day 2

Yesterday was another sunny, beautiful day here in Paris. We started off with Crossiants, of course, and then made our way onto the Metro to head to Notre Dame. What a stunning site to see. Words nor pictures can describe this place. It's massive, beautiful and so incredibly old and historic. Candles were lit throughout the place for people that have passed and were being honored, remembered and loved. I lit two candles and walked away fast. It makes me so angry I have to do this.

We then made our way to the Marias, which is an area filled with Vintage shops, the most fabulous ice cream place, Bertilion, and ate the yummiest Falafel pita sandwich in the Rue De Rosies (jewish quarter). The food, desserts and sites have been just incredible.

Right before sunset, we took off on a beautiful river cruise. Erich purchased a few bottles of champagne for what would be one of the nicest evenings since we arrived. It was such a great way to see Paris and I was again amazed at the site of something so large and historic- the Eiffle Tower. It was grand.

We ended our evening in the Ile Saint Louis area at a very quaint French restaurant. The menu was brought over to us on a chalk board. So french.

This morning we are all on our way to experience the Champagne region of France. This is sure to be another exciting day here. We have been talking to Elle via skype everyday, we miss her dearly. I think she is confused but it has been nice to be able to see her.

Lots of love,

Melisa

day 1

The weather has been perfect in Paris since arriving- 75 and sunny. We started out yesterday at the Arc D'triomph and made our way onto the legendary grand boulevard- Champs Eylsees. Every beautiful store imagineable (Dior, Nina Ricci, Chanel) and then the Paris flagship store- Hermes' caught our eyes. I went right to what Hermes is famous for "the scarves". I had to....a women walked up to me and said, "they're classic- you'll never regret it". And I won't, now I just need to learn how to tie it! I bought Elle a little cotton dress and leggings from Petite Bateau and there have been many tempations along the way. There are children's boutiques everywhere, and the French, from what I've observed, dress their children very well. And I almost forgot, we stopped in laduree and had the most amazing macaroons ever. I wanted to buy so many and bring them home but sadly, they only lastfor a few days. So yummy and such a pretty place.

We walked through the tulerie gardens that lead up to the Lourve and had a classic parisian lunch in a little cafe which consisted of cheese on the freshest baguette. Yum!

In the evening we went to a really trendy restaraunt, Kong- where a scene from Sex in the City was filmed. Then had champagne drinks at a really cool bar- Budha bar. These places are so beautiful and "parisian".

Off to a day of sightseeing...heading to the Notre Dame- I will light a candle for my parents who I miss so very much. Then more shopping and walking around this wonderful place. Boat cruise tonight along the Seine to see the Eiffle tower lit up!

PS-not using spell check...

Lots of love,
Melissa

evening 1

Last night after many hours of travel, we arrived in the "City of Lights", PARIS, FRANCE.

Erich and Carolyn greeted us with hugs and then the boys went in one car and us girls with our big heavy bags, jumped in a cab. Carolyn threw a few french words at the taxi driver and we were off. To sit in traffic. Wow, for a Sunday I was amazed at how trafficy Paris was but was equally amazed by the cars. They are all so small. No Ford Explorers around here.

Upon arriving to Erich and Carolyn's adorable city apartment we sipped champagne, ate fresh baguettes and cheese and talked about where we would go to dinner. Parsians eat late.....and we were just getting started at 9pm. We were tired but overly excited to sit in a local place, people watch, eat good food and wine, with friends. We stayed local in their neightborhood, "butte Aux Cailles" (Quail Hill in English) and we dined at Les Caiilloux which was a tiny little Italian restaraunt where tables were close together- I could have touched the person next to us in the table over. The atmosphere was great, the food and wine was even better.....
We stopped off at a local tavern for a night cap and before long we were fast asleep, getting rested for a full day of sightseeing.

We must have been dreadfully tired because we slept in till 10:30! I woke up startled. But we needed it and after a crossiant and coffee (and a shower) we were all ready to go.

Paris shopping, here we come.

Au' voir

I've officially packed my bags for the adventure I am about to embark on. I am going to FRANCE and IRELAND!!!!!

We are sooo excited to see two of our greatest friends that are so much fun to be with~Erich and Carolyn. Long story short, Ted played hockey with Erich in New York and reconnected years later when we lived in Boston. He showed us the city of Boston; some of the nicest bars and restaurants you could find. Carolyn is Erich's Wife, they dated for several years when we lived in Boston. They married after we moved to Cincinnati and we attended their beautiful Winter wedding back in Boston. Carolyn and I trained together for our first 1/2 marathon. Now we may take a morning run around the streets of Paris...how cool is that? She is wonderful and caring and SO genuine. I cannot wait to see them both. 

There is so much to see and do that I am almost overwhelmed in a sense. I want to eat French food, drink French wine, eat French pastries, bread and crepes.....I want to SHOP, look at a little art, gaze at the Notre Dame and take pictures of us with only one of the most famous structures in the World, the one and only-Eiffel tower beaming in the backdrop. Oh and we're touring the champagne region in France. Am I dreaming?? I am most excited to experience all of this, though, with our dear friends and my brother-n-law and sister-n-law to be. Truly a vacation of a lifetime. Then there's Ireland- a work trip for Ted- but there's very little work involved in these trips. Nice dinners, cocktail hours, tours of the city and the major attractions.....it will be a great time with all of his co-workers. We're staying at a beautiful hotel in Killarney and then will end the trip in Dublin with plans to tour the Guinness factory. 

With all of this excitement, there is much anxiety. Anxiety of being away from Elle for so long, fearful if something were to happen to my Grandfather and sad for my Aunt for what she is currently facing. I know there are people out there that have it a lot tougher then we do, who have lost even more- maybe their whole family-  but I sometimes can't help but think at times that life has been really tough on my family over the past year and a half. We're waiting for the break. And I guess I almost feel guilty about going on this trip as much as I cannot wait to go. My Sister will be running around Aydan to school, soccer, and hockey, perhaps rescuing an Animal in between, and just being a Mom. A young girl being a great Mom and she is pretty much doing it on her own, with the help of Matt of course but without Mom and Dad. I will buy you something wonderful from France,  Cricket! And there's so many other things I could write about for hours.....Justin is probably struggling with great depression these days. He has no one and probably has no idea we think of him everyday. I am certain he misses Mom and Dad as much as we all do. Maybe Christmas time, I don't know.... 

Watch over us as we travel our way to Europe, I am sad I don't have you here to share all my memories and stories I am sure to have upon our return.  I know how excited you'd be for us. And yes, we'd bring back a ton of stuff for you guys. I'll miss doing that. 

I will try and write a few times while I am there. 

I am so excited to see you Carolyn, Erich, Tommy and Jess! 

We love you Elle Bell, Family and Friends! 

Au' voir! 

to MI and back

After a very successful ear tube surgery on Friday and a day and night of rest for Elle, she was happy and as good as could be come Saturday. We had to make the 4 hour drive back to MI to take care of some business with the attorney that has been helping me with my Parents stuff and to take care of our own estate planning. That was stressful- but it's done. I feel like I can get on the plane and know all my wishes are laid out. We are with the other 10% of the US population that have their estate planning done. I feel pretty good about it. I feel organized. 

Ted's Mom cooked us all a festive Oktoberfest meal and a special Oktoberfest beer was on tap at the Close residence (I was pregnant last year this time so it was really nice to enjoy one of my favorite beers), Ted and Aydan kicked the soccer ball around (he is becoming quite the star- his team won today 6-3, and Aydan scored 3 GOALS!), and before getting on the road to Cincinnati, we made a stop to my parents grave site. Something I hate doing but with Fall being my Mom's favorite time of the year, I wanted to go bring her a mum. Upon arriving there was broken glass by the grave. We tried to put the pieces together to see what it was. I think it was a shot glass. Maybe someone came to toast to them and then broke it? I have no idea. 

The cemetery is so well kept. There are flowers everywhere. I felt guilty. But I know I do not need a visit to their grave site to think of them.  YOU are in my thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY and will be for the rest of my life. There's not even a few hours in the day that go by that I'm not wishing you were still here. It's tough. I fight back tears a lot throughout the day. Even through the simplest of comments someone may make that reminds me I don't have them. I hate not having parents. 

It was a quick day back to Michigan but enjoyed seeing some of our Family over some good beer and food......we have a very busy week ahead of us as we pack and get ready for our trip of a  lifetime....We are officially Paris and Ireland bound. 

xoxoxo, 

Melissa

our princess

So, we're taking a leap of faith and going forward with the ear tube surgery Friday morning. 

I am frightened by the thought of anesthesia and I so appreciate the wonderful emails I have gotten and advice from friends and family. I very much appreciated an email from a Stranger that I received- who was a connection to friends of my Mom and Dad. She wrote to me just her experience with tubes with her children and said how she simply did what the doctor told her to do but how she couldn't imagine what I go through making decisions like this that are fairly easy to others because they don't even think of the worst that could happen. Thank you for trying to understand. That's just it. With losing the two most important people in the World so tragically, along with my brother who is only 18 months younger than I, a 10 minute procedure under general anaesthesia makes me very uneasy. You are fearful of losing someone else. My Sister has this fear too. In a blink of an eye, they were gone.

I don't like risks except for in business. I know the risks are small and can't help but think there are babies going under for emergency purposes who don't have the time I have had to make the decision. They are fighting for their life and have no choice. An old co-worker of mine has a 5 year old  who is fighting cancer and going through chemo. He has no choice. I fully get that there are bigger and scarier things then a ear tube procedure and we just pray when she quickly goes under that she'll wake up and we'll run in and give her a big hug. And I might just need to take her shopping Friday afternoon if she's up for it. She loves baby Gap.........

Thank you for watching over us and shining down on Elle Friday morning. 

I'm scared Mommy, but we'll be okay. We miss you both so much! 

Thanks to my friends, family and readers for listening to me. (I will follow my heart like you said Nicky!)

EARS!

I am having complete anxiety about what to do with Elle's ears.....

We went and saw the specialist (an ENT doctor) to look at Elle's ears. The appointment lasted about 10 minutes. He confirmed there was fluid in both of her ears so she will continue to get ear infections. He gave me a few pros and cons of not getting tubes and getting tubes.  I cannot beleive the only OPTION to get the fluid OUT is tubes! We are most concerned about how painful they must be for her and the fact that every few weeks, she is on a new antibiotic. She doesn't even need to have an upper respiratory infection first, which is usually what triggers an ear infection. Elle's ear infections simply have not cleared up since Florida. Tubes are not a guarantee but they will get that fluid out of her ears for now at least. BUT, she would have to go "under" if we move forward with the tube surgery. While I understand the risk is small for a baby to undergo this very common, quick procedure...I am freaking out. There's my "what if" going on in my brain. What if the smallest risk happened to her, us, our family....AGAIN. I know the risk is small but I cannot get over the WHAT IF. 

But if we don't try the tubes, Elle could have a really terrible Winter with ear infection after ear infection and being on antibiotics each week. Then there's the development part of it. Her ears are plugged thus she is not hearing at 100% right now so there is risk of future development issues and then of course hearing loss which is rare but exists. 

If I knew the tubes were 100% going to fix all of this, I could potentially take the small risk and go for it but the ENT said himself that the tubes are just a short term fix and they will probably fall out in 6-12 months but the hope is by then they grow out of it. 

If anyone reading knows anything about tubes but more importantly general anaesthesia on a almost 8 month year old, please let me know. I know a friend had already emailed me some advice which I so appreciate. I am most scared about her going under for the actual procedure. 

We had an appointment scheduled for this Friday at 7am. No food or drink. Oh that would be terrible for her. I cancelled it.  I cannot handle the nightmares and bad thoughts along with thinking of leaving her for 12 days so we have decided to wait on this and think about it for a little longer. I am also going to discuss with my pediatrician again. The ENT was not very helpful, he was like this is what we do-tubes. Yep, there's fluid and if she's had these ear infections since end of June, she's a candidate. 

What I don't want is for these ear infections to continue causing her pain, giving her a fever and then to ultimately effect her development. She is so HAPPY and BRIGHT when she's not hurting by those darn ears. 

Elle did have a great weekend though. We had our friends over for pizza and wine night on Friday and then Saturday we walked over to a birthday party at this cute house a block down in Hyde Park. We are so lucky to live in the neighborhood that we do which is filled with young professionals, our age and many starting to have children. It's a really great place to live right now. 

Today is Grandparents day~established in 1978. I called my Mom's Dad, my Gramps. He was thrilled I remembered. He certainly did not. My other Grampa wouldn't have been able to come to the phone but he was in my thoughts today. I am grateful I have the two of them in my life. I thought of my parents a ton today, thinking of what amazing grandparents they were and how the day they died was spent with their grandson. Mom took him to the park and Dad played catch. I can only imagine what wonderful Grandparents they would have been to Elle. I can only imagine...

And of course we thought of Elle's grandparents, Ted's parents. We are blessed to have them in our life and we so appreciate their current and future involvement with our little princess she is and sure to become.......

Thinking of my Grandparents who are in heaven and here on earth- for giving me unconditional love and a life filled with memories since I entered the world 30 years ago. I wish everyday the same for Elle. I thank my parents for raising me near my Grandparents which gave me such a wonderful foundation to understanding the importance of family. The importance of a Grandparent... in a child's life.

All my love, 

Melissa

Ireland enchantment

After Elle went down perfectly in her crib tonight at 8:30pm on the spot (the antibiotics must have kicked in), I got to sit down for a moment and open the Ireland trip materials that Ted's company sent. "Ireland Enchantment" is the theme of the trip and I couldn't wait to open up the "program of events brochure".....We'll be staying at the Europe Hotel & Spa....and visiting every major tourist attraction in Ireland (yes, I plan to kiss the blarney stone) and will have really fun cocktail and dinner receptions but I think I am most excited to sit in a local Irish pub though, laugh with the locals and drink a fresh Guinness right from the tap, while cheering to Ted, my brother-in-law and my soon to be sister-in-law on how lucky we are to be here. In Ireland. Together. WOW. 

Ted's company has sent us to some amazing places. Last year was Pebble Beach- I was pregnant and couldn't enjoy the wine tasting tour you might recall, but it was a beautiful place that I probably would have never visited had Ted not won the trip. 

I'm getting anxiety about leaving precious Elle. At this age, they change after a few short days. She'll grow more hair, she'll gain a pound or two, she'll eat new foods (OK, it must be a grandparent thing as my Mom did it with Aydan, but they feed them things that are off the list you left them to follow and or they change their feeding schedule, I guess they've raised a few kids of their own to know what they're doing) but it's definitely funny. Just no honey or peanut butter Gramma. Not yet at least. And lastly, we'll miss her smiles........but as everyone has said to me, "this is a trip of a lifetime....first Paris with your good friends, then Ireland....you have to take advantage of this. " 

I know we'll be fine, but I have these "what if" thoughts. What if something happened to Ted and I, what if she gets really sick when I am gone, or if Christina needs me or something is wrong with Aydan or my Grandpa......I guess I just need to stop focusing on the what ifs, (it's hard though as in my world, anything is possible) and focus on the fact that everything will most likely be fine and that in 15 short days, I will be on a flight to PARIS AND IRELAND. Lucky me. I miss you already Elle Bell and I wish I could take all of my family and friends with me on this adventure. What my Mother would have done to see these places. One of the things she said to me a month or two before they died, "I can't wait to travel more" ......I won't wait because we are only promised TODAY. Tomorrow is a gift and I love to travel......

~Melissa

                                                                                

ear infections, go away

Mom, did Justin get really bad ear infections as I remember? Ted's brother Tommy (Elle's godfather) had them really bad too. Little Miss Elle cannot get rid of this double ear infection. The poor thing, since our Florida vacation, has been on and off antibiotics but nothing seems to kick the fluid out of her ears. On to see a specialist on Friday. Tubes could be the option. Yuck. She's so young! Daycare and Hereditary are working against her though......

Miss having you to call everyday to talk about anything, like ear infections and stuff.....

Love you always, 

Melissa

labor day

I'm not going to lie, it's not getting ANY easier to go to the lake. "Why would it Melissa?", I ask myself.  They would love more than anything to be spending these weekends up there with us. I can only imagine what joy and smiles it would bring to my parents to have their grandchildren up there. Aydan and Elle. Their friends would stop by....Dad would feel proud. It's just not the same. It's not as fun or as happy. It's so quiet as I have said since they have been missing. They were too young and it just wasn't time, we really still needed them very much so. 

I do love bringing Elle up there. And it's really neat to see Aydan catching fish by the dock, just like my brother used to do. It's a great place and we'll do our best to continue making memories up there. We missed Ted as he was on his annual Dad hiking trip weekend. It was a quiet, quick trip up but the weather was beautiful and we enjoyed seeing Grandpa. I spent a few nights with my Mother-in-law as well. It was quiet. No one was really around, which makes it even harder to be home. But we enjoyed some wine, a few tears, and some fun with Elle Bell.... 

I got to quickly see my friends Melissa and Nick last night since they were back in MI for the weekend. 

I am tired today and back in Cincinnati and unfortunately Elle spiked a fever today. 

Wondering what I will do about work tomorrow. Ugh........

Lots of love, 

Melissa

business woman

I'm in Wisconsin all week for work.....I miss Elle and this is only preparing us for the 9 days we will spend away from her while in Europe. I always wanted to travel and be a "business woman". It's funny because when I was younger I admired my Aunt who was quite succesfull, traveled, and carried a briefcase. She was my mentor when it came to education or career. But I also admired my Mother who stayed home with us kids, we were her life. She got little odd jobs here and there but raising a family was her priority. Sacrifices were made though. We didn't have the biggest house, but it was a cozy home that was always filled with friends and family, we didn't have the largest most beautiful 2nd lake home, but we had a second home-a really fun cabin where so many fun memories were made, we didn't have the biggest boat, but we had a speed boat that my Dad would get great joy from as he would pull us kids on tubes and throw us around on the lake. I am thankful my parents chose us over careers which made for a wonderful and normal childhood. My brother was a normal growing wonderful boy until his teenage years and I know those years for Mom, were the best years of her life. She told me so. This is a big struggle for me. Her own Son, who as a child, gave her so much joy. It's just too sad for words.

Nowadays, you almost need 2 incomes. And in my case, I love my career and love to work........so my hope is that I can continue to create for myself a work/life balance that works for my Family. I do believe you can have both in life and I really feel that I can handle it... especially now. When you go through something very traumatic in your life (only a few of us ever will), you have this attitude that if in fact I can still get out of bed after what has happened, I can take on anything. But trust me, there are still days of great sadness, anger and lack of faith but for the most part, we are stronger and will be able to handle more then the average person. Some days I have this fear that I've been too strong, almost faking it and that one day I will truly sit down and realize what has happened and I'll crash. It's a fight everyday. I do understand the meaning of depression now. But I have this weird talent that I can fight it. But it's something I must face everyday.....

While I am away being a "business woman" I do get some "me" time which is nice. I'm staying on the Harbor and there is a great running path along Lake Michigan. I think I will head for a run right now and then enjoy a nice dinner with a glass of Wine........

Above are some pics of where I am at. See...Racine, WI isn't so bad after all....

Lots of love,

Melissa