The unfairness of it all...

What I thought about tonight on my walk throughout the neighborhood was the unfairness that my Mom and Dad got cheated out of their retired life. It makes me cry to think of all they will miss out on with the new baby and with their Grandson Aydan. I know where they are now is not a place where they sit and realize how much they're missing out on but the reality is they will miss out on a lot. I also am very sad for my Brother who did not want this outcome and now he is cheated out of the rest of his life.

My parents, okay mainly my Mother lived for the Holidays, Birthdays and Family functions...having another baby around would have thrilled her. Ted and I had a really good system down. For Easters and Thanksgivings we would try to have joint Family gatherings, which oddly enough we did this year and last and Christmas Eve was always at the Close's...we would wake up and then Christmas Day was always at my Parent's house. We'd stay the night there and Ted and I would go to breakfast with Mom and Dad in the morning. Even last Christmas, the Close's came to our Family Christmas celebration at Mom and Dad's house. I would always think of the future when Ted and I did have a child how we would work it. My dream was always to host a big, old fashioned, family Holiday(Thanksgiving or Christmas). The house would be packed, every room filled, air mattresses in the living room. My Dad would cook a big Meal. Our Moms would help bake the desserts, we'd decorate the tree....everyone even my Sister who often has to work on the Holidays would make it. I knew most of our Holidays would be spent in Michigan so we could see the entire Family but I had envisioned one big one spent in our home, with everyone of course. I never in a million years could imagine just Ted and I and the baby spending the Holidays together. We will always make every effort to spend it with our Family (and Mel and Nick-you better not miss Christmas Eve this year) and I know for a fact there will never be a Holiday for as long as I live that I will not spend it with my Sister and Aydan. I always said that even before my Parents passed. The true meaning of the Holidays simply go away if they are not spent with all of your loved ones. I am just lucky the Close's welcome my Sister into their home and have been for many years because she really doesn't have an entire Family to call her own now and I will make certain she always feels welcome wherever we may go. And although I am truly dreading the Holidays this year, which saddens me because I was deleting old December 2007 emails to my friends and I must have said 20 times, "I love Christmas time! I can't wait to be off for 10 days!", I will do my best to try and enjoy them like my Mom and Dad did and would want for us. But when I think of myself decorating a tree....or shopping for my Family....I almost want to faint with sadness........

Okay so they were perhaps cheated of their life beyond 50 years old but in God's eyes, he needed them more then we did (which I find hard to believe but I am trying...) and I must remember the way they lived their 1st 50 years which was probably fuller then most live in their entire life. It still doesn't make it any easier because I want them for my future. My Holidays. My child's baptism. My Child's college graduation. My Child's wedding. All of the milestones in which they would have enjoyed so much will now only be viewed from Heaven up above.

Missing you daily,

Melissa