On Mom and Dad's 31st anniversary and the exact 6 months since their death, we received the one and only offer on my childhood home and I accepted it.
I had to accept the offer as I took this as a sign that my parents were telling us that is was okay to let it go. Get rid of this I felt them telling me. It will be surreal when I go back there one last time with my Sister to go through the last of their things. I never really went through their things except at the lake house and I feel like this stuff is much more personal- their handwriting is on many boxes-my Dad's bike that he rode everyday in the Summer-my Mother's beloved Christmas Holiday decorations- and every other Holiday, Dad's grill tools, pots and pans and childhood toys, memory boxes and so much more....
Every Christmas for the past 28 years was spent in that home and it will be so strange to walk out those doors and say goodbye. To say goodbye to the place where my Father died instantly, where my Mother was shot several times, where my life changed forever......
Leslie, thank you so much for your comment a few days ago. Comments, phone calls, emails, cards and words such as this are what keep me going. They lift up my spirits and remind me that I am now on this journey to honor my parents- everything I do is for them and while I still cannot believe their gone, you're right- they would be proud of me. Even the days when I sob my eyes out as I look at a picture or crave their food or miss their voices and presence, they are still proud of me.
I look forward to having a similar relationship with my Daughter that my Mother and I had, sure there were arguments over clothes, boys, curfews, money and school but the love, support, care and friendship I received from her is so unexplainable. I find it hard sometimes to describe the person she was because "a good person" does not do her justice. An amazing, priceless Mother that could never be replaced is a much better description. Same with Dad, he showed his loved by being involved in my life. His visits meant the world to me and the comfort he felt in our home and the relationship he grew with Ted-made him the best Dad in the world. I never had to prove anything to Mom and Dad, they just loved me and were always there no matter what.
That is what I will miss as we bring the new little one into the world. They would have been there anytime, any day, any year because Family all through life- has always been the number one priority. Christina and I are on a mission and that is to show our children that we can still have a wonderful family life, it may be smaller and it may never be the same, but we will somehow find a way to raise them happily with so much love and support, and frankly that is all one needs....
Thinking of you constantly and still not at peace Mom that you did not feel any pain, it's still haunting me and I hope one day I can wake up and say, it was so fast, you were in shock and felt no pain. Because until then, I am not anywhere near being at peace. But what gets me there closer and closer each day is believing you and Dad are together and that one day, I will see you again.
Melissa
No comments:
Post a Comment