opening up the lake

I lost it this evening...the lights were dim, I finally took a minute to sit down and put my feet up and just sobbed like a baby. Ted headed 7 hours North, which I am so grateful for, to open up the lake for the Season. Once he got up there they ran errands to get some things for the house and all of the materials to build a sandbox which I am so thrilled about. But then he text me how much he loves it up there.....and how peaceful it was and how he was having a drink for Papa O (my Dad) and that he is here with us......I lost it. It broke my heart. I could picture him sitting on the dock, looking back at my Parents property and then out into the beautiful little lake and just missing my Dad. I miss my Parents so much and as much as I love it up there, it's so hard to be there......they would want to be up there with my friends...they were so social and fun- no going to bed early for them. After about 30 minutes, I text with my Sister and a few of my girlfriends who have been amazingly supportive through this pregnancy and I feel I can say anything to, "I'm sad right now and I'm crying".

I know no one will ever understand what this is like and that's okay. I had a great day today and last night I was spoiled again by friends- taken to a fabulous dinner and received some sweet outfits for the boy, and had a great Doctor's appointment thinking he should stay put for a little while longer....yet, I can be taken down at any moment. And then my Sister posts that she learned how to mow a lawn today for the first time at the place she is temporarily staying until her apartment is ready. I was proud yet pissed. I want my Sister to have a Family, I don't want her to be a struggling single Mom mowing the lawn? I feel so blessed to have what I have. I had window cleaners over today, a house cleaner coming tomorrow, someone stopped by to measure the baby's room for custom roman shades, landscaping was completed today and the list keeps going....I feel guilty. But I know Ted and I work hard.....but I still feel guilty. I am very lucky. Ted and I have made a wonderful life together despite what we have faced. He so deserves a few nights with the boys.....I hope he enjoys himself and that what he said was true- that my Dad is with us and there in spirit......

You are missed every single day. And that lake place of yours......wow, we now have such a deeper understanding and appreciation for how relaxing this place really is and how much work to keep it up is. I cherish Harrison, MI.