another year older!

Birthdays just aren't the same! I try to always stay positive and I loved receiving all of the cards, gifts, texts, calls and emails and really enjoyed a night out with a few great friends over some great wine this weekend & eating the wonderful cake Ted and Elle baked for me...but without receiving a call from my Mom makes birthdays less meaningful and enjoyable, I wish it didn't feel that way. I know I should be so thankful to be healthy and alive with a beautiful family and I SO am...but I miss having a Mom to love and care for me. A Mom & Dad to call me on my birthday. It may seem selfish but it's how I feel. Some days are tougher than others but I think I will always feel this way around Holidays and special occasions. I have accepted this but know I must continue to stay as positive as possible and still make the best out of every day and situation and enjoy life...

I took the kids on Friday to one of our favorite neighborhood parks for an annual photo shoot. We have the best photographer....does a great job with the kids. They were stressful for me.....I tried to keep my cool....but when she sent me a sneak peek of two of the pictures she captured I lost it & it made that hour of stress SO worth it. They were timeless and beautiful. I never would have expected them to me that beautiful. Elle was holding a mason jar with a vintage stripey straw up to Harrison's mouth so he could take a sip of water. I started balling. Elle looked like the beautiful big sis she is but in a different way...she looked much older. I all of sudden starred at the picture imagining her as a teenager....and little Harry.....he's not a baby anymore ( I know, news flash right?) but he looked like a BOY....so calm and sweet....sipping his water with his big sis.  These two beauties were a result of my Parents loss......hate that it happened that way yet so blessed out of such dark day came these amazing, bright-eyed kids. 

I have a feeling life is going to get even more stressful here shortly as we rethink the lake....Christina enters her 2nd and final year of the RN program in two weeks. It's going to be so tough. In my heart I know what the right decision is but I am not sure my Sister and I will ever agree. I never, ever wanted to be put in this position. I am so tired of dealing with it.  I don't want to clean out my Parents lake home. My Sister handled Allen Park...I could have never in a million years did that. I've handled a lot but that's one thing I had to stay away from.  I have guilt. I don't want to let the place go.....but I cannot handle the stress & worry anymore.  Praying my parents tell me what to do....and to send Chris down some extra strength this next year...she'll need it. 

All my love.