Gray hair

Now I understand what my Dad meant when he would say that us kids were responsible for his gray hair and empty wallet.

With Elle's ER visit and follow up appointments, and with our high maintenance English Bulldog, I need a separate "medical" budget in addition to 401k, savings, etc, etc. And I will eventually be getting my hair highlighted to cover the gray I am certain to have one day.

This week we have been so focused on getting Elle better so we can take her to my parents lake in Northern Michigan to be with Family, that we just realized Gracie was acting strange. Our nerves are pretty much shot at this point as we thought she was going to have another one of her "episodes" last night. She slept in the guest bedroom with Gramma but we were awoken by them as Grace was up and not sleeping. We generally will rush her to the ER Vet in past situations, but with spending so much money on her lately and with the baby, we tried to hold out until the morning so she could see her regular Vet. She made it through and was taken in this morning. Her tail, because it's this strange corkscrew tail, is infected again and needed to be put on antibiotics and steroids and eventually it will most likely be amputated. I am telling you, if you know anyone wanting to get an English Bulldog tell them no. I say that because not many people are willing to spend the time and money these Dogs truly need to maintain their health and well being. I feel sad for those Dogs, we love this breed. We even talked our best pals into getting one and they too have spent a great deal of money on their Bully. We love Grace and we'd honestly spend any amount of money on her to keep her alive and well but with having a daughter now, it's frustrating to keep dropping the dollars on these consistent incidents.... Oh well, apparently that's why Ted and I both work...........

While children and dogs are life's most precious gifts and I feel very blessed to have both of them, I agree with my Dad, they give you gray hair and leave you with an empty wallet. But all of it's worth it. If I die a broke and gray haired woman, I will feel good that we had a fun, fulfilled life and did everything we could to keep our family happy and healthy. It's hard for me to write a "fulfilled" life at this point... as I feel right now it would be very difficult for me to be completely fulfilled with living with this tremendous void and having my brother in a facility. This will forever be a part of my life and I continue to work at it each and every day on how to still "live" with the pain but continue to have joy in all other aspects of my life. Of course I deserve it. My family and friends deserve it. Even my Dog deserves it. They need me to have joy. And I know my parents would want that for me. But it's hard, I just want them here and there's nothing I can do to change that.

I do have to laugh as I look at the picture that sits on my desk of my Dad and I. He had a beautiful full head of "gray" hair. And I distinctly remember when my Mom would tease him about having all that gray, he would say, "it's not gray, it's blonde.....now leave me alone".