a long flight

I used my Dad's luggage for my trip to LA and it's incredible because I can still smell the strong scent of his cologne when I open it up. I know it won't last forever but I'll enjoy it while I still can. Unfortunately my conditioner exploded in the carry on so any scent of cologne in that bag is gone.

The flight was really long today, 4 1/2 hours....the book I brought was not interesting so I couldn't get past the 1st chapter which rarely happens to me, I did a little work and read one trash magazine. There was a really nice lady sitting next to me who was asking me about my pregnancy and was recommending I got up and walk around a little bit. I love free advice...only kidding, when it comes to the pregnancy I will take it all. I am too laid back I think and I just kind of go with the flow on this pregnancy thing-to me there really isn't anything to it YET......I am crossing my fingers the next three months are as great as the past months have been.

Then of course parents always come up. Whether it's....do your parents live close by to help or is this the first grandchild in your family? What do I say? Of course talking to a stranger I am not going to get into my life story but I also don't like lying either and I get sad because I miss talking about my parents. I want to say, yes my Mom lives 4 hours away and she will be there whenever I need her or no, our daughter will be the second grandchild on my side but the 1st girl!! The women next to me had to be in her early 40's and had two daughters-ages 13 & 15. She referenced her Mom in a sentence and all I could think of was-lucky her...she still has her Mom well into her 40's and she is watching her girls grow. I am so envious of this it's not even funny.

I know all of these feelings I am having are normal but that doesn't make them any easier. However, who defines what normalcy is when someone goes through such a tragic event? Honestly, if I stayed in my house for the past 6 months-maybe to some that would be normal given the severity of everything. But I would have never let that happen because that would have disappointed my parents tremendously. I need to continue to be the person they created me to be.

I love what this speaker said last week, he was referring to a man who lost his daughter when she was only 19 in a terrible car accident. He said he loves to be with friends or around people who have suffered great tragedies. I at first thought this was an odd statement to make.But then he said the reason why is that they are so appreciative and don't put up with bull shit or sweat the small stuff. I can't say I am there totally as I still cried yesterday when Gracie ate my brand new Anthropologie sweater and new Banana Republic dress! (no, she is not still a puppy!)And I still huffed and puffed when I realized my conditioner exploded in my Dad's carry on bag but I guess I would say I am not a huge complainer, maybe to really close family and friends... but I try to keep "I had a really stressful or bad day" comments to myself as I know from experience, someone else is having a much worse off day then you. When I think of what my parents went through that day, their own Son who they loved dearly, I cannot think of anything worse- therefore, thinking of that day makes me never want to complain again and to be thankful for everything that I still have even after everything that I have lost.....