tired

I had the strangest dream last night. We were having Harry's birthday party which is actually approaching, however, the party took place at Mom and Dad's home in Allen Park. We were in the basement and garage. It was the house. Justin was even there - he was actually running up to the store to buy the lemonade for our signature drink. But he never brought the lemonade....I kept waiting and waiting and more people continued to arrive and we had nothing to drink. I saw Mom in the basement setting up the Mason jars and striped paper straws that I actually do have. I then randomly checked my phone in my dream and checked my email and Justin had emailed me that he would not be getting the lemonade and if I I could do it. It was so odd...I know it all ties together in some strange way...I'm emotional about Harry turning one and I wish my Parents were here...their void is even stronger during times like this.

I'm tired mentally. I don't know what to do anymore with the lake. It's ruining my relationship with my Sister. We are not seeing eye to eye. It breaks my heart my Parents favorite place is used so little, it's starting to having issues...we live 8 hrs away...I am trying to set the emotions aside (as hard as that is) and look at this practically. What they would want. They would never want us to take on all of this responsibility. Chris needs to be focusing on finishing RN school and Aydan....I just don't see how this could work. It is wearing me down. I never wanted to make the type of decisions at this stage in my life where I am raising my own family, early in my career....we just have too much going on along with the stresses and life changes we've experienced with death of my parents.

Ted went to spend the weekend with one of our best friends up in Canada - the kids and I have kept super busy but I am tired. Elle's buddy JR and his family was so kind to hang out with us pretty much all weekend...we had them over Friday for dinner, we saw them at Soccer Saturday morning then spent the evening at their house. It is most definitely not easy with two kids by yourself...I give ALL single Moms (including my Sister) such credit and strength. Harry is so easy and very chill but Elle has entered a little rough patch - she hates when its time to leave her friends and begins to throw tantrums. I wish my Mom was here to comment on this but I have a feeling I was very similar. She has a bit of an attitude and it can make ya crazy. But then she is the sweetest big Sister and was so well behaved when i took the kids to Striderite today to pick out water shoes for them. Though I have been lonely this weekend and have struggled with loneliness since Mom and Dad died, I thoroughly enjoy the one on one time with my beautiful kids. I am so blessed...ahhhh I so get it, I see it and I can feel it yet the hurt and pain comes through the blessed moments and sometimes I miss them. I wish it wasn't that way.

So looking forward to my husband returning and hopeully soon clarity is brought on what to do with the beloved lake-house. I miss my Sister.

All my love...