And here we are again......the month of April is tomorrow. The most painful of them all. Their last week alive two years ago, their death, Mom and Justin's birthday and bringing back, as if it were yesterday, all of the details, moments and memories that you still can't believe happened to your own Family.
It was 80 and sunny today and I had the chance to grab lunch outside at a trendy little spot with my manager and a co-worker. I love eating outside when the sun is shining. I couldn't wait to take a quick walk with Elle when I got home after the craziness was over of getting her fed, changed, etc. Thankfully Daddy usually has dinner popping out of the oven when we arrive. Yes, I am lucky. My Dad would be so proud of him. Mom would keep asking when I was going to learn.
I opened our front door and I saw and heard the ice cream truck. He stopped in front of our house as a neighbor waved him down.....and I just stared. I stared for at least 5 minutes thinking of my childhood. I remember so vividly that ice cream truck coming down our street and all of us kids begging our parents for a few dollars so we could pretty please get an ice cream. The truck even came long after I was a child, even Aydan got to sucker Mom and Dad into several. As I listened to the music and stared at the truck I was just in awe what has happened to my Family and how different and quickly life changed from the days of running around the neighborhood with an ice cream. Here I am, 30 years old, great job, house, husband and now an expanded family but my Parents were dead- and Justin, who I know in my heart of hearts would have never done this if it weren't for the illness and weaning off medications, did this. My own brother. My own Parents. To others, this is just another year gone by....sure they are missed so deeply by their hundreds of friends and family but that every day pain is strongly felt by only a few. People have to go on. What else can we all do? But it doesn't make any of this any easier. Sometimes I get sad thinking people have forgotten what has happended and we have to fight this on our own. Sometimes, people just don't know what to say. They can't relate and they're living their own lives. And I really do understand....now of course I say I would know what to say to someone and how to help and how to comfort them. But I am only saying this because I went through something tragic. Two years ago, I wouldn't know the first thing to do.
I am thankful for this weekend we are approaching though....Easter has become very sentimental as it was the last Holiday spent together as a Family- we were all together at Ted's parents house. My Mom made her Easter basket cupcakes. Dad bought pirogis. And I spent an early Easter lunch with Mom, Dad and Grandpa. The last time I would witness us all being together.
This year my aunt and uncle, sister, nephew and Matt are headed to Cincinnati for Easter again and we're thrilled to have visitors. We've always been so lucky no matter where we have lived to get visitors; friends or family. We love to entertain and I am so excited we have the opportunity to all be together. It will be a fun yet heartbreaking weekend as we near the anniversary of their death. I have daily moments of real sadness but April is just multiplied with devastation. Ugh........I just want to have a happy life and have my family back. I am still so thankful for the Family that will be on their way to see us Friday and the memories will make with Elle.....looking forward to Aydan helping Elle find Aunt Missy's eggs with money in them and eating and hanging out. It's suppose to be an incredibly warm, sunny weekend.........
We'll be thinking of my Parents who left us too soon and we wish more then anything they could be with us here today. We miss you too Grandpa.
Happy Easter. I'll never forget it.
No comments:
Post a Comment