weekend in PA

It was hard being away from Miss Elle but a weekend with one of my best friends was sooooo nice. 

I took the day off on Friday and got to PA around lunchtime. We spent the day with her two adorable children and it was so exciting that her little girl who I had not seen since last Summer on our FL vacation, remembered me. We talked a lot over the weekend and how we have hopes of vacationing together with our families...we'd love for our kids to know each other and obviously, we would love to spend time with another. We know as they get older it will be difficult with sports and everything else but I know we will both make the effort to do something each year together. There are very few people that I can really talk to about my life, what I am going through, challenges I am currently facing, and she is one of those people. I needed to talk to a friend. She is such a good listener and is probably one of the most sensitive people I know. And lately I have just been down while dealing with some insensitivity so it was really refreshing and thoughtful. Thanks Nicky....for being such a wonderful friend and person and for having me at your home with your family. Thanks for the hospitality. I WILL be back for that cooking and baking of yours by the way! I miss Abby and Ben already. They are such good kids. Wow.

I was also so very lucky to have the chance to meet little McKenna who was only a little over a week old on Saturday. She was the tiniest thing ever and I seriously cannot believe Elle was that small last year. It was awesome to see Melissa and Nick settling into parenthood, there will be lots of fun ahead for all of us and I look forward to so many memories with them. 

I left after having a great weekend and after delayed for a little over an hour I still felt sad, even though I would be going home to see Elle Bell. I know I have this cloud hanging over me, April is coming, but it just won't go away. What if I can never get past how my Mom and Dad died? I really worry about that. No one can give me advice on that one because they haven't gone through it. I just don't know how to do it. Yes, I get their gone and we have been living on as best as we can but will I ever reach a point where I can focus on the positive and wonderful memories? I think someone will have to knock me out and have me lose my memory from 2008 before that can happen. I look at people I really admire and think at times, how they would be handling this.....maybe the same way as me....not having your parents alive to meet your children is a really sad and a difficult thing. Who knows.. I think I am handling this entire situation like most normal people would-it was tragic. .......poor Elle Bell....she could have came into this life so differently had this not happened. She wouldn't have to deal with her sappy Mom, I'd still be whistling through life. Oh well, my hopes are one day she'll understand and I just pray, pray, pray that I am here for her well past 50 years old. I will always be there for Elle and if she needs me, I am there. No questions asked, no matter how many miles are in between. I will do what my Mother would have done for me. 

I am thankful for my husband for taking care of Elle this weekend and keeping her on a great schedule and making her meals......I really wanted some time with my friends and to meet their new arrivals. Thank you. 

I need a hug, Mom.