It's finally here!

It's really hard to believe that the baby shower weekend has arrived. It seems like yesterday when I was in Chicago telling my friends the news and now I await the arrivals of some very special people to get here for the weekend. Tomorrow night my Mom's side of the family and my Sister, Aydan and I will gather at the hotel to be together. My Mom's Sister Aunt Lisa and cousin Tracy are coming in from Texas and Grandpa and Eve are driving from up-north. Aunt Kim and the kids will be there too. I am really looking forward to all being together and I know my Family is looking forward to a fun weekend without any sadness, just good memories. But I know in my heart that there will be a tremendous void this weekend and that is Mom and Dad won't be there. I've been preparing myself for weeks for this event and how I'll handle myself as I greet all of our family and friends Saturday morning-where only 6 short months ago I was greeting them with tears as they walked in the funeral home.

What a story I think to myself. Mom and Dad; young, healthy and beautiful.......killed. My brother who did it certainly did not want to do it and now there's me...a devastated daughter goes away to St. John a month after they died and comes back pregnant. What a blessing in disguise. I am not sure how these past 6 months would have went had I not been pregnant. It has allowed me to re-focus some of my sadness into something so exciting. Now I am having a girl, have had a perfect pregnancy so far (thank you Mom) and am sitting here awaiting to be surrounded by all of the people I enjoy most. But it won't be easy- I know this. My Mother was the life of the party and even tomorrow as I gather with her family..we'll laugh and have a great time but her voice, laughter and pure happiness will be so terribly missed. Same with Dad, no one can or ever will replace his humor.

Like I have for the past several months, I will somehow pull through this weekend with such strength that I'll even shock myself. I will smile, laugh and enjoy all of the people around me and feel really lucky that they are all here to celebrate the upcoming life of a little girl that is going to be so special to so many. She will truly be a gift from Mom and Dad.....

Mom, I never in a million years thought I would be attending my baby shower without you there. It's surreal and it saddens me more then anyone will ever know or understand. The relationship you and I had was priceless, irreplaceable and one that I only hope will carry on to my relationship with my own daughter. I will think of you and Dad all weekend but I know you are proud of me that I am gathering everyone together. Just what you and Dad did best.

All my love,
Melissa