It's one of those days that I would have called my mom several times. work stuff. getting lost to Elle's ear doctor appt. shopping for Ted's father's day gift at the mall w/o a stroller- miss Elle trying on every hat and pair of sunglasses she could get her hands on...and then out to dinner with friends AND, Elle, for the very first time in a public place, had a melt down. She had her buddy sitting next to her in another highchair and she just wasn't feeling the dinner or the sippy cups, straws and spoons they were "sharing". And once we held her, she instantly wanted down. Luckily the couple who we were out to dinner with are good friends, they live just across the street, we had just watched their little guy last night for a few hours....so, we asked for our portion of the check and got the food to go for us. I was annoyed for a few minutes seeing as the second we got her out of the restaurant she was happy as a clam. Ugh, that Sam Summer tasted so yummy and I only got a few sips out of my glass.
Oh well, after reading hippos go berserk 6 times, she fell asleep and now I find myself sitting on our back patio with glass of wine in hand. Relaxing...at last.....I don't relax much- I'm not good at it, unless on vacation. I wish I had that talent to sit back and chill when at home but I can't. There is always a window to be cleaned of fingerprints or dishes to be loaded or laundry to be done or emails to be checked or flowers to be watered. Ted is a great help. He gets Elle packed up and fed in the morning so I can shower, and if he's not traveling he has dinner ready for us when we get home but I find myself thinking a lot of the times that it's never enough. There's always something else to be done or something else to think about. Like father's day...it was fun shopping for Ted and I can't wait to pick out a card for him from Elle but selfishly, I want Father's day to go by quick. I miss my Dad. He should be here right now. They should be getting into town tonight for a long weekend. We'd take them to dinner. He'd open his gifts on Sunday after he cooked us all breakfast. He was such a selfless guy to most. He wasn't perfect by any means but I see the way he was so much clearer now that he is gone. I loved how when he would come here he would take over; he was handy, he cooked, he fixed things, he hung things, he unloaded things and watered things.....I miss my Dad. I am angry he was gone at 51 years old so tragically. The pictures of him kill me when I look at them. His own son. Did this really happen? Are the days like below in this picture gone? Can we really never share a drink, a cigar, with Dad?
Happy Father's day to my Dad in heaven; you were the best and I know how proud of me you were even though I was still such a pain in the ass. And to my husband Ted, thanks for being the Dad I always knew you would be to our daughter. I have no doubt in my mind Elle will grow up to be a daddy's girl and I love that. Thanks for your understanding on Sunday. I know it's your day too and I know you deserve your own day.....but I'm sad. I miss my Dad, and his humor, every single day.
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