Christmas has come and gone...and a new year has begun...we had a nice time back in MI but I was there for too long. Christmas eve was wonderful as it always has been....Mass was better than ever- the kids really enjoyed it and were simply angels during the service. We sat upfront, Harry fell asleep to the Christmas carols, Charlotte stared at the stage at whatever was happening and Elle clapped her hands after each musical sitting on Gramma's lap. The food was wonderful, enjoying wine with our friends and family, grace where my Parents were remembered and waking up to so many generous gifts under the tree for everyone- I felt calm and happy, less sad then the last few years for once.....Chris then did a great job -considering the circumstances, (and size of her apartment) putting on Christmas day dinner. She is a true entertainer just like my Parents with a talent for baking like my Mom. As I looked around watching my Grandfather smile, my daughter running around chasing Aydan, Ted cutting the ham (like Dad would be doing), Chris slicing her cheesecake and passing it around, Aunt Kim tickling Harry probably as she used to do to us when we were little...I felt at peace. Maybe not for long but I thought to myself "we are doing okay". It will NEVER be the same but we've adjusted and continue to get together as a Family no matter what.
Elle was a bit overwhelmed with all of the gifts and Harry was sick the majority of break but still in great spirits...nonetheless I'm so appreciative for the time spent with our family and the generosity of Ted's family and our extended family who thought of us this Christmas season. After Christmas was over, Ted had to work in Cincinnati for a few days... I decided to stay in MI as opposed to packing the kids up only to return to spend New Years in MI. I was antsy....and looking for things to do, people to visit with, visit the kids and wound up disappointed. People are busy, they work....even my Sis had to run Aydan around to Soccer and Hockey tournaments....I am just realizing more and more that it's not home anymore (to me). People have their own lives are busy and my family has changed (working on NOT saying my Family is GONE, my family dynamic has changed.....I still have Family). I guess it's just hard to feel at home and to have that safe environment of your Parent's home where people come to gather, to visit, and to feel welcome at all times. I know I am welcome and loved at my in-laws home, Elle has her own room for peets sake but the sense of "home" has forever changed for me and the way I feel around the Holidays.
I am not sure what the New Year has in store for the Close Family. 2011 was damn good to us....Ted and I were both promoted, Ted in fact made a big career change, we vacationed to beautiful places (Ted even more so!!), and we had a beautiful, healthy Son! While there will still be challenges and struggles I battle with daily and the craziness of our lives now with two children, working full time- I am still proud where we are today. After everything our family has suffered, the courage and resiliency we've shown is admirable and I continue to be proud of how my Sister and I have handled my Parent's death. I look forward (with some tears) to singing Happy Birthday to Elle later this month as she turns the big 3 years old...I am truly amazed at how quickly time has flown by.
All my love and hope for another blessed year filled with less tears and sadness moving towards peace and hope for a brighter future....and making new memories and creating new traditions with friends and family and to never lose sight of our loved ones we miss so very much.
Melissa
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