Labor day weekend

An emotional yet inspiring weekend in Atlanta as I got to visit with my good friend who recently was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I couldn't wait to give her a hug...I knew the right words wouldn't be said and nothing we could do would take this away but I know in my heart she felt loved and it hopefully reconfirmed that we are here for her....we are a drive, flight, phone call away....we are her biggest cheerleaders. Praying for her to keep up with the positivity. I'm so proud of her and pray Mom and Dad can watch over her too.

I came home from Atlanta feeling thankful for my good health. While I have stress and issues, my family is healthy......but it's amazing how quickly life comes back rolling in and you get back into routine, back to getting upset, and stuff just starts popping up that frusturates you. We have a lot of house things to take care of....a broken pipe in the basement, a dead tree thats massive and over 130 years old and tons of yard work and several other projects in and outside the house that we just have not had the time for this Summer.  All of this yet I'm worried and thinking about the lake. We are getting up to Harrison this weekend....so much to do, we are going to put it up on the market.  I'm devastated but we cannot manage two homes from this distance.....who were we kidding?? I feel another piece of my parents and childhood will be gone but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do but its not easy and its painful. Maybe it won't sell for a few years....maybe there will be more time to have the kids play up there so they'll remember the house.  We'll always take them to Harrison even if it means renting a place one day but it bothers me that I won't have that home base anymore that was my parents. Though they are gone, I can still say "my parents place"....and it feels good.....but they'd be so sad about the fighting and how little we can get up there with the distance....I know they would want us to make the best decision for the entire family.

Labor day is approaching and I would give any thing to be heading up with there with the kids and
to hang with mom and dad for the weekend....Everything is so different now.  There won't be a big family weekend....we'll see Ted's parents, will pop up to the lake to work our butts off while trying to 
chase a one year old and we may see Ted's brother and meet their little one if they have the baby over the weekend. I miss having my own family Unit and all i want is for my parents to take care of me. 
Just for the weekend. I know I'm an adult.....but I feel so alone at times and I hate it. The anger is still here...it all goes back to the void and I just want my parents back. 

I'm upset but I know Ted and I will get everything done (somehow)..and...even if we have to spend quite a bit of money, we'll eventually get everything at our own home too.  It will all work out but I'm stressed, ted's mom can't lift yet from her eye surgery so she can't watch our sweet boy. I was excited just Ted and I were going to the lake.....we could get stuff done.....and really do some much needed thinking........but you can't beat the coolest dude on the planet tagging along to the place where he was named from.....and he'll have to somehow help me go through pictures and some of the important things we need to start deciding who wants what. Something I never did at their home in Allen Park.....I couldn't do it and I'm not sure you can ever prepare yourself for going through your parents home or lake home.....such a painful thing. Letting go is so hard.

adventure out East

We have been on the go all Summer and our last big adventure was this past weekend in CT. We all  gathered there for Ted's side of the family for the 1st family reunion. CT (the beach house in particular) holds a special place in our hearts - we spent a lot of time there and with his Aunt, Uncle and cousins when we lived in Boston for 4 years. It was an amazing weekend...his Aunt and Uncle put on such a cool celebration that was so kid friendly, we had the best accommodations in a quaint B&B overlooking the Long Island Sound....and the meals and snacks were all so perfect for the setting. They hosted a Lobster bake Saturday afternoon, passed appetizers, an amazing buffet, dessert and coffee, plenty of wine and in a beautiful setting with great family. My family is so small these days and Ted has a very small family so it was nice to be around extended family and be around all the cousins that we love dearly and get to see and meet their children all of which are very close to Harry and Elle's age. It was the perfect summer weekend.

It was exhausting though...with two little ones you rarely ever get a break. I would often think if my  Mom were alive how it would easier to get breaks here and there because Mom would take the kids or hold them more or I could have her visit for a weekend and she would tell Ted and I to go out to dinner for "date night". I guess it doesn't do me any good to think about what could have been....but, it's bothersome and I feel inside that Ted and I are alone. Sure we have an amazing network of friends, extended family and his parents that love us. But I always feel like we (mainly me) are outsiders.....I guess these are all normal feelings when you experience such a loss that you live with a very strong void in your life but it has worsen as we've extended our own family. We want that closeness with others for our kids. Nonetheless, the love was felt this weekend by Ted's amazing Aunt & Uncle...I cannot thank them enough for gathering everyone in such a perfect setting with the most incredible details. I don't want to go two years again without seeing them again and hope we can do something again next year or at least take trips to see one other more frequently.
I am so glad the kids will have these memories (and plenty of pictures) out East.

We also got to spend the day and evening with our good friends Erich and Carolyn (who we hung out with a ton while living in Boston and got to visit them in Paris when they were there for a two year work assignment). We had a great time visiting with them, meeting their Son, enjoying a fun lunch downtown at our old favorite place, grabbing cupcakes with the kids and bouncing around Boston.....I miss that place and it was fun to be back for the day.

This weekend Chris has decided to bring Aydan to Cincinnati for the weekend before she starts her final year of RN school. We are all under stress right now on what to do with the lake home....I think it is sadly time for it to be on the market. We are over 7 hours away, no one can keep up with the maintenance and when we do get up there we have to work not enjoy this wonderful place. It's unfortunate and I am heartbroken but I believe it is the right thing to do for all of us involved. I hope my Sister one day will agree.....regardless, I am very excited to have family here this weekend to take A shoe shopping and all of us have some fun up at the St Mary's festival that is walking distance to our house.  Dad will be missed...he loved this festival!

All my love,
Melissa

another year older!

Birthdays just aren't the same! I try to always stay positive and I loved receiving all of the cards, gifts, texts, calls and emails and really enjoyed a night out with a few great friends over some great wine this weekend & eating the wonderful cake Ted and Elle baked for me...but without receiving a call from my Mom makes birthdays less meaningful and enjoyable, I wish it didn't feel that way. I know I should be so thankful to be healthy and alive with a beautiful family and I SO am...but I miss having a Mom to love and care for me. A Mom & Dad to call me on my birthday. It may seem selfish but it's how I feel. Some days are tougher than others but I think I will always feel this way around Holidays and special occasions. I have accepted this but know I must continue to stay as positive as possible and still make the best out of every day and situation and enjoy life...

I took the kids on Friday to one of our favorite neighborhood parks for an annual photo shoot. We have the best photographer....does a great job with the kids. They were stressful for me.....I tried to keep my cool....but when she sent me a sneak peek of two of the pictures she captured I lost it & it made that hour of stress SO worth it. They were timeless and beautiful. I never would have expected them to me that beautiful. Elle was holding a mason jar with a vintage stripey straw up to Harrison's mouth so he could take a sip of water. I started balling. Elle looked like the beautiful big sis she is but in a different way...she looked much older. I all of sudden starred at the picture imagining her as a teenager....and little Harry.....he's not a baby anymore ( I know, news flash right?) but he looked like a BOY....so calm and sweet....sipping his water with his big sis.  These two beauties were a result of my Parents loss......hate that it happened that way yet so blessed out of such dark day came these amazing, bright-eyed kids. 

I have a feeling life is going to get even more stressful here shortly as we rethink the lake....Christina enters her 2nd and final year of the RN program in two weeks. It's going to be so tough. In my heart I know what the right decision is but I am not sure my Sister and I will ever agree. I never, ever wanted to be put in this position. I am so tired of dealing with it.  I don't want to clean out my Parents lake home. My Sister handled Allen Park...I could have never in a million years did that. I've handled a lot but that's one thing I had to stay away from.  I have guilt. I don't want to let the place go.....but I cannot handle the stress & worry anymore.  Praying my parents tell me what to do....and to send Chris down some extra strength this next year...she'll need it. 

All my love.