a good year

As we drove back from spending almost 10 days in Mi for Christmas, I thought about how bummed I was to have spent another Holiday Season without my family together. Everything is so different now. I felt there were few to visit or to drop by to see our beautiful daughter. Yet I was grateful to spend so much time with my nephew who Elle adores, my Sister and to watch Elle interact with her Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents was especially fun- she had a ball and is just talking up a storm....but I couldn't help but wish my parents could see all of this; Aydan scoring goals, Elle wishing everyone a "happy turkey day" on Christmas morning (she would only say Merry Christmas if you would take her to see the blow up Santa), and me pregnant. I felt sad for my Sister when she came to my in-laws Christmas morning to open with us. We wanted to be heading down to Allen Park to open with Mom and Dad. My brother sent me a very nice, thoughtful Christmas gift this year that was waiting for me when we got home. I know facing him in 2011 will be the most challenging thing I will have to do this year on top of being pregnant and welcoming another child into the world. I am so fearful but I know it is something I must do. I have to face the true reality of this tragedy.....

Ted's parents always put on a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner and we're generous the entire week...the house was always filled with food and drinks and a place to relax. Ted's Mom put Elle down for us pretty much every night so we could hang out or go to the movies or to grab dinner with friends. It was a nice break that was much needed but we were ancy to get back. We're not as busy now with Mom, Dad, Grandpa gone.......there wasn't much running around to break up the trip. I did get the great opportunity to have lunch with all my Mom's 1st cousins, her Aunt and her godchild. They were thrilled and I was equally excited to spend time with my Mom's family who she was close with, let them see Elle and to look through some photo albums of my Family throughout the years. It meant a lot to me that I saw them. I also was really pleased how Christmas dinner went at my Aunt's house...she's had a rough two years and it was just nice to all be together with Grandpa. I cherish Christmas dinner with them.

As were driving, I also reflected on all of the good that happened this year; finding a fabulous therapist, having a healthy Elle for most of the year except for plenty of runny noses and colds, wonderful vacations to Florida to watch Tom and Jess get married and an amazing trip to Hilton Head to see my Aunt and Uncle's beautiful home with our dear friends.....Ted and I also got promotions and raises, we did some renovations to our home to make it more functional and suitable for entertaining, I got to meet my best friend's children-Ben, Mckenna, and Carter

(now awaiting to meet Izzy and Trevor), had my Grandfather down to Cincinnati for the first time, and we also got pregnant.......it was a "good" year despite the deep pain and sadness I know my Sister and I will continue to face. I'm so proud of "us", though. We're true fighters. I know many would fail.....we have weak moments, the Holidays almost put you over the edge and then comes the new year where April is not too far, yet we still move forward and let love, fun, friends and family in to take advantage of all the rest of this life has to offer.

Another year you have missed....but a year that you were constantly in my thoughts and prayers and hoping you can see us today. My life will never be the same without you as a result of this tragic event. It haunts me, there are nightmares. I want you to see me being a Mommy. I'm not too bad.....

All my love and hope for another "good" year........I'm happy to say I know we continue to make you proud. I miss you so much.

Melissa