i wonder what that was like

Oh here we go again I say to myself with a sigh.......my Sister is growing up. Ok, so she's had to grow up faster then most her age. She turns 27 tomorrow....

She's stronger then most and I couldn't have done half the things she has done over the past two years. I often think of what it would be like to be in her shoes. Yes, we are both my parent's daughters, but she's done the hard stuff and has experienced so much pain yet joy that I often cannot wrap my head around. My Mother was in the labor & delivery room when Aydan was born. Mom cut the cord. I wonder what that was like? Mom videotaped Aydan's 1st year of life and got to celebrate 4 birthdays with him. I wonder what that was like? An hour after picking her Son up from Mom and Dad's, she got the call that they were shot by our brother. I wonder what that was like? My Mom's little baby girl, had to walk into a hospital room, at the young age of 24, and see her Mother lying in a bed, lifeless, gone, in a tragic state and surrounded by police with the news of what happened to Dad too. I never, ever, want to know what this was like.....

My heart aches every single day thinking of what she has had to suffer. The worst images imaginable. The painful reality through her own eyes. Telling her child that Gama and Papa are gone.........if I thought of all of her sadness and pain, along with my own every single day, I don't think I could get out of bed.

My Sister will never have that joy of calling up Mom and Dad when she one day gets engaged. Won't have Dad to walk her down the aisle or parents to celebrate all of the milestones that comes with Grandchildren. But she has something more then anyone could ever know or imagine; strength and courage. And while I know she still has really sad days and days where she doesn't know what to do with my brother, and is overwhelmed with work, school, being a mom, and having little support-she somehow has this ability to look at the brighter things in life. She does such a better job at this then me. She's more caring and sensitive then me. She spends more time with patients then most Nurses would ever want to and would stop traffic to save a turtle if she could. My Sister, Christina, drives me absolutely nuts about so many things and I will continue to try and micro manage her life for as long as I possibly can, but I hope she knows how much she is loved. She will always be the baby of the family. We have and always will worry about her. I think everyone always worries about the baby and they're the biggest pain too.... ..She had such a closeness with Mom, and while her and Dad had their arguments through the tough years, Dad took her young pregnancy the best out of everyone. Dad made the phone call to me, not my Sister or Mom...my Dad called me to break the news.... He said to me, "we can get through this". Thanks Dad and thanks Mom for bringing her into this world.............we miss you every day.

Sisters.....definitely one of life's greatest gifts.

Happy Birthday, to my Sister. I will be hoping she doesn't read this. But I feel like I am sending her some happiness and strength even if she never does.....she will always know she is loved!