. We have many things to celebrate; your life, our 5 year anniversary, Matt's 30th birthday and Mother's Day! We have many things to be grateful for and a million reasons to toast.

Today may be tough and tomorrow could be tougher, but every day is a gift and we must live our life to the fullest. Even if it means a temper tantrum every once in a while.

My Mommy

You always teased me for being 28 years old and the fact that I still called you "Mommy".

I will be in St. John on Mother's Day, thinking of you; but I wanted to be sure I dedicated a post all to you, on your day. I really pray that you knew how much I loved you and what an amazing Mother I thought you were for all of these years. You knew that, right? Ted tells me you definitely knew as I would call you everyday, I'd bug you and Dad on when the next time you were coming to Cincinnati for a visit and I always made a point to do something with you guys every time I came back to Michigan. I never missed a birthday, or Mother's Day and always celebrated your wedding anniversary. Ted and I sent you to Cafe Cortina for your 25th anniversary and took you to Montgomery Inn for Ribs in Cincinnati for your 30th. We threw you a 50th birthday party last year and all your friends and family were there. That was actually all Dad, but Christina, Aunt Diann and I did the decorating.

We have had so many memories together, it's very difficult to even summarize even just a few of them.

I promise to never lose sight of any of the memories we have shared. I promise to always look at pictures to take me back to a particular event. I promise to think of you everyday. I promise to live my life the way you would have wanted. I promise to take your humor, character, care for others and love for life along with me, on this journey. I promise to keep your memory and spirit alive.

Losing you at such a young age is so hard for Christina and I. You were going to live with me for a month or two or three when Ted and I had our 1st child. I was going to call you at all hours of the night for advice. I was going to call you when I got my next promotion. I was going to call you when I was having a bad day. I was going to call you just to say hello. I was going to call you to make plans. I was going to call you, on Mother's Day.

Your phone number is disconnected, and I cannot hear your voice, but please know that on Mother's Day you will be on my mind and in my heart, for this day and for every Mother's Day to come.

Happy Mother's Day...Mommy. You were the best.

The scrapbook

As you both know, Ted and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary on May 10th. Wow- 5 years, 3 states, and a thousand memories to cherish.

I remember talking to Mom about this upcoming trip and the fact that I wish you guys were coming along with Ted and I to St. John. Who normally would want their parents on their 5 year anniversary trip? Yep, that was me, I did! Sorry Ted. You prefer cruises though, and we talked about a possible Villa rental next year, with the family...I was planning to get the Close's to come too- I have my ways of persuasion. I loved your spirit of adventure, and your willingness to go anywhere and do anything, with the people you enjoy the most. I could call you up two weeks before and say, "hey I have a race in Nashville, let's take a trip down there". Before you knew it, we had a hotel and the three of us had a wonderful weekend, while Ted stayed back with Gracie. Dad was so bummed to find out Ted wasn't going. We still managed, to have a really good time together.

One of my most fond vacation memories is the cruise we took together in 2004, as shown above. Ted and Dad got hand rolled cigars in Jamaica. Mom, Aunt Kim and I got our hair done at the Cruise ship Salon, we ate chips and salsa washed down with cold Coronas..as we listened to a Mariachi band in Mexico. We watched the Red Sox win the World Series, in the cruise ship bar. We introduced Dad to Red Bull energy drink, which kept him up all night long. Dad would meet Aunt Diann for a walk early morning around the track, and be sure we had our lawn chairs by the pool. Grandpa Greiner and Dad would sit in the hot tub, over an afternoon cocktail. We'd meet for dinner every night at 6:30, ordering champagne and fun drinks, while Aunt Kim hit on the waiter (only kidding) and we cheered to another great day. We would gather in someones room and talk on the patio and look out into the Ocean. Mom, Kim and I were called Sisters the entire time, and we had wished Christina was there, to add to the Sister commentary.

The most amazing thing about this vacation is the fact that you made a scrapbook, Mom. I remember you mentioning something about it but I never saw it until this weekend when Christina placed it in the "Melissa pile". I opened it up and there were handwritten notes by each picture, from you. There are some things in life that are very precious and this is one of those things.

Here are some of the comments you wrote next to the pictures in the scrapbook- I can almost hear you say them again.

A picture of Aunt Kim, Ted and Mom, "Thanks to my daughter for taking the funniest picture ever. I love it! Last night of our cruise."

A picture of Aunt Kim, Melissa and Mom, "My favorite picture! My Sister, my daughter & me!"

A picture of you Mom, doing your famous bunny dance, "The one and only famous bunny dance by Patricia Olszowy! This is for you Melissa!"

That last comment made me feel as if you were talking directly to me as I was reading through this scrapbook. Here I see you in this beautiful dress bouncing in the air like a bunny, with the hugest grin, and here you hand write this comment, "this is for you Melissa". This is one of those moments that I really thank you so much for doing something that seemed so simple at the time. Who would have thought a scrapbook would become so significant, so incredibly important, so cherished.....

Thank you, Mom.

The Dash...

Family is what life is all about. No one passes away wishing they would have worked more hours, or bought that expensive car, what matters most is the time spent with our loved ones and the memories left to cherish...

A few lines from the poem that was read at your funeral by your friend and neighbor, Jerry Mussio.

"For it matters not, how much we own; the cars...the house..the cash...

what matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash".

I am so thankful that material things never mattered to you. You were happiest when you were spending time with your family and friends or cruising half moon lake on a beautiful Summer day.

You truly spent your dash the way most people would envy.

I hope to live my life a little more like this:

"To consider what's true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile...remembering that this special dash might only last a little while..."

Although I am truly hurt and saddened your dash was far too quick, be very proud of the way you lived your life and the impact you had of those you surrounded.

A few photos to make you smile over the weekend...

Ted and I are headed back to MI after work to care of things. Matt and Christina have been doing so much. Have a wonderful weekend. Love you.....

Will this ever get easier?

I attended a networking event tonight through work and the industry. The event was held at someone's house. Her house was beautiful and we had a wonderful catered Mexican dinner, margaritas and conversation with women in the Consumer Products Industry. I have to admit, it was hard, yet enjoyable at the same time.

I was suppose to attend a Network of executive women event the week you passed away, so when someone asked if I attended, I didn't know how to respond. I said there was a tragedy in the family so I was unable to attend. Then came more questions. Is everything okay? So I started asking myself, how far do I go? No one can handle the truth? This is so sad, I may start crying as I explain? So I said, there was a homicide and I lost my parents........

As I sit here, I ponder about the future and what it will bring. These career minded women I just spent 4 hours with were inspiring. Some were Mothers, single mothers, divorced, married with children, single, lived all over the country, executives, but they all were good-fun-kind-hearted people.

But did any of them lose both of their parents in the way that I did? Am I alone? Maybe not...

So, I guess I ask, will this ever get easier Mom and Dad? The both of you generally came up within 10 minutes of any new conversation. Even if it was just, "I am from Michigan and yes, both mine and my husbands parents live there". I am constantly reminded of how incredibly important you were to my life. I was in conversations tonight about where their children were going to school, or where in Hyde Park did their daughter buy a condo. I instantly pictured Dad at Boomers beaming with pride as he talked about our new house, job or new location or bragging about his grandson, Aydan.

Even if this does get easier, right now I am sorry to admit, I do not see that light at the end of the tunnel. I see me missing and thinking of you in every conversation, business setting, and event. Hopefully one day I will learn, how you still mention your wonderful parents and talk about where you are from, without discussing how they left.

Thank you for your continued guidance.