I lost it in English Gardens today picking out my Parents Christmas wreath for their grave. Ted and Gracie waited in the car and I quickly ran in. Then I felt the pressure in my chest. Why was I here? Why am I buying a wreath for my parents and not gifts to wrap and place under the tree. I picked up a really pretty wreath with a bow of much of my Mom's living room colors, and started to cry. I could barely answer the cashier when I asked if I found everything I was looking for.
I walked slowly and tearfully back to the car...and Ted and I drove into St. Hedwigs beautiful cemetery....slow down, there's the four odd looking trees....that's when I know we're almost there. Everything was covered in snow and I wasn't certain we'd find their grave. Ted and I walked up the hill and I could just feel we were close......we scraped off several gravestones until I saw the name Jerome. We found it...and sadly wished my parents a Merry Christmas. I miss my Family. And after I arrived back to Cincinnati...a Christmas card was waiting there from my brother. A gift is still coming. He wrote thoughtful words, words my parents would have loved to hear him say. "I miss you and Ted and I hope you and Ted and Elle have a great Christmas". I felt such sadness in my heart when he asked me if I thought anyone in the family would ever have a relationship with him again. My heart aches for him.
We had a quick weekend in MI but got to do some fun things and I especially enjoyed cheering on the hockey star take his team to victory scoring 2 of the 4 goals, and watching Elle's face lit up as he saw the blow up Santa her Grandparents set up just for her. Elle loved my parents blow up turkey that the Close's put up so we knew we needed something for Christmas. We also got some time with our friends at the annual Griswold Christmas party and enjoyed a fun night out even though once the clock struck midnight, I literally turned into a pumpkin. It was way past my bedtime....but the team enjoyed having me as their "driver" for the evening.
We miss our beautiful daughter but feel so thankful Ted's parents wanted to spend the time with their granddaughter and do some fun Holiday things with her and give us a little break to work, shop, wrap presents and candidly, grab a nice "Adult" dinner for a few days. I know how much my parents would enjoy this time with Elle....Grandparents are a huge part of one's life. I know how badly Aydan misses Gamma and Papa. I deeply cherish my Grandfather that is still with us.
Looking forward to getting back to MI to spend Christmas eve with our family and friends and opening with my Sister Christmas morning and watching Elle. Thrilled she has agreed to come over. We must try new things, Chris as hard as it is....nothing will ever replace our Christmas mornings with Mom, Dad, Justin and us two girls. Such wonderful memories.
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