Surprise!

"It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years!" (Abe Lincoln)

I found this quote at your favorite market in Hyde Park, Fresh Market on a magnet. It's amazing when you find the right words to make you feel better. I keep thinking over and over how unfair it is that you only had 50 and 51 years on Earth and that I only had you for 28 of them.

Your years really counted though. One of my most favorite memories was surprising Dad on his 50th birthday and Mom's 50th birthday, which was the last birthday celebration we would have since Mom passed a few weeks before turning 51.

Watching you enter the room to be sung Happy Birthday by all of your family and friends was truly priceless. The happiness on your faces will never be forgotten.

I am so thankful, we had these parties and can now cherish the memories and the surprises!

Missing you always.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! LIVE THE LIFE you've imagined. " (thoreau)

Keep giving me that gift.

Mom and Dad,

Like you have known for many years, I was given the gift of friendship from the both of you (as I have mentioned in previous posts). My friends mean the world to me and I feel as if I have always let them know that. Perhaps not verbally, but through my actions. Whether it be calling them often, sending them emails, a simple card, planning a vacation....or just being there when they needed me the most. Hey, I even drove my friend to Arizona once, although the car we were driving was automatic which I had never driven. (Ali- I will never forget that trip).





Through this tragedy, you realize who is really in for the long hall. These individuals know I may struggle for a long time. They don't have expectations of me. They just love me for who I am and understand the importance of honoring the both of you.


I only hope I will one day be able to return the kindness, love and friendship they have given me.





I could name the hundreds of people who have reached out and are helping me through this difficult time, but these individuals don't expect that. They are here because they want to be.





I do have to mention one particular lovely lady. Dad, you met her about 2 months before you passed away. It was the night you were goofing around with Teddy and collecting trinkets. She was there.





Julie is an earth angel, if that does exist. She was always a friend through work but has became a friend I cannot live without. She over analyzes situations and gives the best advice. She really knows what's important in life.





She is here with me always, even if she is not always near by....






You would be so proud, impressed and happy about the people I have in my life. They won't let me fail. They won't let me fail.......keep reinforcing that.

We did it Mom and Dad, we did it.

We ate S'mores. Worked on the boat. Power washed the deck. Shed some tears. Cut trees down. Hosted a bon-fire. Played 31. Looked at pictures-shed some more tears. Read Mom's yearbook where Dad wrote some beautiful words their senior year and then of course, tried to have a good time. I have to admit, it was incredibly quiet at the house even with so many friends and family around. Whenever Dad was around, you'd hear his laughter outside with his buddies or as he came through the house to mix a cocktail or would be yelling, "get out of my kitchen". Mom was always hanging with the girls and your presence was missed severely.

After walking in for a few minutes, I sat and cried on Dad's chair. A chair that was the spot for his naps, a place to watch his few TV channels, and where he did his last crossword puzzle at this house, which was left on the side table. Mom had left a book she was reading, "chicken soup for the soul" which I believe I purchased for her years ago. Oddly enough, her book mark was the words to the "Amazing Grace" hymn played at the funeral and it was left on the chapter discussing loss and the first few lines discussed who would you call and what would you say to them if you knew you only had a few days to live. It was very strange to find that book and where the bookmark was placed. And all of those pictures of us on that fridge....you really loved your family so much.

It wasn't easy and I am not sure it ever will be, but what I am trying to tell myself is that this is a place we can bring our family and friends together. Everyone, including your brother and Sister-in-Law and Grandpa and Eve seemed so thrilled we are keeping the place. You have a community of friends and family in Harrison and I think they will enjoy watching your daughters live on and still welcome them into a home that you once lived in.

Mom and Dad, you would have been real proud of the boys this weekend, they worked really hard as seen in these pictures. I goofed around as usual, couldn't focus on any one project. I would start bagging up your clothes and then stop in the middle and go clean a toilet. The other Melissa would yell, "are you ever coming back, where is that garbage back you said you you were bringing?!"

Hey, I tried...

You were missed more than you will ever know by everyone who was up there. I still have mixed emotions on how I feel about enjoying this place but I am so certain this is what you would have wanted.

With love,

All of your friends and family that have shared memories with you in Harrison, MI.

Heading to the Lake...

Although Harrison, MI remains one of my most favorite places in the world, I am absolutely terrified to arrive tomorrow night without you there to greet us. You loved when everyone would get up to the Lake. I am sad to say Ted and I did not go up there as much as we would have liked with living out of State over the past few years. However, I am so happy Christina and I made it up there last Labor Day and had a blast, which would be the last time we were up there with you both. We woke up to coffee and cinnamon French Toast and played many rounds of 31 in the evening. We took boat rides and enjoyed a fun family dinner, cooked by Dad. And of course, we made S'mores as seen in the below photo.

Nick and Mel are on their way home tonight to join us up-north. Christina and Matt will also be there to help. Don't worry Dad, we'll get the place Summer ready...we'll get the boat in the Water, power wash the deck, mow the lawn, make certain your rock garden is perfect and even get the wood ready for the bon-fire and yes, we'll hang out with your Big-Bro, Uncle Stan. I look back and I don't know how you guys did it all. We always had snacks or food to enjoy, the meat would be marinating, and all of sudden a fire would be built and the house would always be clean. You multi tasked to make sure your friends and family were comfortable and having a good time. Thank you for that. You truly had the gift of entertaining.

I do not know what to expect tomorrow when we arrive. You were at the house in March so we will see exactly how you left it. It will be so hard. We will miss your laughter so terribly.

Aunt Kim and Grandpa Greiner and other family will be there. We are going to have a dinner on Saturday. The Harrison Eagles is also having a Memorial this weekend in your Memory and for other lost members this year.

Please still grace us with your presence at the Lake house and fill our hearts with good memories as we take this next step.....to Harrison, MI.

The toast

The day before Ted and I left for our vacation, Mom and Dad Close took us to dinner to celebrate. A celebration of many things; the burial of Mom's ashes to rest at Dad's grave site, our 5 year anniversary, Matt's 30th birthday, and of course...Mother's day. This day was very emotional, but we felt blessed to have each other. Christina and I are hurting tremendously for the loss of you both and we feel deep sadness for Justin as he himself copes with this unthinkable tragedy.

Toasts such as this help us get through the day.

Upon arrival at the restaurant, there was a bottle of champagne on the table and these very words printed on each of our place settings.

Nick and I wanted to start your special evening and weekend off with a toast:

To Matt, Happy 30th Birthday! We wish we could be there to celebrate with you!

To our friends, Teddy & Melissa, Happy 5th Anniversary! We can't believe it has been 5 years already. You have many more anniversaries to celebrate as you have had great guidance from both of your parents! Have a great time on your trip and we wish we could be there!

To Cindy, Happy Mother's Day! You are an amazing Mom! We are happy and so thankful that we have you as one of our Mom's. You've guided us all on how to raise such a beautiful family with all the love and support a family needs! We love you!

To Christina, Happy Mother's Day! You are following in your Mother's footsteps; you are an amazing Mom and have raised such a beautiful child at such a young age!

To Pat, Happy Mother's Day! You've raised two beautiful and strong daughters both inside and out; Melissa, my best friend and Christina my little sister I never had! We miss you!

Melissa & Christina, I know this is not easy with Mother's Day being this weekend. We are here for the two of you and will spend every minute and every day that we can with you.

To Steve and Cindy, thank you for gathering everyone for such a special night!

Please raise your glasses for the beginning of a wonderful celebration!

Cheers!

With Love,

Melissa & Nick

moments such as this

Anyone who really knows me know how much I love photos. I never leave anywhere without my camera. I get this from no one else but you, Mom. You are probably one of the few that actually still printed pictures after taking them! With digital cameras, many leave them on their computers or memory card.

Another gift you have left me that went unnoticed until now, the love for capturing special moments so we're able to look back and smile, cry and nevertheless, remember.....

Moments such as this are what cameras were made for. These make me cry and smile at the same time. I love you so much Dad and the smile on your face shows how proud of Christina and I you were. Mom is in the backroom, saying "wait for me".

Gamma and her Aydan....what life is all about.

The last family photo

While I have a ton of photos of you and Dad up until a few weeks before you passed away, Christmas Eve Day was the last photo we have as an entire family, with Justin included.

Christmas Day was always our day of celebration for what truly mattered in life (but I will admit for being excited for the presents too) and for exchanging gifts with the immediate family. However, since Christina began working at the Hospital and with Matt being a firefighter, our dates had to remain flexible. We decided to switch up the opening of presents tradition and moved it to Christina and Matt's house on Christmas Eve day.

Christina and Matt cooked a yummy brunch for us all, Ted and I brought Mimosas and Mom brought over warm cinnamon rolls. We laughed as Aydan tore through tons of presents from us all. We exchanged presents with Justin and he seemed happy and even gathered close with the family for this photo. This photo will be forever significant- the last family photo taken. Ted took this photo, that is why he is missing.

Everyone looks so happy and content. Dad, we gave you such a fun surprise! A 50 inch Flat TV! Mom Close and I found this TV at Circuit City and called Mom for her credit card # so we could get it for Dad. You were so thrilled! Mom Close and I had a grand old time loading two of these huge TV's in her vehicle (we got one for Dad Close too). You couldn't leave Christina's house fast enough to get it set up at home. Justin actually went with Mom to Ikea to buy the TV stand. He helped her get it into the car and home.

No one would ever expect this would be our last Christmas together as a family. Christmas was everything to us, even Justin. We always gathered as a family; exchanged presents, had yummy food and just enjoyed one another.

From the article, some may get the impression Justin was rather detached from the family. This is completely false Mom and Dad and we all know that. Although he didn't say much, he was always around. He spent a few days a week with Aydan since you baby-sat often, he was extremely close with you and he tagged along with you and Dad often when you went up-north on weekends. You were everything to him and did absolutely everything for him. I know he realizes this and feels tremendous shock for what he has done. You inspire me for the unconditional love you gave to him and all of the effort you put forth to care for him. I know it was hard and I am sorry I was not the greatest support system for you. I constantly tried to give you advice on what I thought was best for Justin, but only you and Dad knew what he needed. I am sorry I was not more help. I just wanted him to lead a normal fulfilled life. That's all I ever wished for. It makes me so sad and angry that medications changed who Justin was as a person as he continued taking them and eventually weaned off of them. It sure is a controversial subject, but it's so hard to imagine that minds can play tricks on us when weaned off from something you have taken for so many years. It's no one's fault, but I wish I would have been more educated on the risks.

Christmas will never be the same without our entire family. In fact, our entire life will never be the same. But what I am told is I will learn to adjust to my new life, as they call it. A new life, without the two most important people I knew. Unfortunately, that doesn't sound too enticing. A life without you in it... but I have one choice and that is to live it and one day, we will be together again as a family. It sure is easier said then done. I am not certain many people have ever gone through losing their parents at the same time in this form of tragedy (thankfully, this is rare), but unfortunately there is no no manual for the grieving process. You take one day at a time. Trying every single minute to be strong. People depend on me, and I am important, I deserve a wonderful life, but this life would have been much more wonderful with you in it. And that's the hardest part to accept.

You make me more proud each and every day to have had you as parents. A daughter could not ask for anything more. Just wish I had told that to you, everyday.

Maybe I can help others be more appreciative of what they have and to not sweat the small stuff. "C'mon, was your day or week really that bad?" Lately, I think that when I hear others complain, even though we all do it. You still have your family and love right? That's really all that matters in life. Honestly, everything else......seems so small.

While I know some pretty amazing people, there is one particular person that comes to mind that never sweats the small stuff. That is one of my greatest friends, Nicky Hinderberger. Of the 8 years I have known her, I can only recall her "sweating the small stuff" once and I think it was the time that I wouldn't take the garbage out....after living with her for a full year in Chicago. Sorry Nick, I hope you have forgiven me! :-)

Missing you more than ever Mommy and Dad.