Elle Patricia

I think you would find it both special and funny on why we named our daughter ELLE . 

Funny first....you and Dad know Reese Witherspoon is my all time favorite actress but naming her Reese was taking it a bit too far. So instead I went with one of my favorite characters that Reese has played, Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. Ted liked the name and we never had many other options or choices then Elle. A few weeks later I was at a book store and opened up a baby name book. I immediately went to Elle and when it said it was short for Eleanor, I knew it was meant to be. 

Eleanor was Grandma's name. She was a very special person who suffered from MS and lived almost 1/2 her life in a wheelchair, all while being a wonderful Mother to three children. She didn't even have movement in her hands for as long as i knew her- I got to feed her desserts when we would visit. She loved desserts. 

And there's really not a story to tell about her middle name. Patricia says it all. You were everything to me and there was no question what her middle name would be. If she could just have the same love for family, friends and fun that you had......I think she'd turn out just fine.

I get really sad to think I won't have the memories with Elle and the both of you. Your parents were so involved with your life and even more when we came along. Your parents would come up north with us, spent all Holidays and Birthdays together and always, always visited Grandpa and Grandma Olszowy on Sunday after church.  I'm going to miss sharing all the that the future holds for our family. I really never imagined life without you, Dad and Justin. 

Elle turned a week and 2  days old today! We got pounded with snow so unfortunately her Doctors appointment was cancelled so we couldn't see if she gained any weight. And I have slept the last two nights! When I say sleep, I mean 2-3 hours in between feedings, but I feel like a million bucks compared to the 1st week. I was so exhausted....I missed my Mom and I was a little bummed Gracie wasn't adjusting that well to Elle. But we are doing much better now and our little family is coming together quite nicely. Little Elle is sitting on my lap right now as I type. Hopefully when she is older, she can one day read these posts. For now, I'll tell her a little bit about my story....

We're on our own...

It sure was nice to come home to a stocked refrigerator, all of our laundry washed, house cleaned, cupboards organized and of course help and company as we started this journey of parenthood....Ted's Mom stayed with us until today after the birth of Elle. As she was leaving, I think we all realized how priceless this week has been. She got to greet us as Ted and I entered the house for the very first time with Elle, she got to help bathe her for the very first time, she even stayed up with me each and every night with Elle and even allowed me to get a few hours of sleep while she stayed awake with her. She went to Elle's first doctors appointment and first trip to Target (they stayed in the car and napped while Ted and I shopped). 

Mom Close was crying as the end of her stay (for now) came to a close. Trust me, we were all really, really sad to see her go but then I also think of how lucky she is and how sad I am that my Mom and Dad don't get to share these priceless moments with Elle. It breaks my heart because both my Mom and Ted's Mom would have been amazing together here this week. They're both so helpful, laid back and funny. She is lucky, we are lucky, Elle is lucky--I am certain she will have an amazing bond with her Grandma Close and I only can hope, spiritually with Grandma Olszowy. 

Christina arrived on Friday. You should have seen her eyes as she first walked in and saw Elle for the first time. Aunt Christina fell in love instantly and they are sure to have a very special relationship for the rest of their lives. 

We're learning each and every day..every minute, actually. Sleep is a foreign word but this entire process is a pretty amazing experience. It's not easy though and I so appreciate my Mother and other Mother's even more now. 

I love you Mom and Dad and wish you were here. Elle is really something. 

Blessed from above

You should see her Mom and Dad......she's beautiful! She has the polish nose! 

Elle Patricia Close entered the world on January 19th (she shares her birthday with her Uncle Tommy) at 11:12 am. Elle was quite the petite princess weighing 6 lbs 4 ounces and 19 & 3/4 inches long. She currently has brown hair and blue eyes! Just like Mom. 

It was pretty amazing and I had a really quick labor. I was at home feeling contractions for only an hour and before I knew it, we were at the hospital being admitted...the pain was very high but the rest of the labor was actually very enjoyable with the help of an epidural. Sorry Mom, was not as strong as you. But I was incredibly alert and had feeling in my legs and had no side effects afterward. 

Elle is healthy, just trying to grow and get the hang of this eating thing. She's adjusting well to the world but Ted and I are pretty tired. We are so lucky to have Ted's Mom down here, I know you wanted to be here too......she has been so helpful. She lets me take naps in between feedings and watches Elle, she cooks dinner and helps with the cleaning. She has helped me give Elle her first bath today and enjoys changing her into new outfits. 

We all asked for your guidance, love and support as I was preparing for labor. I truly believe you and Dad gave me this wonderful gift of life and a very good pregnancy.....

I asked for a sign that you guys would be there through this but wasn't certain I would get one. 

Ted and I got admitted into the labor and delivery room and after a few hours, I met the nurse that would be my side through the entire labor. And that Nurse's name......was Patricia. 

That was my sign....and that was I all needed as hard as it still was not sharing this directly with you. 

Ted and I are so lucky and we love our little Elle and cannot wait for all of our wonderful family and friends to meet her. 

Another weekend to ourselves

So we thought last weekend was it. One last final weekend of fun dinners with friends, sleeping in late, having the house on 65 degrees, and relaxation. But, it's still just Ted, Gracie and I. 

We thought for certain she was coming yesterday possibly today... but we were wrong. 

We ended up making reservations for a nice dinner in Hyde Park Square at RED tonight. Normally, we would walk but with it being only a few degrees, we drove and parked valet (which normally, I'll save the $10...).  I love our neighborhood and the fact that with a 5 minute walk you can be at a casual bar, a really nice restaurant, shopping or an awesome local ice cream shop.  I don't think any place will ever live up to my Dad's favorite town we lived in which was Plymouth, MA. We lived a few blocks from the Ocean, this was my Dad's vacation town. Cabby Shack was his place.  But he ended up really liking this new area, just wouldn't admit he was in Ohio (Buckeye territory). Dad found his way no matter where he was. 

I had an awesome meal this evening (Filet....ended with a flour-less chocolate cake...) and Ted and I were talking as he grabbed a drink at the bar and I a club soda, how tonight would NOT be a good night for labor, considering what I just ate. Sorry, had to throw that in there. My Dad's saying right now. yuck yuck,...plugging his ears. Mom's laughing. 

These last few days have been pretty good. We're so occupied with the anticipation and arrival of the little one. It's when you stop yourself and think and look at pictures and reminisce about THEM!  They were everything to us, so special. so young, such great people. "my parents!!" What I would give to call my Mom and Dad right now... 

They would be here already. They were retired. I'd just say, "please come down". M Dad would bitch about the gas prices, then be down before I was home from work.  They were easy. 

Ted and I were talking at dinner how we're not really nervous...we're just going to "go with the flow". We both said after last year, you feel like you can make it through anything.  I wish so much we never had to experience the tragedy that we did and that my Parents were still here and that my Brother was not placed in some forensics center, but the one positive, in addition to the pregnancy, was testing my inner strength. No one knows what type of person they truly are until you face something that changes your entire life.  It honestly takes everything you have to keep going and only the strong survive. I am blessed to be one of these people. Although, I'm still figuring it out. Trust me, I am not to the point where I can 100% say and believe that, "I am so strong, I can handle anything"......you just sometimes feel that way given what you've been through. 

I pray for strength  for my Sister, Aydan and Justin too.  For Aydan only being 5, he remembers everything and still prays to them each and every night. He questions everything now about Heaven and God and I know he misses them just as we all do. I am so sorry he had to lose them too. 

checklist

1. Car seat inspected by the fire department- check
2. Baby bag packed with clothes, diapers and everything else she could possibly need- check
3. My fancy car seat has arrived that I have been patiently waiting for- check
4. My house is clean- check
5. The carpet and Gracie's chair has been steam cleaned- check
6. My hospital bag is packed and ready to go-check
7. Ted's hospital bag is packed and also...ready to go- check
8. Ted's parents and my Sister have the hospital address in their garmin- check
9. Notes are prepared for any guests that stay at our house while I'm in the hospital (Gracie's eating schedule, house rules (ha!), local food options and the address to the Grocery store (since Dad won't be here to go...) -check
10. Guest bedroom ready, towels washed, extra blankets up-stairs (Christina-bring your space heater as the 3rd level is cold and I know how you are!)-check
11. Nursery and bassinet are ready-check
12. Camera by the door, battery charged-check

So little EPC..........we're ready. So we think we're ready..... Do you understand how excited we all are to meet you? I am wondering what you will look like and who you will resemble. I had dreams you look like my Mom, brown hair and blue eyes-that would be so nice. But I'll take anything, as long as you're healthy and happy. I'm sad my Mom won't be there, she was the greatest E. She was young, and so pretty and silly....my Dad would have walked in with a pair of tap shoes, or better yet a pair of track cleats, he loved attending my track meets for 8 years during middle and high school. Don't worry, there will be sooo many wonderful people there to greet you into the World and throughout the 1st year of your life, you will get to meet all our wonderful friends and family that mean the world to us and are going to love you as they have loved and supported us throughout our marriage. Beware, my Sister Christina-your Aunt, is bound to spoil you rotten and she shouldn't as she needs to save her money, and she will be obsessed with you. Just wait. That is her nature. I guess she gets a little of this from me as I adore my Aydan, your cousin.
Enjoy your last few days or perhaps longer being all warm, safe and cuddly........but we all promise to keep you that way when you enter the World!
All of our love from above and here on Earth, you have been our faith for the past 9 months and my hope for a happy and loving future.

Your "Mommy" to be

"The bunny dance"

I guess you knew I would some day need a laugh Mom....

About 5 years ago, if not longer, my Mom created "the bunny dance". It all started in the kitchen up at the Lake in Harrison, MI. My friends Ali, Melissa, Nick and husband Ted were all there over 4th of July. We kept begging her to do it again.  She continued for many years and even when dressed quite classy like in the above picture, I could get her to do it.  In this picture, my Aunt Kim and I kept begging....she would do it and we would just die laughing....

"Pleaseeeee one more time!" we would yell.  

I said during the eulogy at their funeral that my Father was the funniest Man I've ever known. He was a pro at one liners. However, when I think of my Mom and the laughs we had and how goofy she was, I would say Mom was one of the funniest ladies I will ever know. And she was  always, always having a fun time even though her life was busy and stressful at times with Justin, Aydan, Grandpa and life in general.  I so miss that. Many people as they age, grow up and get stuck in their ways.......that wouldn't have happened to them. They were about as go with the flow type of people as you'd ever imagine.  I hope I can be that way throughout the rest of my life.  People want to surround themselves with people like that and I guess that's why they were loved by so many...

Thanks for always putting a smile on my face and for leaving me this little note and picture in a scrapbook one day...for me to find......

Love you, 

Your daughter 

You'll be there...

As I get closer and closer to labor time, I cannot help but think how sad it will be to experience the birth of our first child without you there. The thought had never crossed my mind since starting to think about children after Ted and I got married. Of course you would both be there. Of course you'd drive to wherever we happened to be living at the time for the birth of your second grandchild. Of course both of you would stay for a week or so and come back often and frequently to spend time with us and the baby. Of course you would make it to all of her birthdays and probably her wedding one day.

I'm most sad to not have you to call on the way to the hospital to announce to you and Dad that my water has broke. I'm most sad I won't get to see your smiling faces as you enter the hospital room to meet our new daughter...seeing the expression on your face when you meet your first granddaughter. It's devastating.

It's not the help you would have provided that I will miss, it's simply you being here to be a part of all of this.



But I pray, that you'll be there guiding me through the struggles and pain of labor and will get a glimpse of the little princess as she enters the world. I'm just so sad for you both to not be able to hold her. It's really not fair.



One of my most favorite pictures is this photo of Dad -most of you have seen. Dad came to the hospital to meet his first grandchild, baseball and glove in hand. I thank God you and Dad got to experience this with Christina.



I've felt lonely at times throughout this pregnancy even though I have a wonderful/experienced Sister, Mother-in-law and the best supportive girlfriends and a great Husband, but I guess I always imagined having my Mom while I was pregnant and running everything by her. But to be honest, I haven't had anything wrong during this pregnancy and I am so thankful for that or Mom would have been missed even more-if that is even possible. In fact, I would do this over and over if labor wasn't a part of the process oh and College wasn't getting so terribly expensive.

I am confident it has been the two of you watching over me and helping me to have a flawless pregnancy.

I am not sure when it will be time for her to come but I have a feeling it will be within a week.

You will be missed every step of the way and I'm so sorry you have to miss this....but you'll be there...right?


I was doing okay today until the News Herald reporter emailed me the article that will be published Sunday on my Brother. It was heart wrenching. I deleted before I saw anymore. I saw sentences like, shot in the head once from the window and died instantly. Then I saw words about my Mother, alive, lying in a pool of blood. I couldn't read anymore. I immediately hit delete, delete, delete. How dare she send that to me. I don't know all of the details. Yes, my Mother was alive but she wasn't conscious, I hope to God. And I also saw that she was sitting next to my Dad, I thought she was sitting on the stairs with Brandy. I'm angry now. My quote also looks as if I'm "satisfied" with the outcome of my brother's sentence. How can we be satisfied? I feel blessed that the Judge agreed what we already knew in our hearts, that this was not Justin but satisfied? That is not the word I would use. I am scared for the future, we are still devastated, we are worried about him and what will happen if they do believe they can cure his medical condition which is unlikely.

If anyone reads the Downriver News Herald this Sunday, please understand some of this information may be false. I would recommend not reading it as it almost made me go into labor.........it just takes you back to the sadness and pain and nightmare my wonderful parents suffered that day. I''m so sorry Mommy.....