bored

I feel like a kid again when I was in a phase where all I would say is, "I'm bored".

My parents would be scolding me now, but, I really am bored. Now that Christmas is over, Ted's brother and fiance went back to FL (we only got to see them Christmas eve and Christmas morning), and my Sister and Ted's other brother went back to work, Ted's Mom was sick for 2 days and now poor Ted has been in bed the last 24 hours, most of our friends have returned home or never were here to began with, I am finding myself bored. No more Christmas gifts to wrap or cookies to bake......everyone is returning to their routine except for us- we're still on vacation. This is right about the time where I could head down to Allen Park to be with Mom or where I would leave for an hour or two to drive down to Wyandotte to sit with Grandpa....I so miss having places to bounce around to. We used to enjoy very much getting our families together. I feel robbed at times, selfishly. I feel Aydan and Elle got robbed. And my parents, really got robbed. But I will never forget the 28 years I had with them and no one can ever rob me of those memories. Ugh, I still have my brother's Christmas gift. I need to get it to him.

Elle and I did hit up the mall this afternoon and then we waited for my Sister to finish her errands so I could drive her to the dealership to return her lease. Yay, she finally won't have a car payment and will be driving the car my Mom left behind. Long story but this car started out as mine in Chicago when I didn't have a company car, then I sort of put it back on my Parents when I got a company car back. My Sister drove it for a year or two, then back to my Mom and now back to my Sis. Inside joke, but my Father is really laughing at this one. I am sorry Dad, if this stupid car ever caused you stress.

Elle stayed back with Gramma Close tonight, it's so cold to take the little gal in and out right now if I don't have to and after the dealership- Christina, Aydan, Matt and I ate at a nice restaurant in Downtown Plymouth. It was packed and it was nice to be out and about and get fresh air in a cute downtown area. I miss Hyde Park. I am realizing more and more how lucky we are to live where we live. Who would have thought....Cincinnati?

Tomorrow Ted, Elle and I (if he is feeling better) are going to venture out to another cute area; Birmingham...for a little shopping and then going to one of our favorite little spots with Ted's brother and wife in their neighborhood of Royal Oak. It's non-smoking which will be great for Elle and it has great food, wine and a very cool atmosphere. And then Thursday we have a fabulous NYE celebration to attend. 7 courses with wine pairings among friends and Teddy and I along with our dear friend Josh and his girlfriend are in charge of the "champagne" course and greeting. It is sure to be a great evening. OK, so the rest of my stay here is sounding less and less boring as I talk about what I will be doing the next several days. I'm just crabby. I can't help but think how perfect my life would be if my family unit was still one and if I had my Mom and Dad and a place to call home. That's all I want and as much joy as I still have in my life, it's not enough and I don't expect anyone to understand it. I am learning, unless one has been through a really scary, tough tragedy, it's really hard to relate. It's no one's fault, but it's a lonely ride. Heck, had this not happended, I probably wouldn't ever had understood how sad and difficult life really can be and how precious each and every day is.

I have taken a tremendous amount of pictures on our good camera that I will share once back in Cincinnati. Until then, a few from my phone of our memories this past week. Elle looked like a little doll at Christmas eve mass in her little red coat and fur hat and she enjoyed going back in the locker room after catching Aydan's hockey game. Luckily, Elle is not bored at all and really, that's all that matters.

Happy New Year everyone-especially my amazing friends and family. My resolution for 2010: Continue honoring my parents life and living my life the way THEY would want and hope for-perhaps my hardest resolution yet because I can't get over the fact that THEY would still want to be here. That's the problem with tradegies. No one is ready for them.....

Thank you, blog. You let me vent and now I can go to sleep.......give me the FAITH to start a positive day tomorrow, looking forward to a fun day- I love to shop and I love good food.

Thank you for sending down all of the strength that I surely have needed this year-Mom and Dad. You missed a big one and I have missed you every step of the way.....you're in my heart every day.