oh no the big 3-0

"Oh no the big 3-0" my Mother's cake read as she turned 30. I remember her 30th birthday distinctly. How funny, as Elle will certainly not remember mine! She's only 6 months old!

My Mom had on red and white stripped shorts and a red short sleeved top. Her party was thrown at our neighbors house and I remember her holding up the big cake decorated Red, with those very words on there. Birthdays were always a big deal growing up and what's cool is we always celebrated big for the milestone birthdays of my parents. I will be forever happy my Mother's last birthday spent was big and that we threw my Dad the surprise of his life with his 50th birthday party.

I have mixed emotions about approaching my 30th birthday next week. I am exactly where I thought I would be at this age in most aspects of my life- married, a beautiful daughter, a really nice home in an area we love, a great career that has awesome opportunities waiting ahead but at the same time, I thought at 30 I'd still have a family. I'd share this milestone with my Parents. It would be a big deal.

I look back at my 30 years of living thus far.... I have stayed right on track when I look at the path I have taken. I have experienced so much. I had a great/normal childhood with basic family ups and downs, I was very close with my Parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and loved having them all local as I grew up, I went away to College, formed wonderful lifelong friendships, met my husband at a Fraternity party, he asked my Dad for permission to marry me at our College graduation, I had a beautiful wedding with all of the details that I had imagined--I danced the night away, danced with my Dad to his favorite song, welcomed my nephew to the World, lived Downtown Chicago with one of my best friends, moved to Boston right after our wedding and started our new life together, purchased our first home without any help, experienced life on the East Coast, took a wonderful family cruise with my parents and other Family members, went on some beautifully extravagant vacations-Maui, Caneel Bay, Pebble Beach-CA, Cabo San Lucas--I've ate the most wonderful foods, stayed at some of the nicest resorts and walked the sands of some beautiful beaches-I am very fortunate for the places I have been thus far. And the best is yet to come.......then our careers brought us to Cincinnati, Oh which I have to say was one of the best decisions we ever made. It brought us closer to our family which at the time I didn't realize how important that would one day be. I thankfully spent the last 2 years my parents were alive close by them.

So looking back,everything else in my life but the death of my parents has gone right on track. I have stayed the course and I am proud of my accomplishments.

But through every single wonderful childhood memory I have and the amazing adventures I have been on as an adult- I think back to the worst day of my life in my 30 years. The day I walked in to find my two parents lying in a casket. But what pulls me up slightly and perhaps makes the weight I carry on my shoulders a little less heavy was hearing the three most beautiful words I have ever heard, "It's a girl". That was music to my ears and truly a blessing from my Angels above. I got my girl.

While the void will never be replaced, the pain and sadness will never go away, I am confident that my next 30 years will be joyful because of that little girl. I'm not saying it won't be difficult and that I won't continue to have bad days where the sadness sometimes just overcomes everything..but I am proud of where I am at in my life. I have succeeded in many ways and I think for once I can confidently say that. My Dad's little track star grew up and has become much bigger then just the fastest girl on the team. He was so proud of me back then. I only hope I can continue to honor their lives through how I live my life. So like I said, I have mixed emotions about entering my 30's.....I miss my family and any milestone I reach will be difficult to not have my Mom and Dad to share in the celebration. At almost 30 years of age I have almost everything I had ever hoped for or imagined of except for experiencing a tragedy that would test my strength so deep and change my perspective on life, forever. That was not in my life plan.

In my next 30 years I simply want to continue just being a better person. Doing everything I am doing now but better. Be a better Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend, and be the Daughter my parents raised; loving, strong and sometimes even funny.

Thank you for paving the way, thank you for all that I was given and taught and thank you for bringing me into this scary, wonderful, sometimes sad, amazing World almost 30 years ago. Your oldest daughter is officially getting "old".

All my love,

Melissa