Elle's birthday

Elle had a great birthday last weekend. SO hard to believe she's 4. Sometimes I feel sad I was so preoccupied her first year of life that I missed out a little. I know I remained strong and happy with her in our life but it was a very challenging few years adjusting to our new life - the life without my parents. We were at a different place when Harry came...

Our house was filled with family and our friends. Fun gifts were opened, a sweet little party at the bookstore took place, a beautiful cake was eaten and her collection of tutus began!!

Elle had her 4 year checkup yesterday and we were thrilled with her growth.
She's still petite but grew several inches putting her in the 70% for height so above average. This was good news since we always thought she was so tiny. Her iron was a little behind where they want it to be so we have to ramp up her iron intake. Lots of spinach and beef and fortified cereal.

Harry is still our husky boy above average in weight and height with a massive head.
It's all brain :) they picked up a little heart murmur but said its nothing to worry about and they're very common so something we'll check every visit.
Shots were not fun at all especially by myself. But we made it through and dad brought home ice cream that evening! I remember very vividly my mom taking us three to the doc. Poor mom...we have you a run for your money. We were always running and giggling. Sorry we didn't behave better. but at times I know you laughed, too.

Feel blessed we have two beautiful healthy children. Wish you were here to see them.

All my love,
Melissa

holiday continued...

I apologize...my post was around 3am so I left out a lot of the details and like to have things well documented. The fun details about our break...

Despite the sadness and heavy heart around the Holidays and thinking of our Gracie girl too, we had some fun memories to take with us as always

-watching elle and harry open their gifts (harry in particular LOVED his truck from Aunt Mary and elle's most favorite gift was her sleeping bag from Aunt Debbie)
-watching the cousins "play" - elle is so proud to be the oldest Close cousin and harry and elle adore their big cousin aydan who is just getting cuter by the day (and more athletic)
-hanging with our friends Mel and Nick whom have been sharing the Christmas eve tradition with us and the close's for over 10 years
-making Christmas cookies with aunt chrissy, aydan and harry - she is my mother when it comes to baking...you would be so proud, mom
-wine & beer drinking with the siblings once the kiddos were asleep...we debated, laughed and covered just about every topic (most of which I cannot mention on this blog!)
-cousin pic on Santa's lap...though the line was long and miserable, we captured that moment of the kiddos together
-having a visit with aunt diann and uncle randy at the close's while they were briefly in MI...wonderful to see my family
-Christmas eve service is always beautiful but it's tough...that is where I think of my family, and all of the people hurting out there in particular the victims of sandy hook, ct this year...it sure hit home and my heart aches for those children and all impacted
-Christmas morning - drinking coffee, eating monkey break, giving and getting gifts
-watching my sister put on such a nice dinner for my mom's side of the family - it was so nice to see everyone and wish  i saw them more often. great to see my grandfather healthy and happy (he turns 80 this year!!!)
-NYE with our friends kelly and jason - had a great (early) dinner night out at a fabulous restaurant...great to get out after a long break with good people

Of course there are people I wish I caught up with (on the phone and in person) who I miss so much...but know you all were in my heart and I cherish your friendships no matter where you are.

ONE more week until the big day - Elle's birthday! A lot of planning is undergoing...should be a special weekend with our family and friends!

All my love,
Melissa

Happy new year

Mom, Dad, family, friends...

The new year is here...I apologize for the drop off in posts but candidly I didn't want to be redundant. I think by now everyone knows that the holidays are painful, the loss is magnified and all I want is to go "home" for the holidays. You were so missed every day. Grandpa looked great, your sister and brothers were happy and Christina did such a nice job hosting Christmas dinner at her apartment. I have come to realize its not about the space you have it's about simply being together. It will never be the same but I'll tell ya, we're doing an impressive job of pushing through and doing our best to be there for our own children and to not miss those precious moments - while also recognizing the reality. It's tough with Justin...my heart aches and he's lonely too. That is the part I really need continued guidance from up above. I need you to tell me what to do here.

Like the past five Christmases, they've been different. I search for new traditions and memories. This year the Close's had a packed house which was good and bad. I grew up in a house that was all about the more the merrier but when you add several kids and being off their schedule and several different personalities, it can get interesting but all in all a great holiday and awesome to see all of our siblings, nephew and nieces. The toughest part this year was thinking we were saying goodbye to our beloved bulldog Gracie. She was vomitting prior to break so I took her in, they ran tests, x-rays and recommended exploratory surgery. They biopsied major organs and tried to find answers. Unfortunately, the surgery did more harm than good as she didn't recover well...reacted to the meds, continued to not eat, vomitt then ultimately caught pneumonia. Her body was shutting down. We were back in MI getting constant updates from our vet but christmas morning was awful - they didn't think she'd survive.

Well, I'll leave the rest in history because January 4th we brought her home for good. She made a miraculous recovery and while i feel we're left with some mystery and a big dent in our savings, I realized how grace is so much more than a dog. She's family. She's been here for us through the worst and best times in our lives. We weren't ready to say goodbye yet. Our prayers were answered.

2013 will be a big year for us...mom and dad, I cannot even comprehend that you've been gone for almost five years. How is that possible? I hope we've made you proud. Chris will graduate - do you believe it? And ted and I will celebrate TEN years. Right before you passed we were finalizing details on our five year trip. I'm amazed at how quickly time has passed...and now I'm a mother of two. I've so missed having you in my life. It sure has been a journey of digging really deep and accepting that this is the new chapter. This life experience has changed my entire life - good and bad.

Our sweet girl will turn four this month. She was a gift from heaven then and she remains that way today. She's so smart and sweet and I'll leave out how I'm excited to say goodbye to the terrible threes...as I know one day I'll miss them.

Harry is my baby. Though he's 18 months, I still can't put him down. He's so kissable. But I can see my time is almost up with this stage, makes me sad.

Happy new year everyone...praying for continued peace for our family, health for friends and family, success in our careers and lives...and a year that's full of memories (a painful one but a really special one like our wedding) and new ones like Chris graduating. Here's to a new year...