Although my official due date is not until the 8th, I am incredibly antsy and impatient thinking he would already be here. I have been dilated for weeks and have felt very pregnant these last two weeks AND was a week early with Elle. I guess going "late" never even occurred to me so I always prepared as if he was coming early. Already got my manicure and pedicure (I need a new one at this point!), had my haircut last week and had my house and windows cleaned twice and now it totally needs to be cleaned again even with me cleaning constantly. I wish I could sit still....I clean and pick up constantly and Elle isn't even a child that gets into everything and she eats/snacks in her highchair most of the time so she keeps the house relatively clean most days....Gracie, the other hand, is the messy one. Her hair is everywhere and it drives me crazy. I vacuum it up daily. But, we love this dog. She is part of this Family as much as anyone of us....
I'm just getting a tad nervous about help. Ted and I are used to being on our own and have sort of accepted since my Parents death that we do only have one set of Grandparents and they won't/can't always be there for us but it makes the painful loss of my parents even worse as I know how excited they would be to help me out during a new child entering the world. I have faith that Ted's Mom will stay as long as she can but I know in my heart it won't be the same as having both her and my Mom here....they would love being together and seeing the baby. It would have been so natural.
Ted has to travel really soon after the baby is born and my Sister in law is due in a few weeks so I'm already planning on doing a lot of this on my own but it makes me sad.....Mom and Dad were retired....they would come down at any point and hang out. Dad would water the lawn, go grocery shopping and cook dinner and Mom would hold the baby and goof around with Elle. They would be in no rush to leave unless they also had to help Chris with Aydan but I could have them for as long as I needed.....and really, I would just want the company....I don't really need the help per say but it's always nice. I miss my Parents and these events make it all worse.....this time feels more sad if that's possible. I know how proud and excited and shocked MOM would be that I was on my second child. Miss business............boy have things changed.............
Elle is ready we think...she talks about baby brother a lot...she went from telling us she would hit him to wanting to buy him presents and share her toys. We will see...I am expecting an adjustment period in our household for the first month. I can't wait to meet this little guy.....to see that he is healthy...to hear him breathing to seeing what he looks like and how much he weighs.....and to tell him how much he is loved by our Family and how many angels he has up in heaven watching over him every single day. His room looks great.....simple and preppy...still awaiting the roman shades we had made with cool Kiwi green striped fabric- they should be in soon.....
I never felt uncomfortable with Elle during my first pregnancy...this time its much different with lots of aches and pains.....although I have gained less weight, my belly is double the size which causes some sleepless nights....and walking, wow, I feel like a 80 year smoker!
As I type this....Elle sits in her highchair eating a soy ice cream sandwich watching special agent oso quiet as can be....we took her to the market today, several walks, and let her play with the water hose.....we've been around the house this last month and while I am feeling a tad stir crazy, it has been nice quality time with my own family...this is big for me as I typically have to over book ourselves and have plans all of the time to keep my focus from negative/sad things....it's not easy but we continue to move forward yet its always on my mind. my parents. my brother. my aunt. my lake house that is sitting there alone. We have an ant problem. I panicked. Why can't my Uncle go over there? I know, it's hard......but Gramps did it......he hates it too. I hope Christina and Aydan can get up there a lot this Summer and Teddy and I cannot wait to take our kids up there and enjoy it later in July and again in August if everyone is doing well.
Hopefully next time I write I will have amazing news to share about another addition to our Family. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers on welcoming another healthy beautiful child to this world. We really are blessed to have been given this chance at a new life and that all we have been through has never stopped us from living our life. I am so proud no matter how much this is not what I ever imagined.
All of my love and hope for happiness,
Melissa
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