Back at home and Elle is sound asleep after a quick weekend in MI.... I almost always say "home" but then correct myself and say MI. It's really no longer home to me...it's sad and strange for me to not have my own place to call home besides of course our home in Cincinnati, but you know what I mean, your home where your Parents and sibling are. To not have Parents or Grandparents to visit with or really much family around at all to visit is hard.....To hear my Sister talk to my brother on the phone as we were driving to Jess' s shower was hard. To witness friends and family with their Mother's is hard. To picture my Sister one day getting married and doing it without Mom and Dad is hard, heartbreaking actually. What will we do? What would any of the people I know have done without their parents for their wedding day or for the birth of their children....I know we are strong and we continue to go on but never how we would have ever imagined. Ted made my day on Saturday by taking Aydan to hockey evaluations so my Sister could attend my Sister-in-law to be's shower. It was a really cute, quaint, shower with yummy food and sweet decorations. As a Close family, we are all looking forward to some Florida Sun and a wedding. It's going to be great and I can't wait to see Miss Elle Bell walking down the aisle and to spend time with our New England Family.
Elle was a doll at the shower other than shaking her head "no" whenever anyone would come up to ask if they could hold her. It was actually quite funny but I did feel bad- the people that actually knew her, other my Sister, didn't get to really hold her. It's a whole new ball game when they reach this age. She continued to glance over at the treat table and after lunch I caved and let her have a vanilla cupcake.....oh yes, she too is a sweet lover like myself and the rest of the Olszowy girls. Hey, I tried. At least she loves spinach.
Ted's parents enjoyed having their granddaughter around and had the chance to give her an Easter basket filled with lots of dresses for FL, books and several new toys including a stroller for her animals and babies and a new lawnmower. Elle was the entertainment at the dinner table....she made us all laugh....
It will never be the same for me heading back to MI....not sure what I can do to make it less heartbreaking....I actually dread going back at times, not sure I will ever reach a point where I jump in the car with glee to head back to MI...it's so different now. Life was never suppose to turn out this way......all the sadness and pain...thank gosh we have such laughter and joy through Elle......I feel sad that it's not enough. It's so unfair to her.....she would have been surrounded by happiness. I hope we can still do that as best as possible. I have fears.
Wow, we're approaching almost two years since I last saw my Mom and Dad. That last Easter 2 years ago....who would have ever imagined when I gave them that last quick hug goodbye...... I Miss you so much.
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