tell me what to do...

I wish you would tell me what to do. I never wanted all of this responsibility at this age. I didn't want all of this worry for my siblings, and stress about what to do with the lake. I thought I would keep it forever. Selling it never even crossed my mind. We'd pay the taxes and do what we could to maintain when we're up there... its causing stress and worry now.....we're too far and there is so much to be done...Chris won't even discuss it.....but I have to be the practical one even though deep down I am just emotionally attached to it as well.....another piece of my childhood and parents that would be gone......no amount of money would ever be enough for this place. Nothing could ever replace that fresh air on a cool night, the smell of the fire or cinnamon french toast cooking in the morning and all of the memories....I am so torn........I don't want this on my shoulders. I know my Grandfather and all of my parents siblings want us to sell it......they see how much work it is and how far Ted and I are....Chris already has so much on her plate...she can't worry about the lake. I wish Mom and Dad were here....the lake would be theirs. We would come to visit. It would be the fun place to go.....now it is work. Cindy and I took the kids up there and I didn't even get a moment of enjoyment. There was so much to be done and with two kids it was even more of a challenge to get anything really done. It made me so sad......my parents never seemed stressed up there....everything was always done so they could enjoy their guests. They went up there so much. It breaks my heart to think we would sell this place. My grandfather and Aunt and Uncle live there still so I would always go back...but it wouldn't be the same...yet I know it's killing them to keep coming over to Mom and Dad's house when we are up there. I know how painful it is. It's painful for me. Everything of theirs is the way they left it. Even a crossword puzzle Dad was working on. We've added some pictures...moved furniture around and I just took down the Christmas lights Mom left up but it still looks the same....

I don't know what to do. I know what we should do yet my heart is saying "hell no, don't sell it...take your kids up there just as you did as a child.....Elle and Harrison will get to know their grandparents through this place". I think that's my biggest fear of selling it.....my kids already won't ever get to meet my parents. I want them to have memories of at least going to a place they left behind. A place I went all of my life....I don't want them to just have memories with Ted's parents. I need something from my family. This breaks my heart....I want to be a kid again......I never wanted to think of any of this...........my Sister would hate me. I already have so much guilt what she saw and did after Mom and Dad died. I cannot do this alone.

Help, Mom and Dad.......please......I will be up there for a week in August and I cannot wait. Our friends are visiting....Ted will be there. Maybe we will feel differently. Maybe it is possible to get everything done if we use our vacations up at the lake verse traveling. I just want to go up there and enjoy myself with my family and friends......I love that place so much.