another weekend at home.

Another weekend in Cincinnati...finally back to my weekend schedule of dinners and drinks with friends, walking Elle to the square to play in the fountain while I drink my coffee and Sunday mornings to the farmers market. We kept ourselves busy this weekend and had a sitter last night for our neighbors turn for the dinner party. We had the dessert course and Ted made a champagne cocktail to serve with his Southern Raspberry Tiramasu (sp?). So glad my husband cooks and bakes. Yeah for me. But the problem with this lovely set up is that he travels for work. and I am left with the responsibility for it all. I manage. Elle is such a good girl. Wish she ate more but toddlers graze and other days they eat everything in sight....we have gotten used to this.

I continue to be heartbroken as I watch a loved one go through a difficult time. Rock bottom. A completely different person. They're in every one of my childhood photos and in so many memories with my parents and family, pretty much every memory. Like a sibling to me. Everyone says, "focus on your family, you can't help, there's nothing you can do" but as I have learned through my Parent's death, no ones understands. It's all easier said then done and it's jut a reminder that Mom's gone..... She's not here to help, she's not here to call to get advice and or deal with this. I miss her. And no matter how fortunate we are in SO many other aspects of our life, their death and missing them and worrying about the family-my brother-everyone, continues to bring me down.

It's just a lot to carry on your shoulders and I have done extremely well considering this tragic mess, but I seriously have to work at it every single day or I could so easily rock Elle every night while being a balling mess. I do cry but I incorporate my crying into a song, or a prayer or the books that I read to her at night in my Mom's rocking chair. She hasn't noticed yet but she will one day and for this, I am sorry. It was never suppose to be this way Elle Bell.

Counting down the days to see my girlfriends this weekend.