Back to reality

Vacation was beautiful. St John is a stunning place that I would visit over and over. But, it was defintley not much of a relaxing vacation with the kids (in particular, a one year old) but, I'm so happy Elle will have these memories with us and GRandparents. I couldn't help but think why I was there how much fun my folks would have had with all of us...they were so missed. I still at times, even though it's been four years, am in disbelief that they are missing this and are gone. While many think I have moved on ( or forward is the word I prefer), I often question that. Have I really faced the deep sadness and reality? I think I have... it really became clear after seeing my brother for the first time but there are still days of struggle but less tears and more joy through my own family and friends. I continue to be amazed at how blessed Ted and I are but it hasn't been easy. Their death has impacted my life forever. Some of my favorite memories about vacation: -drinking coffee on the villa's massive patio overlooking the Bay while chasing Harry around -visiting the beach and truly taking in how beautiful it was -watching Elle enjoying the pool, beach and sand -eating yummy meals made by Ted -nap time and being able to sit in the sun with a frozen cocktail -chatting on the patio at night, with ted's parents, over drinks and laughter -watching Harry taking several steps and us all cheering -throwing rocks in the Ocean for my Dad. It was a special moment. I wish I could have done more for my Dad on his special day...but everyone was focused on packing up. I thank God I had the relationship I had with my Dad and the memories keep me going of what we did do for Dad while he was alive and how much he did for others and enjoyed being surrounded by family and friends...I miss him every day. We'll head to Harrison soon to spend a weekend at the lake...I don't know what the future holds but I can't wait to be there with the kids and Ted and I am beyond thrilled to see my grandfather and aunt and uncle....and our best bud Josh who has been living in Hawaii and was just married in Canada is meeting us up there. He has been an incredible life-long family friend that we can always count on and is always there. He's always asking about the kids and making the effort to see us though his life has been crazy. I can't wait to celebrate with him up at the lake....And potentially plan a visit next year to Hawaii to see him over our 10 year anniversary. Watch over my friend fighting cancer, Mom and Dad....I miss you guys SO much...miss your laughter...love you always. Melissa