pictures from my weekend in Michigan

Ugh....I have to take down the picture Dad hung in my living room and the shelving he put up. I remember griping when he originally did them "They're too high", I complained yet I only trusted my Dad to hang up anything back then. It was his thing.....the two homes we have lived in....he always hung up the pictures, shelves, etc.....I miss having him around and while I am so excited that we are renovating our first floor and will have a big open kitchen and entertaining area, I am saddened I had to take down some of the things they helped us with. And it bums me out the most they won't be here to see it and to enjoy with us. Everything in the house reminds me of Mom and Dad. The Pottery Barn rug in my living room for instance, Mom and I picked it out at the outlets about 3 years ago....the thing weighed over 200 lbs and we somehow managed to get it in my car and we had a heck of a time putting it in the living room. My Dad didn't understand that rugs go under the furniture so we kept messing with it until we got it right. We frustrated him. I think that's about when him and ted left to make themselves a drink. It was so much fun having them around. They were more like friends at this stage in our lives and I could nag them. The best part.

My Grandpa O. has been gone for a year.....on Saturday, one year ago, he joined my Parents and his wife and most of his family up in Heaven. I wonder who greeted him. I could see my Mom, Dad and Gramma....all holding hands welcoming him.....and maybe wishing we were all up there. I miss my Grandfather. After my parents passed away, I still had him.....I would go over there when I was back in MI and sit with him, do puzzles, bring him food like I always used to do....my Father was raised in this home......it was peaceful for me to be with him. But I knew once my parents were gone, he would never be the same. And I was right.....his health and independence went South......once he was put into a hospital for 24 hour care, I knew he wouldn't last long. I will never forget when my Sister and I went to see him which was the last time I ever saw my Grandpa. He looked terrible. I hugged him and I was in shock. I couldn't believe the drastic change he went through. The tall, strong, man who greeted me for 29 years of my life at his front door, was dying. And another piece of childhood was lifted away and I felt even more alone.............He was ninety, it was time. But after losing so much, I was hanging on to anything left of my parents and I didn't want to see anyone else go.

I thought tonight as I often do about future milestones, birthdays, and holidays and just general good things happening to us in life and thinking will they ever be "great" again (for me)? For me, family completes all of those things. Friends, your only family (husband and children), your parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles are all important factors to your life and even more so as you get older. I miss that closeness I once I had and I will miss it for the rest of my life......

Getting anxious for the weekend to share my book with close friends and family and more nervous then anything to share my book LIVE on Fox 2 news Saturday morning at 8:45am. Please tune in to watch it if you live in MI. The only way I agreed to do it was that the focus of the segment was not the day my parents died and that it was around the book and the continued journey of healing. I know I can do this.....as I have said to my husband and friends, I've already been through the scariest most traumatic thing imaginable, I can certainly handle talking about the book and the heartache. I know my parents would be proud. They always were.