I'm so tired....Ted's been traveling all week which means hustle and bustle! The kids and I actually do just fine. We eat simple meals. We keep the house clean. We get our walks and nightly baths in. I make their lunches. I sneak a shower in. I work all day. And sing to them at night.
I love them and am grateful they are healthy and thriving...but (there's always a but), I HATE being alone. Ever since my Parents died, I hate being alone. The anxiety and attention on the fact that my Family is gone and I don't have Mom to call worsens when I am alone with the kids. It's just a bad feeling. During the week is better because we are busy and have a routine...but Sunday I just felt off.
I felt depressed and worried. I felt sad my Sister and I can't see eye to eye on the future of the lake. I know in my heart its in the best interest of all of us despite the heartache we'll face. It comes in waves...for the most part, I am doing just fine.
We're headed back to MI again this weekend to work on the lake again and hopefully meet our niece OR nephew. But I look forward to being home more this Fall....getting the house back in order, having our friends over for happy hour, doing some fun things with the kids for the Fall.....I love the Fall. It is by far my favorite season - as soon as Labor day was over....out comes the Fall decor and everything pumpkin. I love chillier nights, skinny jeans, boots, hoodies, pumpkin ale and a good fall chardonnay. I love anything orange - and all things for the home that smell like Fall (especially my company's new line of Glade seasonal candles!). Next week (my turn to be out and about) I have several fun little events - I am hosting a mixer at a very cool wine and food place with the Network of Executive woman. It's great to surround yourself with other woman in the industry who face the same juggles and challenges as a working Mom. We want to do it all....we try our best but many of us are at capacity. An evening out with great food and drink will be fantastic.
Another weekend on the road but Ted's parents are so good to us. Always have the home filled with everything the kids need, we get caught up on laundry and its always nice to see family especially when you are out of State. But, its never the same. I'll always long to have my Mom and Dad back.....will always face difficulty during any holiday or milestone. I have to keep reminding myself I can never change it.....but I can continue to honor their life and see them through Aydan, Elle and Harry.
Miss you guys. Wonder what you've been up to...wonder if you're worried about Grandpa.....or if you've looked over your siblings - we miss them.....or if you're watching Chris study late into the night.....did you catch Aydan on the first day of school? He's so big and handsome....
Do you watch me and laugh your ass off how I am running around like a crazy woman and still am as anal as I was when you were alive and about keeping my counter tops clean? Some things will never change. Are you sad that we're sad? I know you want to be here but I hope it's not bothering you. Think of you every day.
All my love,
Melissa
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